Understand & Respect the feelings

In my opinion, when someone says, “I respect your feelings”, they are saying, that even though I may disagree with your point of view, I understand how you feel. They allow you to feel whatever emotion you have without judging you. They don’t make fun of you for not sharing their view. They treat you with kindness, and dignity. They don’t talk behind your back. You are not belittled or singled out because you feel the way you do. Everybody has the right to have their feelings respected, even if that other person doesn’t agree. They try to understand how and why you feel as you do. They show empathy for others.

You're essentially saying, though we may differ in opinion I will respect our variance and not allow it to be a reason for resentment, discord or loss of friendship. We remain at odds - but at peace. On a political level that sentence would sum up a democracy. Most of us define other people in our mind and then deal with them accordingly. For example- We respect our parents, teachers etc, while we don't respect some people because of some attributes, weaknesses, behaviour, missing qualities etc.

But the sad part is that around half of these definitions are invalid and unworthy like- “He doesn't score good, I shouldn't respect him”. “She doesn't look good, she is unworthy of interaction”. “He is a rickshaw puller, which means he is not successful, I must not respect him” . “He looks like a Greek god, I must adore him, respect him”. “She is so beautiful, I must treat her like a princess” (and behave awkwardly). These definitions are nothing but a set of rules we have developed in our mind due to our good and bad experiences, stereotypes, judgement, knowledge and learnings.

These definitions act as a yardstick to judge people. Similarly, without realising, we also define ourselves in our subconscious mind using the same yardsticks. Sometimes wrong, sometimes right. For example-“I am obese, I am inferior to others”. “I am an average student, I don't deserve to interact with toppers”. “I am short, short people are not smart and can't be appreciated”. “I am what I am, because of my parent’s genes and I respect that”. “I have a life, I am special irrespective of what I have”. “I don't care what others have or don't have, I will treat people with respect and so should they treat me”.

These yardsticks reflect our conduct and behaviour. For example- If I assume that “I am not a good speaker”.Then whenever I get a chance to speak in public, I will be nervous and will most probably fumble as well. While, if I modify this thinking to “Anybody can speak” or “I can speak”, I would feel more confident and lose the unneeded symptoms of nervousness. If I assume that people must be judged only after interaction and not just by looks, I will get a chance to interact with many wonderful people which I would have missed because of a stupid yardstick.

Now let's define self respect-Self respect is nothing but how much high or low we place ourselves in our own eyes using the yardsticks we have set to judge others. It includes factors like-How much do we respect ourselves? How much do we value our existence?How much do we focus on our limitations? How much do we focus on our strengths? How do we take disrespect from others? How much are we influenced by the circumstances of life, do we ignore our self respect to deal with problems? People with high self respect are not affected by lows and highs of life, not shaken by their weaknesses, don't give over priority to people and circumstances, respect other people in general and have a no nonsense attitude for taking disrespect from others. How to improve self respect?

Change your yardsticks for evaluating others because these remain the same when you evaluate yourself subconsciously. Start evaluating people by their behaviour and thought process, not by how they look or how much they make. Don't give over priority to circumstances in life, treat your life above everything else so that people can't even think to disrespect you, however miserable you are. Know who you are, stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself, admire your existence and value the genes your parents gave you irrespective of how better others are, understand your strengths and weaknesses, respect your decisions in life and stand by your failures. Just don't let self respect to transform into a high ego! Cheers!