Last Night, I Couldn't Sleep

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I walked out the back door and looked to the heavens.

Listening to the radio, I heard that in the world, we have one birth every 8 seconds. One death happens every 10 seconds. We gain a net of a new person every 17 seconds.

Maybe you knew this. But, you are one of slightly over 8 billion people on Earth, and it continues to grow exponentially.

In St. Paul, the weather in my world has no snow as of yet, and a full moon was in the sky.

I laid down on my deck just before midnight and watched this natural satellite of earth move at full speed through broken clouds. It was luminous and powerful in the light it gave off.

As I fixated on the orb through a cool November 15th breeze, soon to turn to the 16th, I realized that the moon was not moving at all. It was the clouds that were moving and what I thought was happening, upon another look was that my perspective had changed, or maybe I was seeing what I wanted to see.

I have spent a considerable amount of time changing my perspective in incremental ways. It takes time, and some things may never alter.

For the past two weeks I have listened to people. I have taken a couple of people to breakfast who are in a bad or uncertain place. Another meeting was to celebrate the joy of an incredible human.

I have also tried to be there for my wife whose knee replacement has been a challenge. I do my best. We laugh, we support, and we manage.

I also had a good discussion with a young woman who said what’s most important to her at the moment is having money to do what she wants to do. I nodded in understanding, having been there and then telling her compelling stories of when I had very little, how I survived, and that she would too.

I talked to a student who was feeling very low and assured them specifically of what they do well and how they might improve their situation.

In this epoch, I spent time with my own grandsons in a part-time babysitting role and relished in the fact that they are two very different personalities at the moment. I enjoyed both fully, laughing and smiling in exhaustion - at the joy of life as they both moved in their own cadence and discovery of the world.

I attended a benefit which honored those lost early in life and contributing to a very worthy cause - being in company with one of my daughters, and wanting to be with my other daughter, too – loving and being proud of both - for who they are.

Yesterday, driving to work, one of my neighbors had a brake light out, and even though I was in my own mindset of preparing for the day in question, I felt compelled to let them know that the rear passenger light needed to be replaced. I rolled down the window. They rolled down theirs and after the exchange I headed to do what I do at Saint Mary’s.

In these two weeks, I had many interactions with students, teachers, directors and deans trying to figure out how best to serve our people without compromising their educations and still trying to provide value for their dollar.

I even had a chance meeting with those in positions of national security and shared concerns.

I witnessed a few people celebrate the last election, and others who lamented that they lost.

One person stated and questioned, “We lost some of the inherent good we have as a nation, and can we ever recover?”

Another said, “I feel so inconsequential.”

At the end of my day, I was pulling in the recycle bin and trash can. A neighbor wanted to discuss their health - of all things - as I pushed one of the carts back to the place where it belonged.

They discussed that they were worried about an upcoming family gathering, their heart had been racing, palpitating at an uncomfortable pace, and they were unsure of whether to go, proceeding to let me know where the key to their house is - should something happen. I promised them I would not enter their house, unless there are good snacks in there.

I listened, tried to give some assurance, putting the other bin back in its place, and then saw my dog, Jake look up at me wondering when I would feed him his dinner. He has that look. In this case, I read his facial cues right. He seemed satisfied with what was provided.

The dog then proceeded to whine to sit on my shoulders. Some dogs want to sit on your lap. This dog additionally wanted to look out the window and see the sights in the neighborhood, because as you can tell, much goes on.

Through time, I have learned that often we are so concerned in how a decision, or an act affects us directly, that we lose sight of the life in our midst.

In the end, how much money you have, how much prestige you acquire, whether you are a winner or not, or that you were right and the other person was wrong – it really does not mean too much in the long term.

You can’t take any of it with you.

It is true that the memory of you and what love you gave to others will have some consequence.

Also, the summers you have left - matter. Enjoy them because they do go fast.

There are so many powerful reminders of our own humanity. If we do some good by taking our own steps forward, we can leave this planet of 8 billion plus people better than when we entered it.

That’s saying something.