Under PRESSURE! - but is it real?

I had a bad morning this morning – rushing, ranting, thinking the worst. Feeling late (not actually so much being late) but under so much pressure around what I had to achieve today.

Yesterday, it was my girlfriend. Stressing, disappointed that a few things went wrong so she didn’t start her day off as planned. Of course, I empathised with her on social media – oh that sucks, how awful. And then I proceeded to do the same today. Is it contagious?? This busy, busy, go, go, stress, rush, hurry life we all have? Where we are caught up in ourselves and then everyone else who is having a tough time and then ourselves again. But how bad was it really?

How real was the pressure I was under? Was it real? Or just some random connotation or perception from a few isolated incidences that made it feel like pressure and stress. Incidences that I had blown out of proportion completely???

It was, in fact, no big deal. The youngest changed the goal posts from drop at school before work to "can you drop me at Maccas and I will walk with my friend?".  

Ok its early – seems reasonable. 

Looks like it’s going to rain, I thought as we drove out of our street. Are they going to have to walk in the rain? I decide to offer the girls a lift to school instead, text your friend now and tee this up so she’s all ready when we swing past, no big deal right? 

So now (of my own doing) I must now detour past Maccas to collect the friend and drive them both to school. Easy!

Righto – the girls are loaded, and we are ready to rocket out of there. Just before we leave, I glance out of my window and notice this girl friend of my daughter has two brothers who are also walking to school.  Guilt hits me!  How can I give one a lift and leave her two brothers to walk in the (potential) rain?? Let me be frank - its NOT even raining - it just might rain.  “Hang on” I yell, much to the distress of my daughter, “want a lift to school as well?”  Of course they do !!!!

Ok, jump out of the car – load my mobile office and bags into the boot with their school bags etc and get everyone squeezed into the car and off we all go, fastening seat belts on the way through the carpark….. rush…..rush…..rush.

What’s a small delay right? Right! 

Off we head at a rate of knots, for the few minute car trip over to the school,  green lights all the way - that’s how we roll baby – all is well. The drop off goes smoothly (this time I put my shoes on to get out of the car and rescue my mobile office and belongings from the boot and I head off to work. 

Then – my thoughts start in…. What's the time? I’m a little later than I expected to be. Will there be any carparks left? Will there be any desks left? (as we all hot desk these days and I knew the whole team was heading in – well I thought I knew).

Before you know it – I’ve manifested my first red light. The first of a series of red lights along the way as it turns out. Now that is just normally not my style, but as the minutes tick by (seconds really), but lets be as dramatic as I felt, I am still obsessing about parking and desks. Really? Could there be anything more appropriate to be obsessing about right now?

I head down for the “coveted” car parks and of course!- I have manifested for myself zero car parks. SO, around the block I go. Doesn’t feel like much and you know what – IT REALLY ISNT! It’s just me setting myself up for a rushed, hurried, busy morning so I can feel all-importantly– “under pressure!”  What on earth am I thinking? Or not thinking at this moment might be more the point.

Ok- this is ok – I find a car park. Its only four hour for an eight hour day – but you know what – I’m going with it. Bugger it. (what a rebel!)  I wrestle with the pop-up Bunnings windscreen protector, that never seems to be my friend and just curl up into a cute little circle like they do for everyone else. I go get my parking ticket and pop it in the windscreen so it can be easily seen, knowing full well that I will forget to go down at lunch time and renew it, so I am setting myself up for a parking ticket! – this is my mind this morning, who is this negative Nancy anyway??? That’s not me! I’m not her - telling me all the crap that could happen today because I’m under sooo much pressure!!!!  

Or not.

I grab my laptop, lunch bag, workbag and phone start to walk away – did I lock my car? Hmm not sure, I was so busy imagining the ticket I might get today for parking for 8 hours in a 4 hour car park that I can't remember.

You know we’re already late right? Sigh – go back and check that the locked car is locked after all. Check!

I head down the road – some distance to get to the office that houses my hot desk, imagining that they will all be full because everyone is going in remember. Oh well – come what may – there ya go! That’s my girl, some positivity is creeping back in, momentarily.

Feeling a little better, I spot the coffee shop opposite and think – you know what – I’m already later than I would have liked to start, why not grab a coffee – knowing full well that in this current "Nancy" state of mind, there will be a long line and a long delay and of course that is exactly what I find…..Why?  Because I asked for it!!!!  Because I told myself I was in a hurry and nothing was going to plan this morning. 

Except – it actually was. What was the big deal?  What actually happened that was so bad? NOTHING!!!! 

