Uncertainty

This is my first Linkedin article. I am sorry if it is inconsistent and lacks the appropriate writing style or flows like it should (I can tell a story, writing it not so much...but I am learning).

I am currently sitting down drinking a cup of tea wondering where the road may lead me. I am scared, jobless, but excited to know that wherever I land it is where I am supposed to be. Still the feeling of uncertainty leads me to practice meditation more than usual lately. Two weeks ago, I left my first out of college job without having a job in place. Oh yea typical millennial you may think, but in reality I felt stuck and exhausted from my two hour commute (35 miles in LA traffic, if you haven’t experienced it yet, let me tell you it’s gruesome). I wanted to write this post for a long time but today I felt inspired to finally do so. I was sitting down with my parents watching the film Real Woman Have Curves, a movie about a young Latina teenager with an overbearing mother who gives her the "Latino Guilt Trip" (the feeling of guilt you receive from some first generation Latino parents when they make you feel bad about a decision, for example: going to college, pursuing a certain career, making a certain life choice, most usually it is about pursing something that they do not approve of because that is not the way they did things). The mother in the movie overly exaggerates her concern for her daughter wanting to leave out of state for college, even to go as far as faking a pregnancy so that her daughter would not leave her. The "Latino Guilt Trip" is something I see way too often and have experienced myself. If you aren't familiar with it please read this. I now would like to share with you, my story into development, why I love what I do, and why I will be one of the best fundraisers in the Philanthropic community.

I grew up in a household, raised by generations of strong Latina Woman. In my home lived my great grandmother, my grandmother, two aunts, 3 cousins, my mother and I. My father lived across the street from us, until I reached age 6 when we moved into our first family house (Mom, Dad, myself, and later my little brother). My father does not hold a high school diploma and has a blue-collar job, and for a long period of time was raising a family of 3 and then 4 with very little. My mom has always been a stay-at-home mom, and by gosh darn it the best stay at home mom I could have ever asked for. Growing up I got good grades, was involved in honor societies, volunteered, the whole enchilada. Though I was always provided for and always given what I needed thanks to the sacrifices of my family and generous support of others (through philanthropy). I dreamed of going to college to become a doctor, I dreamed of having the only college-educated career that I knew of other than teacher and a lawyer that would be my way out.

