Unconscious Paradigms Worth Examining: Meaning

This is the fourth article in a series about the inner paradigms that shape how we...see, navigate, make sense of, and carve success in the world.?

If it's true that "what got you here, won't get you there," then these are the largely unconscious paradigms that are worth "holding up to the light" if you want to make fundamental changes to how you show up and lead.

Three paradigms to examine are:

1. What's the motivation/drive that gets you out of bed in the morning?
2. What is your "Winning Strategy?"
3. How do you think about the causes and meaning of outcomes in your life?

In Part 1 , I outlined some of the forces that might drive you out of bed in the morning and some inquiries that will help you examine your prime mover so you can decide whether what's motivating you needs to change in light of the 'there' you are trying to reach.

In Part 2 , we looked at Winning Strategies, how to identify them, how they help you succeed, and how they limit you, especially when working on a stretch role/goal.

Part 3 took on a paradigm few have really looked at: how you think about the web of causation behind the outcomes you experience.

This final installment explores the meaning you assign to events and outcomes you experience.

Before diving in, let me be clear: I have no desire to change how you interpret the world and what you think is meaningful and important.? If you determine that an outcome is positive or negative, means something in particular, is worth preserving or alternatively, worth working to change, great.

But in the context of this entire series of articles...that you are going after something new or bigger in scope or with new challenges which are going to require you to show up differently to play at this new level...my hope is that you are at least willing to consider whether a looser grip on the meaning you assign to outcomes might be expedient for this pursuit.

But there are many reasons to believe that what we decide about outcomes, whether great...that's how Life Should Be...or "wrong"...that is how Life Shouldn't Be, are just more stories with no absolute truth.? "But," you say, "they have personal truth which matters a lot."? Yes, I agree, but even those personal truths that we often cling so desperately to are, to say the least, rather fluid.

Meaning-Making Machines

It feels like mortals are meaning-making machines.?

It's hard to know the origin of this impulse. Was it just a survival strategy that got "selected for?"? Those that saw patterns and ascertained the "correct" meaning, survived and passed their genes on.? Those that didn't, well, thanks for playing.

And even though there are now less life-threatening scenarios to worry about, we still constantly sort news, events, and everything we experience into what pleases us and and what we find aversive, what are signs of progress and what are setbacks, what affirms who we think we are and what has to change, like we were sorting baskets of light and dark laundry.

Tracy Goos calls this the Universal Human Paradigm.? We have beliefs about the way life Should and Shouldn't Be.?

Whenever we encounter something that is inconsistent with the way we think things should be, we believe something's wrong, and then we decide if we need to mobilize to "get things right."

But there are many reasons to believe that what we decide about outcomes, whether great...that's how Life Should Be...or "wrong"...that is how Life Shouldn't Be, are just more stories with no absolute truth.? "But," you say, "they have personal truth which matters a lot."? Yes, I agree, but even those personal truths that we often cling so desperately to are, to say the least, rather fluid.

The Flux of Meaning

First, we all have a different set of Should Be's and Shouldn't Be's.? They arise from our families of origin, our experiences, cultural norms, genetics, etc.? My beliefs about the way Life Should Be and Shouldn't Be are likely quite different from yours.

Take ramen.? If you're from the West you were probably told to not make noises when eating, especially in public, and that anyone that did make loud noises when eating their food was regarded as rude or having been "raised in a barn."? But slurping your noodles, even loudly, is not only perfectly acceptable in places like Japan and China, but actually considered to be a compliment to the chef.?

Now ramen is of course trivial.? But it's quite common for groups of people to experience the exact same event and interpret it differently based on their culture, upbringing, experiences, and expectations.? Spending five minutes on X (aka Twitter) will provide confirmation.? This suggests that there is no absolute meaning to an event or experience.

Second, not only a lack of absolute meaning, but the personal meanings we assign to outcomes are fluid as well.?

