Under Siege

And no, I'm not about to discuss a bad 90s Steven Segal movie!

I really try to be a glass-half-full person – someone who tries to exude positivity even in the face of adversity – but today, I am struggling with that – My cortisol and adrenaline levels have been epically high, and I have been struggling to maintain that uplifted spirit.

'Attack' is my word of the week (or month). The past month has tested me beyond belief. I want to believe there is so much beauty in the world, and there is, but as humans, we are constantly in the line of attack from all directions at all times, whether we can see it or not. This past month, it has been patent to me—attack in all forms.

I truly feel like I'm under siege, and I'm legitimately in a heightened state of 'fight or flight'.

Cyber-attack – This past week, I have been dodging a hacker and fending off their daily (middle of the night) efforts to breach my social media accounts – this morning, I woke to them having succeeded, and I was locked out of my Facebook accounts. The adrenaline surge was beyond belief. Whilst a hack like this won't seem much to many – much of my tech life is built on my FB/Insta (Meta) accounts – curated over 18 years – platforms where I communicate with friends and manage the digital platforms for my businesses. In a panic, I somehow managed to get back in, lock the hackers out, and fortify my digital defences with two-factor authentication to a Google Authenticator (previously was 2FA to email). It was an incredibly stressful hour and a half whilst Charlie was getting ready for school as I changed every single email and password and applied the new form of 2FA.

Operational Attack – No sooner had I dealt with the cyber-attack this morning than an operational attack hit close to home. My daughter's school (where I am the Presiding Member of the board) – was hit with a bomb threat (alongside many other schools); just as Charlie was walking out the door – we got messages to keep the kids home. The school had to go into evacuation mode and get the kids (who had already arrived) out. Our Principal and SLT did a phenomenal job of keeping the kids and faculty safe, getting them home, locking the school down, and implementing the excellent emergency plans we have in place. At this point, I cannot process the psychological impact that this would have had on them and the absolute stress and terror (regardless of whether there was substance to the claims) – it was hard enough for me at home dealing with that, let alone those incredible educators, who I have so much respect for.

Personal/Professional Attacks – I, alongside others whom I care for and deeply respect (as people and practitioners), have been the target of negativity and gossip on social media platforms in recent weeks – with the intent to defame and criticise. It is unjustified, unwarranted and, unfair and representative of the fact that, as humans, we are seriously lacking in objectivity and critical thinking. I have become seriously disheartened and emotional to witness how the very platforms designed to connect us can become weaponised for negativity.

Bio-Medical Attack – This past week, I have been battling the worst throat infection I've had since I had Mumps at five years old. Day 7, and I am still struggling. I have been so ill that I have been bed-bound for most of the week and unable to do the basics without feeling like I want to faint or throw up. It was a struggle to let myself emotionally rest as I can never just 'shut up shop' and take sick leave.

Psychological attacks – Many of these things combined have affected my well-being (and that of those around me) – The result is that I feel burnt-out, apathetic, anxious, and riddled with compassion fatigue. Some days I don't want to step out my door because I don't know what shit I will have thrown at me.

Honestly, I feel I have nothing left to give. A sentiment echoed by many navigating their own battles. It's a hard whole world out there. I contemplate the fact that I have a good life – a safe life – a roof over my head, a loving family, transport, businesses, amazing friends, and professional support. How the heck are our vulnerable coping? There are so many doing it so much worse.

What do I do with all of this? Do I carry on in a spin of anxiety, or are there learnings I can take from all of this? Well, the person that I am, I'm not one to roll over and take it – I try to learn, I try to do better, I try to fortify and put safeguards in place. Oh, and I write. Because communication is knowledge, knowledge is power, power to be shared, to help myself and others.

Evaluate what needs to be better: Thankfully, my defences were strong, but not strong enough, so I went through and fortified them even more. I have locked down my social media accounts to limited audiences, I have changed the type of 2FA, I am prioritising some rest, I am trusting my gut with people and protecting my own spirit, I am limiting my availability, I am reminding myself of the good I do in life and practising passive-resistance and non-attack to those trying to discredit me.

Simplify Life: In the face of relentless attacks, simplifying life becomes crucial. I am actively evaluating priorities, streamlining commitments, and focusing on what truly matters. While technology is important in how my life operates and runs, the most important thing to me is knowing I have people around me who care for me, and I care for them.

Support System: I am better at this these days and am not so stubborn. I reach out to friends, family, or colleagues who can offer support and understanding. Sometimes, sharing the burden can lighten the load and provide valuable perspectives. I've ranted to good friends today on messenger (who I know I'm safe with), and they roll with it and then calm me down. My husband asked me if I wanted him to come home from work, and I said, "I'm fine" (my default response because I'm stubbornly independent). He knew I was stressed anyway and came home and made me cheese toasties and a cup of tea. Simple things, right?

Self-Care: I try to incorporate self-care routines into my daily life. Some days, this is as simple as having a shower, washing my hair, doing my skincare, or just listening to my fave Spotify playlists. Self-care doesn't have to be a spa resort massage in Bali (as nice as that would be!). Just something enough to distance myself from the chaos and ground myself into simplicity.

Set Boundaries: I have gotten really good at establishing clear boundaries to protect my time, energy, and spirit in the last few years. I learnt the hard way from my mother, who had few boundaries and suffered. Learning to say no when necessary is a powerful way to prioritise your well-being and focus on what truly matters.

Adaptability & Flexibility: I try to embrace adaptability and flexibility as important values. Life is unpredictable, and being able to adapt to change can enhance your ability to bounce back from setbacks. The people who I see struggle the most in life can't roll with change, and that hinders their psychological and social well-being.

Gratitude Practice: I try to have a gratitude mindset by reflecting on the positive aspects of my life. It's not always easy. It doesn't need to be about keeping a gratitude journal – but sometimes I lie in bed and acknowledge small victories that can shift my focus towards the positive, or I vent to my husband and friends, and they remind me of the wins when I struggle to see them.

Learn from Challenges: Just as I have done here. Every challenge presents an opportunity for growth and learning. I try to reflect on the lessons each experience brings and consider how those can become more resilient in the future.

I have so far to go with my resilience journey, but even just writing this shows me how far I have grown over the years. The things I have encountered this month would have crippled me a few years back. Resilience is an ongoing process, and sometimes resilience is just letting yourself crumble in a heap on the floor, having a cry and standing back up again. As I navigate the various bio-psycho-social-operational attacks, I'm reminded that building resilience is not about avoiding adversity but learning to navigate through it with strength and grace.