Uncomfortable Truths

“Discomfort is the price we pay for growth.” ~ Julia Cameron

Discomfort.

It’s a feeling that most of us would rather avoid.

You know it. That uncomfortable feeling in your gut, the tightness in your chest, or the restlessness in your mind.

It seems to me that it is one of the hardest things for humans to do is to feel discomfort and to choose to keep our hearts open and to stay in connection with ourselves, with others, and with the more-than-human world around us.

That makes a lot of sense to me because I don’t know anyone who truly enjoys feeling discomfort. Why would you? It does exactly what it says on the tin?—?it feels uncomfortable. My body much prefers to be relaxed, satiated and comfortable. So the instinct to shut down, distract or numb out so you don’t have to feel is understandable.

But this avoidance strategy might be doing us more harm than good.

It turns out that you can’t selectively numb out to feelings and emotions. Avoiding discomfort means feeling less of everything. For me, that resulted in a pretty narrow and shallow version of life. It’s like trying to play Mozart with the ends of the keyboard cut off. It doesn’t matter how good a pianist you are; it’s going to sound like something’s missing.

Ironically, this led to me seeking out discomfort as a way to feel something, anything, after years of numbing myself. It was a strange paradox, but it seemed like the only way to break through the emotional numbness I was experiencing.

Over time, I’ve learned that the more I can be with discomfort, the less I need to chase it. It’s like my nervous system is recalibrating. I’m finding more ease in everyday life, and I’m able to approach challenges with a calmer, more centred mindset.

It’s important to distinguish between pushing yourself into pain and simply allowing yourself to feel discomfort. There’s plenty of suffering in the world without us creating more for ourselves. I believe in challenging myself and stepping outside of my comfort zone, but there’s a difference between that and recklessly pushing past my limits.

I think of it like this: there’s a ‘tender edge’ where I can explore new possibilities while still feeling grounded and safe. It’s about finding that sweet spot where I can grow and learn without overwhelming myself.

Because there are lots of important experiences in life that aren’t always pleasant to be in.

Grief. Conflict. Uncertainty.

They’re all important teachers and, when you move away from them too quickly, you risk missing the message.

To allow yourself to love and cherish what’s precious in life comes with loss and grief, or at least the fear of losing that precious thing. You can’t have love without grief. And my experience of grief is that it also comes with love and appreciation for what I do still have in the world.

My ability to stay with discomfort is key to me staying present with life.

It’s when I avoid it that it becomes overwhelming. It’s like all the feelings eventually catch up with me and then take my feet out from under me.

When I turn towards uncomfortable feelings, like grief, and I can be with it in ways that feel safe enough?—?calibrated, connected, and in community?—?I notice that there’s something on the other side. Every time I move through the discomfort and pain, I find meaning, wisdom and agency. I can’t control much of anything in life but I do have agency in how I respond.

Next time life gets a bit uncomfortable, notice what you do in your body. What are your coping strategies that help you move away? What might it be like to turn towards the experience, to get curious about it and allow your heart to stay open even in the face of pain?

You don’t have to suffer for the sake of suffering. It’s about finding a way to be present with the discomfort, to understand it, and to learn from it. By doing so, you open yourself up to a world of possibility and choice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. What resonates with you? What questions do you have?

Originally published at https://vixanderton.com on July 24, 2024.