Uncertainty Sucks. But Are you Missing the Bliss of the Blur?

(As I navigate uncertainty for the umpteenth time, I remembered an old essay from my time living in Bulgaria @Circa 2005...)

Occasionally.....

In the morning.....

I forget to put in my contac. I only wear one.

My morning is not particularly hectic these days. But I'm not particularly good at routine.

And somehow, this task slips into the the cracks of the rarely swept fake-gemstone-floor of my dive-bar-sized bathroom.

In our master-bathroom-sized flat, I can’t see for more than about ten feet so it’s not until I realize the stoplight is only a orange-ish haze on my walk to work that I realize my mistake.

But it made me think about a world where I could see less clearly. What would that be like?

It sounds frightening. And yet.....

The other night, before bed, after removing my contac, I stood on our building’s stairway balcony. It is simple. Cement. Ugly. Permanently under construction, with no completion planned.

There is no rust-colored fire-escape ladder.

No room for a table.

No wrought iron curly-cues.

Patti Smith never wrote lyrics here. Edward Lewis did not rescue Princess Vivian here.

But it’s the only real place of refuge in my life.... and with a little imagination, it can be exotic.

As I looked down into the alley with its shiny garbage cans, broken bikes and feral orange cats–I realized that it all looked much more beautiful than ever before.

Because without my contac, it was blurry. Unclear. Like Bulgarian coversations. Like poetry. Like the future.

I’ve always been so big on communication and defined lines.

I tell people when I’m hungry. I tell people when I’m happy. I want them to tell me too!

Signs provide me with a sense of relief. (Thank goodness we’re going the right way–because what if we weren’t!!)

Instructions! Let’s follow them! I am obsessed with maps and street names and following the GPS.

And I am fond of FEEDBACK.

Most of us are.

As "Writing Down the Bones" author Natalie Goldberg lamented about her free-writing class: “. . . encouraged my writing students to just write and read: No good. No bad. And . . .this non-criticism became unnerving. . . . . . .their main model was getting “corrected.” When I didn’t say anything, there was empty space. That was scary. What was there to hold on to? Nothing.”

And this country’s not big on feedback either. Bulgarians are masters at the poker face. A returned smile is a rare treat.

I’ve realized that I want SO badly to know EXACTLY what’s going on–what the recipe says, every feeling in my husband’s head, what you don’t like about my guacamole, the actual address of the restaurant......

.......that perhaps I am missing the Bliss of the Blur.

Switch to present day.

As I go through uncertainty and primarily TRANSITIONS about my business and my service and my finances and my health, blah, blah, blah (what we all go through as we recognize our illusion of control)....

......this is really effing helpful.

Can you honor the transitions instead of wanting them to be over?

Can you appreciate the time between the goals and milestones and wins?

Can you take a full MINUTE to get from Plank to DownDog instead of 3 seconds?

____________________

I help humans in transition get Brave, Bloom as a Wildflower and Broadcast their Brand.

And navigate uncertainty.

Sign up for my magic here.

Meow.

#blurr #bravery #transition #horriblehallway #youarebrave