Unconditional Positive Regard: Finding Joy in Seeing the Best in Others
Cassie Davison BSc, MBA, FBII
Helping Hospitality Businesses Thrive | Mentor, NED, Management Consultant, and Strategic Advisor
Throughout my life, I've maintained a positive outlook, a perspective instilled in me by my mother, a teacher who handled 'difficult' and 'troubled' children daily. She taught me that there's no such thing as 'naughty' or 'evil,' that even the worst behaviors stem from reactions to the world. All babies are born innocent.
Embracing this view often led me into tricky situations, as I allowed boundaries with others to flex more than they should have. I've been stung a few times, to be honest. But then, I encountered someone I deeply respected who stated, "Some people are just ****'s!" I was horrified by this blunt statement, but I carried it with me and decided to test the idea. Are some people simply not very nice? Do they navigate the world with a selfish focus, taking from others without a care for anyone else?
Initially, I remained unconvinced, though I admit it was liberating to step back from constantly trying to explain others' bad behavior and offer boundless compassion and understanding, even when their values didn't align with my own. But now, years later, with the privilege of age and experience, I've had the chance to test these ideas and reflect on various situations and... I still absolutely disagree!
I can't recount a single instance where I've been wronged or mistreated by someone else without interrupting myself, whilst recounting the experience, with the statement, "To be fair..." I find it easy to explain the other party's motivations and perspectives. I do this consistently, and I genuinely believe it's the right thing to do. It extends compassion to the world and acknowledges that we're all in this together. While our life experiences may differ, our reactions to those experiences are often similar. We can understand and empathize with others because we're all grappling with the same complexities, driven by the same fundamental needs.
What a relief it is!
My brilliant sister introduced me to the concept of 'unconditional positive regard,' and it struck me as a beautiful idea. To approach the world by seeing only the best in others is a blessing. It's a well-known phenomenon that what you look for is what you see, and choosing to see only the positive is a powerful act.
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Sure, some people may occasionally take advantage of this approach, and some might misuse it. However, in my experience, such instances are rare. The opportunities for trust, sharing, and feeling unashamed far outweigh the negatives. Over the years, working in hospitality, I used to teach our staff the technical aspects of customer service, customer lifetime value calculations, step-by-step procedures, and incentivizing them to exceed expectations. Now, while those things are still important, we begin with kindness. If they understand compassion and unconditional positive regard, they can't go wrong.
A line from the film "Everything, Everywhere, All at Once" sums up my life philosophy perfectly: "When I choose to see the good side of things, I'm not being naive. It is strategic and necessary."
Being kind, seeing the best in others, seeking opportunities to forgive, offering compassion and unconditional positive regard are why I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and I hope to spend the rest of my lifetime seeing the joy.
P.S. None of this means that you shouldn't have clear boundaries. In fact, clear boundaries and expectations of others' behavior are themselves acts of kindness, but perhaps that's a topic for another discussion.
Celebrant and Spiritualist
1 年Your positivity is contagious, keep supporting all. There is always some good in everyone, sometimes we have to look for it.
Helping you to retain your employees, increase revenue, enhance team work and communication, strengthen mental resilience and build a business legacy.
1 年Completely agree Cassie Davison BSc, MBA, FBII. An absolute must in counselling and something I believe Leaders should display, as I believe it would increase trust, motivation and openness.
Owner at Loud & Clear Voice Coaching Top voice, acting & public speaking coach with over 50 years experience. Online and face to face sessions . Improve your confidence in all forms of oral communication.
1 年I am with you there Cassie. I too always try to have a positive approach to all people and happenings, although there can be a few knocks along the way.
CRS Matrix: Providing professional gas, heating and electrical services.
1 年Cassie Davison BSc, MBA, FBII, your words resonate deeply with me, and I truly admire your unwavering commitment to seeing the best in everyone. Your principle of ‘Unconditional Positive Regard’ is indeed a beacon of hope in a world that often leans towards skepticism. It’s not just about naiveté or blind optimism but a profound understanding of the intrinsic value every individual holds. Your journey, especially the challenging moments and the lessons learned, serves as an inspiration. It reminds us of the transformative power of kindness, empathy, and trust. The quote from “Everything, Everywhere, All at Once” indeed captures the essence of your philosophy beautifully. Choosing to see the good isn’t about wearing rose-colored glasses but about consciously deciding to create an environment of trust and mutual respect. Thank you for sharing this personal perspective. It’s a beautiful reminder of the importance of empathy, compassion, and, most importantly, boundaries. I wholeheartedly agree that setting boundaries is an act of kindness - to oneself and to others. Looking forward to your discussion on the importance of boundaries in practicing unconditional positive regard. Keep shining and spreading that infectious joy!
Multi Award-Winning - Helping business owners improve the mental fitness of themselves and their workforce by adopting a proactive and preventative approach to mental health.
1 年Absolutely Cassie Davison BSc, MBA, FBII the ability to exercise true compassion is a super power that is often misunderstood. To be kind and understanding whilst exercising wisdom, courage and strength is not the easy or naive option. I firmly believe it is the option that fosters lovely humans, builds good communities and creates a society we can all be proud to live in. X