Uncomfortable Realities: Where is the trust, respect and shared power?

I have been in conversation with Amna Akhtar, co-founder and Creative Director of Girl Dreamer. In our conversation, we realised that there is a lot going on from the perspective of young people in our sector that perhaps CEOs like me do not realise.

Amna and I are teaming up to share some thoughts to see if there is a wider one to be had about power and vulnerability in our sector. Amna’s blog can be found via @heygirldreamer--_. We share the same title and we are publishing at the same time.

So here goes…

People who know me and my and work will know I care about respect and equality. QCT, the organisation I started a few years ago, has a vision of a world where young people are equal partners in driving change. At its heart is respect for young people's experience, insight and expertise. My team is getting good feedback about what we do and how we do it - but I still have a great deal to learn. An incident at a residential last year showed me just how much.

I attended a philanthropy retreat last year that involved younger leaders in the sector. In one session, I spoke about an event in Malawi earlier that summer, where I danced in celebration of education, alongside with young members of women's education leadership network that I know well.

In feedback to organisers, one of the younger delegates said my behaviour was inappropriate, that it reinforced negative stereotypes and should not have happened. In accordance with the protocols of the feedback, the organisers called me to let me know, on a no-names basis, what had been said.

I was mortified. I felt this so unfair - I had not given the whole story of how long I had worked with these women, how I shared so many special moments with them and how deeply I respected and learned from their leadership.

But then I caught myself on. I am white, middle-aged, privileged and, whether I see it or not, I am powerful. I lead an organisation that has "Commonwealth" in its title. Young people see this word very differently, given their lived experience and the experience of their families over generations. Historic injustice arising from colonialism and the slave trade, to name but a few, led to great suffering and disadvantage to millions of people over generations - particularly in Africa. The consequences of this systemic injustice live on and this is now crystal clear to everyone. Observed through this lens, my dancing can rightly be called out.

This critique was painful - confronting uncomfortable realities about oneself always is - but it has helped me to dig deeper and to think harder about respect, power and what it is to be vulnerable. I have learned some important lessons.

One lesson is this. If you are a white CEO, you can have a particular look. It is a look that says power, privilege and influence – even if you don’t feel you have any of those things. To the outside world and to people your organisations support, you have and you do.  If you lead a funding organisation- even more so. Our actions and our language matter – and this is as much a safeguarding issue as anything else.

In conversation with Amna Akhtar and Kiran Kaur, co-founders of Girl Dreamer, I hear that young people are sharing that they feel uncomfortable by funders of all kinds. This is despite safeguarding requirements and the desire we all have to get this right.

If young people have received support from our sector, or as they apply for the first time, they feel they have to work to a particular script in their interactions with us. The very expression “beneficiary” puts those applying at a disadvantage and can keep them there. There is no room for doubt where the power lies when this kind of language is used.

Young founders who have established organisations in response to a trauma of some kind shared that they are expected to relive these traumas to explain why they should receive funding. They feel they have to prostrate themselves with a begging bowl rather than having a conversation based on mutual respect.

Charities with fundraising needs often put people they have supported on stage to talk about how they were helped and the difference that it made, to persuade donors or potential donors to give money to help more great work happen. Most organisations have done this, including my own.

A second lesson for me is this. There is a real risk that, we as leaders may not see that for participants, there is a big power imbalance in the room, as they share stories often of trauma and vulnerability. I am hearing that this can make them feel uncomfortable or unsure. They worry that they must play their part well or funding could be jeopardised while at the same time potentially being triggered while feeling again junior, weaker – the beneficiary in the room.

Kiran and Amna have both experienced this in relation to working in this sector and in wider society as they built Girl Dreamer from the ground up. Their expectation has been rejection, or to have inappropriate approaches made to them or to be questioned on their right to have a view – probably best summed up as “who do you think you are?” They have felt, as young women of colour, completely powerless to do anything about it. Until now.

Girl Dreamer has created a space for a conversation with young people about how funders and others with power make them feel. Slowly but surely, other young people are now speaking up, sharing similar stories of hurt, shame and vulnerability in their interactions with organisations in our sector and in wider society. Stories they felt too vulnerable to share until now. We can all have the complaints and feedback policies in the world, but if people see only risk in using them, they have little or no value. Having heard these observations from Amna and Kiran, I wanted to share this with more widely so, just in case this is happening on a bigger scale, we can address it.

CEOs set the values and tone and are responsible to safeguard the vulnerable in all settings. Many leaders do this really well but we all need to be on the ball. We need to lift any weight from the shoulders of those we support, ensuring they stand shoulder to shoulder with us, as equals, in sharing the value of the work that we have done together.

If there is a problem that we did not know about, we need to act. Let’s celebrate what is good, be prepared to be vulnerable and face and fix what is not working. I think it is time we stopped using the word “beneficiary” and go forward instead as partners in the mission that we share, ending unfairness together.

I will do what I can with my power and platform to help. If anyone wants to join in this discussion, you can reach me at [email protected].