My college years were both tough and amazing. I knew I wanted to go college and be first in my immediate family to do so. Applying to college was a challenge. I did not have support at home because in reality I did not have parents who knew what they were doing. I knew I wanted to go to college and did not want to drown in student loans. As a first generation college student, this was probably something unavoidable. When I received my acceptance letters, I was ecstatic but saddened at the fact that though I was admitted into amazing universities, I did not have enough money to attend these great universities. I was set to enroll in community college and planned to transfer to a bigger UC, a choice that financially was my only option at the time. A month before I graduated high school my counselor told me about Marymount California University, at the time a two year private school that she said would allow me to get the classes I needed without being on a waiting list and be able to transfer in time. I applied to and enrolled at Marymount California University a month before I graduated high school, with an almost full ride. My freshman year and part of my sophomore year were extremely tough. I was balancing school, cultural differences, family problems, and finances. I, unlike some of my more affluent classmates did not have the funds for paid tutoring or monthly stipends my parents gave me. I lived with family members and had to commute to school. I received 20 dollars a week from my Abuelita and took out loans for living and school expenses. My sophomore year of school I was juggling pre-med courses and working 30 hours a week at a local fast food restaurant. The first semester of my sophomore year was probably the most intense semester of my college career. I had never failed a class in my life and there I was failing 2 classes at once. I did not have time to dedicate to my studies like I wanted. Pre-med courses are work in itself. I ended up not feeling well due to the amount of stress and family expectations I had. I remember once approaching my parents about what I was experiencing. It turned into a conversation to somewhat of a fight. I did not understand why they couldn’t help me more financially. My father finally yelled at me and said, “Melanie if you’re going to cry and complain why don’t you just quit school and start working!” (That is what he did in high school) That’s when it clicked, I was grateful for all that my family provided for me and it was not what they could do to help me, it came to what I could do to help myself. I did not quit school, but I did quit my fast food job. I ended up using the FREE University resources that at first I did not have the courage to utilize. I took advantage of the free tutoring in our learning center, spent hours doing homework in the advising and career services office and made friends with one of the peer advisors. Through my friend, I was able to get my first on campus job in the school Development Department. Working on campus was a blessing. I was able to continue working part time while allowing me time to study more efficiently. Working in Development was my first taste of the career I was soon to become beyond passionate about. I was a student caller. If your first job in development started out similarly as mine I wouldn’t be surprised. I had first hand experience at the work that made my education possible. I was able to see the development officers doing everything possible to provide scholarships and these free resources to students like me. Apart from calling alumni and parents, I hand wrote thank you notes to some of the donors that provided me and other students with scholarships. I shared an office with our data analyst Eddie. At the end of the semester, Eddie told me that when I first started calling I was timid and nervous and that by the end of the semester I really became confident on the phone. His comment made me feel very good, like I had accomplished something huge. The semester ended and summer started. When I returned the following fall I did not continue my work in development, this time I became a peer advisor like my friend who helped me get my first job. Working in advising services was my 2nd on campus job. I would see students walk in and out of the office, and saw my amazing supervisors sit with them and create education plans. I saw students walk out with forms about internships and careers, but what really caught my eye were the study abroad programs that my school offered. I knew I wanted to study abroad but never knew how. As a junior, I knew it would be more difficult especially given the type of course work I was taking and knew that I wanted to graduate on time. Most students studied their sophomore year while taking general education requirements. I had completed mine and now needed to complete upper division psychology courses. I talked to one of my supervisors about the possibility of studying abroad while still completing my classes; luckily the University just approved a new program with the University of Nicosia in Cyprus. I was the first to pilot the program and it was the only program that I could attend and complete the upper division requirements I needed. Not only was it the only program that allowed me to complete my classes, all of my financial aid and scholarships covered the cost of the program. It was destiny. Preparing for Cyprus was both exciting and nerve wrecking. It was my first time away from home, and at age 20 my first time on an airplane. My first month in the program was also excruciating. I cried almost every day, I thought to myself “Melanie what the heck did you get yourself into!” I wanted to go home badly. I was experiencing culture shock, was having trouble adjusting to my living accommodations, getting used to the language, it was intense. After a month I found my group, my soul sisters, my travel clique, a group of girls that made every tear that first month worth it. While abroad I was able to do some independent travel. I visited a friend from church that was studying in Spain; I visited a fellow MCU classmate in Florence, Italy. I was stranded in Milan because I missed my flight back to Cyprus. I even got to ride a camel in front of the Great Pyramids in Egypt. That trip changed my life.

Tangent: Although I grew up in a household of amazing strong women. I was often not supported in my choices for traveling or doing things on my own. As a woman, I was seen as weak and fragile in my father’s eyes. Even today I still experience tremendous amounts of disapproval or lack of emotional support from my family in the choices I make; like quitting my job without having a job to fall back on. It’s just something that shouldn’t be done or I am seen as crazy for doing.

