To Understand The Adolescent or

My kids are driving me crazy!!

Adolescence is a difficult period in which the young person trying to cope with an inner conflict of trying to find independence while still being the child and dependent on an adult for support. There are unavoidable clashes and disagreements with parents, especially during the turbulent years of 13. Not is it an easy road to go from child to teenager to adult.
What are the tendencies common in most of the adolescents?
? Self-consciousness
? Self-awareness self-centeredness
? Lack of confidence
These basic features lead to anxieties about the body, and so many adolescents focus on their skin, body shape, weight and hair. Concerns about acne, curly hair, round shoulders and obesity is very common.

There are special concerns about boy and girl relationships and maybe guilt or frustration about sexual matters. Many adolescents therefore have a lack of self-worth or a poor body image. They are very private people, and this must be respected. While there are concerns about their identity, parental conflict, school, their peers and the world around them, there is also an innate separation anxiety. The anxiety of the journey and trials, to separate from a child and into an adult. From that safe known security of what has been, to what is unknown and will be.

Anxieties that can become even sever. To them, it is always sever even though the parents and others may not see it this way.

What are the needs of adolescents?
? 'Room’ to move
? Privacy and confidentiality
? Security (e.g. stable home)
? Acceptance by peers
? Someone to 'lean on' (e.g. youth leader)
? Special 'heroes'
? Establishment of an adult sexual role

How does rebellion show?

It is quite normal for normal parents and normal teenagers to clash and get into arguments. Adolescents usually have a suspicion of and rebellion against convention and authority (parents, teachers, politicians, police and so on). This attitude tends to fade after leaving school (at around 18 years of age). But until then, they have an almost paranoid belief that everyone is, “out to get them” in some way. They believe that they know enough and that they can see clearer that the adults around them. This is all a trial by fire so to speak. Something if we remember back is that we have all had to endure and to go through. If we can remember clearly enough of ourselves and of that time in our life, then we may be better able to deal with our own adolescents during this roller coaster time. This time of discovery about who and what they are. This confusion and turmoil about who and what they will become. What do they believe, think, and feel. Where do they stand in their ideals? For them to search, find their way and to become who it is that they are inside to out.

Common signs are:
? Criticizing and questioning parents
? Making negative statements of family members or even friends
? Unusual, maybe outrageous fashions and hairstyles
? Getting or thinking of things such as body piercing or tattoos
? Experimenting with drugs such as nicotine, (cigarettes) and alcohol
? Bravado and posturing (especially boys and ego/male pride)
? Unusual, often stormy, love affairs
Signs of out-of-control behavior are:
? Refusal to attend school
? Vandalism and theft
? Drug abuse
? Sexual promiscuity
? Eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, severe obesity
? Depression
Note: Beware of suicide if there are signs of depression.

What should parents do?

Wise parenting can be difficult, because one cannot afford to be over-protective or too distant. A successful relationship depends on good communication, which means continuing to show concern and care but being flexible and giving the adolescent 'space' and time. A key in this as in many things is patience, this and keeping some control over your temper. When emotions are involved, then tempers are easy to be lost. And this only creates further problems and communication becomes almost impossible. Sometimes it is a waiting game. Some things can be taught, while some other things must be learned and/or experienced for them to understand. One of the most difficult things we must do sometimes is to let them fall. It is only then at times that they can discover the truth and the way. We should then be there to pick them up and dust them off and help them to continue.

While all parents have their dreams and hopes for their children. Who, how and what they may become, we must realize that they are individual and unique. Each one has their own way about them. Their own personality, hopes and dreams that develop along the way also. And many times those directions chosen are in conflict with what we may have wanted for them. But our job in part is to just be there to help them, to guide them, to keep them healthy and hopefully happy in their life. If we force our desires for them on to them, then we will run into many problems. For us and especially for them. We should help them yes, but we should let them become who they will become. Yes, with reason and reality in mind of the real world, but with their own special way.

Important managing advice is:
? Treat adolescents with respect.
? Be non-judgmental.
? Stick to reasonable ground rules of behavior (e.g. regarding alcohol, driving, language).
? Do not cling to them or show too much concern.
? Listen rather than argue.
? Remember and understand their frustration.
? Listen to what they are not saying.
? Be flexible and consistent.
? Be available to help when requested.
? Give suggestions about diet and skin care.
? Talk about sex and give good advice, but only when the right opportunity arises.
? Do not hide the truth of real life from them, but instead show them how to deal with life’s problems so they are better ready for it and prepared.
Healthy misdirection

Most say that the best thing to keep adolescents healthy and adjusted is to be active and interested. Encouraging, (not forcing) regular participation in sporting activities and other hobbies such as tennis, skiing and so on with parents or groups is an excellent way to help them cope with this important stage of their lives. Sometimes, it is helpful to get them to focus on others or other people’s problems. If the mind is occupied on someone, something else, then it cannot be so indulged in itself. And in this too many lessons of life can be learned.

Remember

Giving them enough praise for what they can do, even when it seems not enough is always good. This is especially true to give them more self-confidence, as they need this very much. Be careful of the criticisms you use as well as when and how. Yes these young are very over sensitive, but that is the nature of these things. When the exam score is not high enough, understand and just encourage with praise for trying. The rewards are more in the end than for the moment.

Adolescent problems are a passing phase. In time, they will grow with or without us. So better with us and helped in the right way because it is where they are going and who they become that matters most. With their safety, health and well being for the future of us all.