Even when there is a relative consensus among observers around an outcome being bad or being good, that consensus is often short-lived.? The well known Taoist farmer story points out that what seems good in the moment could lead to problems down the road and vice versa.?

Further, elements of your life you have long thought were important, significant, meant something, and were worth hanging onto...whether a trophy or a marriage or a grudge...can be completely let go of after a significant life event like someone close to you dying or a health crisis of your own. So our own meanings are fluid!

Here are two other, ostensibly, super annoying facts.?

First, cryonics aside, we and all the people who know us will be dead in 100 years.? Time eats everything, especially our thoughts and judgments about events.??? Those "nattering nabobs of negativism" whose opinion we worry so much about?? They'll be dead too.

Second, at some point, they put you in the ground and throw dirt on your face.? No matter when that is, you will likely go into the ground with a relative sense of happiness about your life and the significance of what you did.? Some things in life "worked out" as you believe they should have and will seem meaningful and be a source of contentment and there will be some outcomes or chances you never took that you will be disappointed about.?

And this relative level of satisfaction/meaningfulness is remarkably stable!?

If they had put you in the ground ten years ago, that would have been the case then...satisfied with some aspects, disappointed about painful mistakes and the "un-dones."?

Even with all you have done and accomplished in the last ten years, if they put you in the ground today, that same relative sense of happiness would be there...stoked about the points you put on the board and disappointed about new mistakes and new things that you had put on your list that you didn't get to.?

And no matter what you do or don't do in the next ten years, if they put you in the ground ten years from now, you will have a similar, relative level of satisfaction about your life.

It is a topic for another post, but many feel a sense that their life is not quite complete and that that sense of completion lies just around the bend with the next set of experiences.

But the fact is that Life doesn't work out the way any of us think it should.? It works out the way it does.

Further, elements of your life you have long thought were important, significant, meant something, and were worth hanging onto...whether a trophy or a marriage or a grudge...can be completely let go of after a significant life event like someone close to you dying or a health crisis of your own.

Here's where we are:? 1) meaning is not the same for everyone, therefore not absolute, 2) our own decisions about what an outcome means often change with time, 3) you are going to be satisfied and dissatisfied, no matter when they lower you into the ground.

Way to go, Dennis...there is no meaning and it doesn't matter what you do...you've augured this post into the ground of Nihilism.

Not Nihilism.? Freedom.

If nihilism is what you want to call it, that's fine.

It's also freedom.

This whole series has all been about this big opportunity you are reaching for or want to reach for, the one where you have to change who you are to get there.

Do you want to go after this new opportunity wringing your hands about whether you will do a good job, whether it will "work out," whether you will be disappointed, whether there will be mopping up to do, whether others will judge you?

Because there is another way to use the unknowable web of causation, the instability of meaning, the inevitable relative satisfaction when they lower you into the ground, and the fact that those currently judging your efforts and outcomes will be in nearby graves.?

You could use it to Play Big, to go for something you would really like to see manifest in the world.

There are no guarantees of course.? There will be "consequences" that will have to be dealt with if you don't succeed and a different set of consequences that will have to be dealt with if you do.

But whether you get to celebrate or you have to clean up a mess or whether you just get to trudge the road on something important to you, another consideration is that time is short. You don't really get that many at-bats.

"You will lose everything. Your money, your power, your fame, your success, perhaps even your memories. Your looks will go. Loved ones will die. Your body will fall apart. Everything that seems permanent is impermanent and will be smashed. Experience will gradually, or not so gradually, strip away everything that it can strip away. Waking up means facing this reality with open eyes and no longer turning away. But right now, we stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realizing this is the key to unspeakable joy. Whoever or whatever is in your life right now has not yet been taken away from you. This may sound trivial, obvious, like nothing, but really it is the key to everything, the why and how and wherefore of existence. Impermanence has already rendered everything and everyone around you so deeply holy and significant and worthy of your heartbreaking gratitude.

