An Unconventional Love Letter to My Husband on Our 25th wedding Anniversary

As a young woman, I was pretty bought into the romantic idea of movie love. Apologies to anyone I have ever dated – I mean how in the heck are you supposed to live up to that? After being married for 25 years, I have come to realize that love is 1% flowers and sunshine and really more made up of laughter, lessons and a willingness to choose each other every day.

Below are 25 years’ worth of lessons I have learned from Jeff and our marriage.

Year 0 (1996) – married in Denmark and the US): Disagreeing doesn’t mean it’s over. In fact, I remember a moment in the middle of an argument thinking, “Wow, I am not afraid at all. I know we will work this out. I trust us.” That’s when I really knew how much I loved you.

Year 1 (1997): We moved to England from Germany so I could go to Cambridge. Princess Diana died the day after we moved to Windsor, and then your company relocated you to Spain. Instead of sacrificing my dreams, we agreed to live apart. When you are both growing and not together, it is excruciating at times. When you choose each other, you have to make space for the many iterations of who that person will become.

Year 2 (1998): We moved to Poland, and we learned how to negotiate with the Polish police. That’s a story for another day. Also, when diving in the Maldives, be careful of the illegal fishing lines.

Year 3 (1999): We moved to Colorado. This was the first time I saw networking and friendship in action – at least where it registered. Mark, Perry, Bryan and Jenny, Scott and Jody – so many people from our travels abroad had ended up here, and I realized they had become family. When you live abroad (and cells phones aren’t really a thing yet), your friends become your lifeline. You love them hard. ???

Year 4 (2000): Buying a house is really scary and expensive.

Year 5 (2001): Breck was born, and I knew that you were going to be the most committed and fun dad. Watching you hold our baby boy for the first time will always be one of my favorite memory gifts.

Year 6 (2002 - Wisconsin): Building a house is harder than just buying a house, but we are pretty good at teamwork!

Year 7 (2003): Life can be filled with heartbreak and trauma and joy at the same time. Turn towards God and each other and you will withstand the storm.

Year 8 (2004): Whew. This started the whirlwind of you being gone an awful lot – but I knew that I could not hold you back and ask you to be someone you weren’t. Marriage is about compromise, but not about changing the very spirit of who someone is.

Year 9 (2005): The year our family became complete. You do not have a finite amount of love to give. Your heart expands infinitely if you let it.

Year 10 (2006): If you want to move beyond really hard times, find a way to kick it in the ass. This was the year we worked together to create Brecker Bunny Learns to Be Careful. ?

Year 11 (2007): Date night with three little kids sometimes looks like sushi, wine and a movie at 9 PM on a Friday night while the kids are sleeping. Also, you will get called into the principal’s office if your kindergartener draws an anatomically correct teddy bear.

Year 12 (2008): Our family will always be up or down for any adventure. We made sure of it! Hikes, getting lost, boat rides, camping, bugs, dirt. All the things.

Year 13 (2009): When your children get involved in sports – your life is gone. Also, when your children get involved in sports and activities, you will meet some of the best humans in the world. Most of our best friends we met through our kids. ?

Year 14 (2010): Being a part of change in our community and world is absolutely stitched into the fabric of who we are. If we are not serving, we are not us.

Year 15 (2011): We can go on a five-week camping trip all the way to Alaska and back with no screens and come back even closer as a family. I still remember pulling into our driveway when it was all over and feeling the loss of the trip ending. Still one of my very favorite trips.

Year 16 (2012): Operation Family Dinner. We moved to Arizona because we decided having dinner together was the most important thing we could do for our family at this time. So, we made it happen.

Year 17 (2013): We learned that tarantula hawks suck, but that AZ peeps know how to party in Mexico – yearly – and that even adults have to totally let loose once and awhile so we can adult better. ?

Year 18 (2014): Laughter is the cure for everything. Looking through our pictures from that year – we are marvelously weird. Flat Faith, garbage bag clothes, dog in the cradle with a sleep mask…we find joy every day.

Year 19 (2015): We will do anything to show up for our kids. Including homeschooling one for an entire year. God bless that do it for longer! Best and hardest schooling year ever. ?

Year 20 (2016): California Bound! We like living in 70-degree weather better than 120-degree weather. ?

Year 21 (2017): Watching our kids pursue their passions is one of the greatest joys on this earth.

Year 22 (2018): Sometimes it is really hard to talk about money, budgets, dreams and expectations. Sometimes you have back stories that aren’t true. Talk it out. Always. It is so much easier to speak your truth.

Year 23 (2019): When life gives us lemons, we start a freaking lemonade stand. Period.

Year 24 (2020): We can live through a pandemic with three teenagers and still like each other.

Year 25 (2021): There is still so much we have yet to learn about each other. I love that there are still more adventures to have and that I get to have them with you each and every day. We aren’t perfect, but we are perfectly us. Cheers to 25 years of laughter and lessons. I choose you every day.?