Back to the story: I returned from my trip to experience what is called reverse culture shock. I had to get used to living life again, my real life, my home life. I think experiencing reverse culture shock was by far more intense than my first month in Cyprus. I missed my friends dearly and all of the adventures I had. I started my senior year bittersweet. When I came back to school I had all the intentions of still pursuing my health care career, but as a nurse midwife. I applied to graduate schools in master entry nursing. My plan was to become a nurse midwife and deliver babies in third world countries. I wanted to provide excellent health care to people who needed it the most and use my Spanish speaking abilities to assist me with that. I applied to graduate school, teaching English in Spain, and a few other service and volunteer programs as back ups. My second semester of senior year was starting and I was eagerly awaiting my letters of acceptances from the programs I had applied to. I was completing my senior thesis on the importance of maternal education, trying to survive my Physiology class, and going through a break up. It was an emotional roller coaster once again. Half way through the semester I received my letters. I was denied from every single program I applied to, I was denied from my teaching assistantship, I was even denied from helping inner city youth as part of a volunteer program. I did not understand, I thought I worked extremely hard in school, I had a good GPA, I held multiple student leader positions, why was I being denied from all of these programs? I graduated college feeling much like I do this very moment, feeling uncertainty about where I was heading to or what was my next move. I graduated with honors and even was the recipient of the school service award, given to the graduating senior who embodied the Marymount mission the best. I walked off the stage diploma in hand, walking into the sea of uncertainty yet again. Summer of 2015 started off okay. I found a job as a caregiver for an elderly woman through an agency at my health clinic and enrolled in an accelerated EMT course. I was studying for my GRE and motivated to apply to graduate school again. My plan was to work, pay of my very minimal student loans, and reapply to school. Working as a caregiver, though rewarding, was not enough to get me by, I needed a full time job. I failed EMT school when I could not intubate a dummy and no longer had a plan as to what my next career step was. I heard through my University that my previous Director of Development was in a new role and looking for an assistant. That’s when I connected with her and applied for the development department at the Gary Sinise Foundation. I went through the interview process, and started my 2nd Development position and first out of college full time job. I was a big girl now, at least in my parent’s eyes. My plan was to work for a year and reapply to graduate school just like I intended. Well, I reapplied and would you happen to know it, I was denied yet again, this time with a more optimistic view to my life’s purpose. I secretly fell in love with development. I remember going to work one day saddened when I received my last rejection letter from a University. My boss knew something was wrong and she took me to lunch to talk. I told her everything; she became my confidant and mentor. Then she said something that really put the situation into perspective for me. She said, “Melanie, don’t you see you aren’t supposed to be nurse, you’re a fundraiser, I see it in you. I see the way you talk to donors on the phone, you have a gift, you are a fundraiser. Let me help you.” She did, my boss Dr. Brenda Solomon took me under her wing and really showed me the ropes of fundraising. (Brenda if you’re reading this, thank you, always). I took on multiple projects and dove into being active with my local AFP group. Through AFP I was able to network with amazing like-minded, world changing individuals and now some of my closest friends and mentors. Aside from AFP, I took the initiative to reach out to Fundraisers in the Los Angeles area here on Linkedin. I searched the word CFRE in the search bar above and sent out about 30 messages. Out of 30 messages I received 3 responses and now those who sent me back messages became my mentors and friends too. I became proactive with my new passion and the more I talked to these individuals the more I knew I was made to do this line of work.

Almost two years later I craved more, I craved to grow as a professional, I craved to work for an organization whose mission aligned with my passions. I am so grateful to the Gary Sinise Foundation for allowing me to find my niche, but I knew I needed to leave for me. I also have wanted to live outside of Los Angeles for the last 4 years. So with that I end my story. I am writing my new chapter. It’s called chapter 24, no there isn’t anything written in it yet because I really have no clue where I am going. But I can tell you this. I have received A LOT of rejection throughout my life but it is not truley rejection, it is redirection. Much like in fundraising, you get many “No’s”, but that one “Yes” you receive after countless “No’s”, that makes it all worth it. I had no idea fundraising was a job and how now my mission is to continue to learn and grow and become one of the best fundraising professionals you will hear about. I hope to write books and speak at conferences. I hope to mentor the next generation of Philanthropic professionals, especially folks like myself. I notice that there aren’t many Latino’s in fundraising. I aim to change that. I think it might have to do with culture and pride. We are taught not to ask for help, to do things on our own, that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. How funny that I ended up in career that is all about asking for help. A mentor of mine told me you aren’t really asking for a gift you are listening into a gift (Thank you Joe). I hope to listen into many gifts throughout my career and wherever my next position lands I know it will be the position redirected to me, my “Yes” after my series of “No’s” Thank you for reading my story and thank you to all the people who are part of my story.

This is something I wanted to share with many first generation college students:

1.     Expect the unexpected (“Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you’re going to get”).

2.     Ask for help (Yes, it is okay to ask for help, you are not a weak person for doing so).

3.     Network! Network! Network. (If you don’t know how, message me I will teach you).

4.      A college degree doesn’t make you successful, it’s about what you do with it.

5.      Don’t worry about your major (My diploma says Bachelors in Liberal Arts, not Business, not Science, yes I am Liberal Arts graduate and proud).

6.     It’s about your skills, your work ethic, what you can bring to the table, and having a network helps.

7.     When you have the courage to say no to all that makes you unhappy you have room to let yourself receive all of the great things the Universe has to offer.

8.      Yes, it’s going to be hard, especially when we have hurdles to jump through that other folks might not, but you will get through this. You are resilient. 

9.      Share your story, we all have a story, it is story that makes you and when we are vulnerable enough to share it and reread it (I just reread mine, you will know that at the end of the day it all works out).

10.  Say thank you and mean it. Say thank you out loud, write things down you have to be grateful for, and say thank you for things you want, act as if and so shall be.

With love and gratitude,

Melanie