Everything is heading towards its own grave.?

But not yet.? Not just yet.?

And every moment it and you are not in the ground is an opportunity for you to make an offering on this sacred alter that is your Life.?

Which brings us to the question of what you are going to do with your next at-bat.

Autotelicity:? A Decision-Making North Star in a World of Fluid Meaning

As he walked into the Four Seasons, Matt Damon did not know what to expect. The actor had just received a phone call asking if he wanted to meet Ted Williams. Damon did not need to think twice. “Absolutely,” he said. He introduced himself and told Williams that he had grown up in Boston. And that he had read his book as a kid.? “Bull—-! You didn’t read my book,” Williams said. “I really did,” Damon said. “‘The Science of Hitting.’ I read your book.” “All right, what do I say is the most important thing?” “Get a good pitch to hit,” he said. Williams jumped up and hugged the young actor.? Ted Williams Created an All-Star Game moment for the Ages 25 Years Ago.

You say:? "OK, I get it.? I want to go for it, but the truth is I have multiple options.? How do I know which is the right job or opportunity for me to throw myself at?"?

In other words, as the greatest hitter of all time advised, how do you get a good pitch to hit?"

There aren't answers, but there are signs.?

If you are considering doing something only for the potential outcomes...the money, the success, the "win," you might be "externally" driven.?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Much of what we have and enjoy today comes from externally driven people.? Thank goodness for the externally driven!

But when you do something that you wouldn't do without that potential "pot of gold," there is risk, because as discussed in Part 3 , you don't fully control those outcomes and you don't know what does.

On the other hand, if the activity is autotelic, worth doing for it's own sake, then no matter what the outcome, the pursuit itself is rewarding.

There are many examples of this.?

• A Tibetan Sand Mandala...large, beautifully-connected geometric shapes of colored sand labored over for days and then swept into a river upon completion...is an example.?
• Charlie Banacos , the famous jazz educator, used to spend weeks composing elaborate symphonies, play them once and burn them. It wasn't about the symphony. It was about the act of composing.
• Mother Teresa and her Sisters of Charity went into Beirut in the early 1980s during the Lebanese Civil War.? The crisis and fighting were intense, and death was all around.? A reporter met with Mother Teresa as she entered the country, pointed out the destruction and despair, and asked her how she thought she could be successful.? She replied, "We're not here to be successful.? We're here to be faithful." ~Mother Teresa documentary (1986).

Those examples are a bit lofty.? It's not that complex.? Almost any hobby is autotelic.

Here is a story I recently heard that illustrates not only the concept, but also an important clue to help you sort through your possible options.

Haruki Murakami is a Japanese writer whose novels, essays, and short stories have been best-sellers in Japan and internationally.

The part of that story I like the most is "something flew down from the sky and whatever it was, I accepted it."

This might be the final indication of which of the big opportunities in front of you is the right one for you:? Where did the idea come from?

• Is this something that arose from your deep curiosity about the topic?? Do you research and attempt to broaden your knowledge in the area in question no matter where it leads, just for the joy it brings you?? This is autotelic, by definition.
• Did you seek this opportunity specifically and if so was the motivation about the outcomes from succeeding? This might suggest there are strong external motivations behind this option.
• Or were you not looking for it at all and it just popped into your head, as it did with Haruki?? Or did someone approach you "out of the blue" with one of the options? This also has hints there might be an element of autotelecity to this choice.

If one of the options is more autotelic than the others, the only question is whether or not your are going to answer the call of adventure.

And even though it won't mean anything whether you take a big swing or don't, or whether you finish and it "works out" or you have to mop up, why not walk a road that is its own joy??

In the final installment, I will summarize and conclude this series on Unconscious Paradigms Worth Examining.

Dennis Adsit, Ph.D. is the President of Adsum Insights and designer of?The First 100 Days and Beyond , a consulting service for leaders in transition who need to get the best possible start in challenging new roles.