No one had a fight, no one got hurt, I wasn’t really that late, and low and behold – I get upstairs and my usual hot desk is there vacant and welcoming me to take a seat and kick off my day. :-)

Right = let’s get to it then…….Open emails….. respond, reply, forward, invite, react – oh shit – maybe I should check that I can forward that skype meeting before I do….. go to text to check on my phone– and automatically hit send on the appointment instead. OMG!!! Just breathe. I only have a little panic attack before asking my colleagues how to recall a forwarded invitation whilst I eagerly await the text response to say its ok…..crossing fingers, not really breathing. Ding! Great – surely its ok. Tell me its ok. Response says, “oh I see you already have forwarded that appointment” (meaning – why did you ask?). Eye Roll

Apologise, stop, breathe and start again... I can do this, this is bloody ridiculous. I almost feel like a scolded kid. Except, its not my colleague making me feel that way. It's all in my own head!

That was my morning in a nutshell. Did anything REALLY bad happen – NO! Was it actually a bad morning? Or did I have a few momentary variations from my usual routine, that really weren’t that bad? Yes - Correct –it is the latter. No Biggie. No real stress, just my perceived irksome impatience at the variations of life because I am imagining that I am so important that someone will notice if I get to work 15 minutes later than usual. Ha Ha

Guess what – no one cared!!!

So my question is this, how much of our so called PRESSURE is made up in our own minds and exacerbated and dramatized by our perceived BUSYNESS in this life?

We all have a lot of data input from all angles. Emails in the thousands, news from around the world popping up on our phones, social media, small business, supporting family members who are sick or have commitments, running kids around, buying food, keeping dentist appointments, finding time for yoga so I get some “ME time” that ends up being more pressure and not enjoyable at all.

Getting the picture?  I’m stepping off this crazy train right this minute! 

I don’t care where I am and what I am doing – I am going to stop and have a little reset. Not a rest just a RE-SET. You can do this anywhere, anytime and you don’t need a guru or a coach or an expert to make sure this is embedded in your everyday life.

Step one – Stop – right here, right now, don’t plan it, don’t schedule it. Just DO it!

Step two - deep breath x 5. Gaze off into the abyss, stare at nothing, be no one to anyone – just you. (it helps if you are wearing earbuds or headphones like everyone else as they can’t tell if you’re actually working or not!) Stretch your arms above your head along with a deep breath if you feel like you are brave enough to not give a shit that someone thinks you are having a kumbaya moment at work. But really, WHO CARES! – this is not actually about anyone else. You are just getting yourself in the moment and slowing down your breathing and heart rate and that fight flight stress hormone cortisol. Which will essentially make you far more focused and useful anyway.

Step three – cease all thought about what is inside your head. The “to do” list can wait and can actually be quite a nice little stress-buster in itself, so never underestimate the power of writing a quick list of tasks and parking it for when you can get to it. Rather than trying to remember it all NOW – RIGHT NOW – whilst you are busy answering the phone – checking emails, writing rosters and finalising that wretched project!!!

Instead – Perform a quick body scan. How am I feeling? Like crap – ok - what was good about your morning? Nothing? - OK Nancy – time to go!  Let’s get some perspective in our “right now”. 

Did anyone die? - I ask this a lot –especially to my over dramatic kids - yeah but did anyone die? If the answer is no – then we are OK. And I recognise that there are times when the answer to this question is yes. If that is the case – for the love of you, and those around you– feel it.  Acknowledge the feelings, allow them to flow, feel the loss and allow yourself to be human. But if the answer is no – get on with it!

Step four – find someone to compliment. I was able to start this process of shifting my mindset before I even got out of the lift. Someone held the lift open for me! Thank you that was lovely of you. By the way, I really like your shirt.

Another breath, another re-set moment, another compliment for someone else. Thank someone for their time, when it’s really helped you out. Tell them you like their hair or wow – they are great shoes. Gee that dress is so pretty. I could go on, but there wasn’t that many people in the office today, and they probably already think I’m a raving lunatic!

Anyway - Try it – you might be surprised and how much EQ (or emotional intelligence) we can conjure up into our day by being in the moment, breathing, taking 5 or 10 minutes, if that works for you. Get up, grab a drink of water, go for a walk and compliment someone! These are all FREE. And I am sure this process actually helped me to communicate some really challenging emails today with enough measure of intelligence, leadership and empathy. That can be a hard combination to master in a challenging situation.

So then, I think to myself,  "Do I actually have that much pressure?"  "Was it a bad morning, or just a variation to the norm that set my nerves on edge this morning?"  "Did anyone die?"  "Did I actually need that Valium latte on the way to work?"

The Absolute Worst part of all the above is?  WE ALL KNOW THIS STUFF!! It’s not new, or trendy or fanciful. WE JUST DON’T STOP LONG ENOUGH TO DO WHAT WE KNOW WE NEED TO DO. Take the time out of your day to get some perspective on your “MOMENTS”

Because at the end of the day the MOMENTS are all we have. It’s the moments that create our quality of life and provide us with pleasure.

You owe it to yourself. And your family. And by the way - I recommend you do this before you go home as well, leave the work at work. Take the best of you home to the people who love you the most.