Unconditional Love Doesn’t Exist

This is the common denominator I have observed…..

In a nutshell…. Men and Successful men, want women who “STAY OUT OF THE WAY”.

Walk Before You Can Run

It is through the initial placement of conditions based on our highest values that we dissolve boundaries, borders and ultimately limiting conditions. But we must walk before we may run… The only way TO is THROUGH.

If unconditional love is considered an ultimate state of being, then to get there, we must take baby steps. We must move THROUGH connecting to and with conditional love in order to learn and gauge how to embody unconditional states of being.

Successful women have their own agenda and don’t put up with such shit as loser buddies, bossy in laws or crazy ex girlfriends.

Non successful girls have all the time in the world to while away, waiting for their man to play golf, take calls, work late, take meetings, be arm candy, etc. etc. etc.

For successful women, SECONDS COUNT, just like they do for a successful man. Men basically want an easy breezy girl that has nothing to do and nowhere gotta they be.

These types of girls make no demands because they don’t have any conflicting goals or aspirations. they are perfectly OK with giving all their free time over to their plus one’s friends, family and agenda or waiting YEARS to get proposed to.

Successful women try to close and negotiate with men the same way they would close or negotiate any other deal or transaction in their life. This gets misread as “crazy”, “needy” or “desperate”. Successful women make decisions QUICKLY and can just as quickly leave men behind or worse… force an ultimatum before lunch.

Successful men need to work on their own time table and successful women need to do the same. Thus their schedules much less their emotions NEVER get a chance to sync up.

Unconditional love is all about endurance and challenges, difficulties and problems. That is including couples who quarrel. When you start of in life with the one you love, life it's self doesn't know both of you, so you are both going to have differences of opinions, situations and disagreements. Yes you fall out and that's good.

This is normal behavior, you are an individual, you are allowed to say what you feel and think. Then after you forgive each other and then carry on. That is unconditional love.

Learning to except that we share the fact that we are human. Sharing the fact you can tolerate each others way of looking at problems and difficulties, now the good part.

You work together to resolve the problems you have to compromise and learn that it's all about living together, proving what stands in your way of love.

You work at the relationship, unconditional love is all about being able to say no matter how difficulties we have, we can get through it all together.

Are you setting yourself up for disappointment in love?

We want to be loved as we are, and perhaps we’d like to see ourselves as capable of selfless love.

Unfortunately, loving unconditionally may set us up for disappointment and shame when our ideal doesn’t match the reality of how difficult — or perhaps impossible — it is to love unconditionally.

As adults, we also desire and need safe relationships. Opening our heart, we want to trust that a beloved partner or loyal friend will be there when we need them. 

Clinging to a sense of entitlement, we may fly into blame or rage when our partner’s needs clash with our own. For better or worse, mature love can only thrive under certain conditions. Just as a rose needs ample sun, water, and nutrients to survive and flourish, we cannot expect love to thrive under sterile or hostile conditions. There needs to be (enough) mutuality.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate. 

Thank you …Loving doesn’t mean always supplying what another person wants, being tirelessly accepting, and having no needs of our own.

An immature view of love saddles us with the obligation to satisfy every need, soothe every sorrow, and complies with every request — and we wind up berating ourselves for not being spirituality evolved if we fall short of that ideal.

The challenge in every healthy relationship is being responsive to our partner while also affirming our own needs and longings.

 This means honoring ourselves enough to have limits and set boundaries — being willing to respond with our own “yes,” our “no,” and our “maybe.”

Loving means being sensitive to the space between ourselves and others — being respectful, attentive, and attuned to each other’s feelings and wants.

 It means slowing down, staying connected to our body, and allowing ourselves to be affected by what others feel and want.

Love asks us to take another’s requests seriously and to make them happy, if we can do so without harming ourselves. It doesn’t mean feeling obligated always to say “yes.”

But it does mean that declining a request must be done with respect and sensitivity, rather than in a harsh or dismissive way, which damages trust. Or it means working things out so that both of our needs can be met.

Want to add word or two?  

If our partner wants us to visit our difficult in-laws, we can decline with empathy and kindness. We can vulnerably express our fears and concerns, which allows our partner to understand and respond to our needs and wants.

A key to the elusive intimacy we seek is letting ourselves be seen while seeing another’s inner life. The process of sharing and being responsive to our respective inner worlds is usually more important than the outcome.

Love requires an expansive and spacious presence. It cannot flourish if we ignore or minimize our partner’s needs. But neither can it thrive if we deny our own desires, which can create resentment.

Part of a loving bond is trusting that our partner is strong enough to experience occasional disappointment when we’re not inclined to be accommodating — and trusting that being true to ourselves won’t damage the relationship, as long as we do it kindly.

Your comment ….?   

A healthy relationship doesn’t mean fusing or merging. We’re separate people who have differences that require respect. The popular view of unconditional love fails to recognize the importance of developing frustration tolerance when things don’t go our way.

Relationships become stronger when we both have a capacity for self-soothing — taking care of ourselves emotionally when soothing from others is not forthcoming.

Love cannot mean that our partner must deny their desires in order to accommodate us. Nor can it mean suppressing our own longings in order to wear the spiritual badge of honor of being unconditionally loving.

There’s the fire of another’s burning needs, and that fire of our own desires. Working with how our desires interact is a central part of the art of loving.

Love cannot thrive without courageous self-awareness and rigorous self-honesty. Is our “no” payback for perceived injuries? Are we perpetuating a power struggle? Have we stored up hurts and resentments that leak out?

Healthy relationships require knowing our feelings, our limits, and our motivations. Is it really too painful to visit our in-laws?

Or do we want our partner to feel the pain we’re carrying from some past event?

The greatest gift we can give another person is the gift of our own personal growth. The more we know ourselves and develop the courage and skills to communicate our inner experience, the more that trust and love can flourish. 

It may be unwise and impossible to love unconditionally in the sense of staying with a partner no matter how poorly they treat us, or how destructive it is for us (being severely depressed or suicidal). But if we define unconditional love as follows, I’m all in, although I prefer the less grandiose term “mature love,”