To be uncertain is to be human
I was having a conversation with my friend Adrianna via text yesterday and she asked me how I was feeling. In summary, I told her, "I don't really know. I'm in a season of confusion, lots of questions, some joy and a little inspiration but overall, I really don't know."
I'm in such a new space in my life. It's like I moved on to an empty plot of land.
I'm in this season of my life where, for the first time, I don't have "goals". I'm not striving for anything external. I don't have a busy rigid schedule of things I want to accomplish each day. I don't have a morning routine. I don't know what my next gig will be. And to be honest, I don't even know what I truly want to do for "work" anymore. I don't have any documentary or video ideas and I don't have anything I want to post.
Also - I haven't drawn in a month.
I tried to share some of this truth online and was immediately met with diagnosis' and potential solutions but I'm not depressed nor do I need any solutions.
This space. This unknowing. This uncertainty is a part of life and while I used to be afraid of it, I'm not anymore.
In the beginning of this season of my life, I judged myself hard. Like, how could I not have any goals. How was I going to make a living? How was I going to spend my time?
And instead of thinking about it so much, I've decided to flow with it. I wake up, do the job I'm on, and feel the rest of my day out. I may read. I may watch a lot of YouTube. I may play The Sims. I'll make my food, I walk my dogs but I'm flowing. It's uncomfortable. I have a ton of sadness. I feel lonely so much of the time but there's nothing I can do to make myself know where I'm going or what I'm going to do next.
Nothing in my life prepared me for what it means to be human.
To feel. To be. To center myself.
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Everything that I'd learned in life (before therapy) pointed me in the direction of achievement and centering others. Even the idea of rest and self-care has become a thing to accomplish.
While there is a lot that I don't know, what I do know is that I want to know myself. I want to trust myself. I want to honor my desires. I want joy. I want art. I want community.
And I want to be a human, an artist, that tells the truth.
In my journal the other day I wrote, "How honest can my art be?"
And while I don't even know what the art I'm referring to will be, I just know I want it to be honest.
Which is why I decided to write this. The overexplainer in me wants to tell you more and fill in some of the blanks so you don't think I'm depressed or I'm not "doing anything with my life".
But this is it for now.
Cheers to the unknown.
From my newsletter.
Performance & Possibility Coach / Training and Development Strategist
3 个月Freedom to Be human. Courageous. We are human being not human doing. My most powerful revealing of myself to myself have come from allowing myself to be. Excited for who you will meet on the otherside of this ahhhhhmazing journey of self discovery. I have found tranformation is a journey and not a destination. My belief is I will never be a bake cake or done. Cheers to you.
Author /Self-awareness speaker/Content Creator/ Image Influencer/positive change advocate
4 个月Very poignant, interesting, revealing writing. You're an excellent writer ???? Applause ?? However all you are experiencing is fear of unknown. Most of us have been there. I overcame by building a relationship with God, your physical can't thrive without the fuelling of the holy spirit. It is that calms you in time of uncertainty and storm. I know, I was out of job 8 months, paying rent, credit cards, insurance bills , with savings, but in that period I was relaxed, trusting God and walked in faith. I decided it was time to finish writing the book I started. That is how Act like you already won-the mindset of successful people was published. And now a bestseller on Amazon! In order words, it's OK not to be sure, just trust God, and it will all work out. Listen, Trust and be Obedient to the spirit. Best wishes. ??
Producer, DP, Editor
6 个月I resonate with this soo much! There’s power in existing in the here and now rather than constantly looking for the next box to check. Keep being the amazing, gifted, and intentional person you are! ??