The Unbreakables: why some people bounce back from adversity better than others

Image credit: Karin Palm ? Intuition Expert , onealchemist.com

Life challenges can knock us down, but some people bounce back stronger than ever.

How do they do it?

In this article, we'll explore the secrets of resilience and share practical tips to help you become unbreakable, along with samples from the world's elite.

Join us as we uncover the keys of bouncing back like a pro.

?

Research

There have been numerous significant studies conducted on the topic of resilience. In this article, we will focus on The Resilience Project, led by Dr. Ann Masten, which commenced in 2002 and is an ongoing study aimed at identifying factors that promote resilience.

One of the key findings of the Resilience Project is that resilience is not a fixed trait, but rather a dynamic process that can be cultivated and strengthened over time.

Main findings:

• Social support: supportive friends and family creates sense of belonging and connection
• Positive emotions and wellbeing: resilient individuals often experience positive emotions like happiness, gratitude and optimism even in the most difficult situations.
• Adaptive coping strategies: taking action in adversity and practicing self-care like exercising, mindfulness, problem-solving etc.
• Self-regulation: ability to control emotions.
• Meaning and purpose: they're able to find a calling despite the challenges, i.e community involvement, through work, spiritual or religious practices.

?

Examples of Outliers

David Goggins, widely regarded as the world's toughest man, completed his first ever 100-mile race with no prior long distance running training. Despite suffering from kidney failure and broken bones in his feet by mile 70, he persisted and finished the race, determined to achieve the goal he had set for himself. "I was, to me, on the brink of death," he later said of the experience.

To maintain his motivation, Goggins used visualisation techniques and self-talk, reminding himself that he was someone who doesn't give up. He visualised himself as the strongest and most determined person on the planet, while setting small reachable goals throughout the race.

?

Evy Poumpouras, former Secret Service Agent, has shares insights from her training and highlights Hormetic Effect. This functions mentally on a similar level as the vaccines work - the body is producing antibodies to fight the virus/stress. Comparably, underexposure to stress can leave our bodies underchallenged, which could lead to stress and other potential health issues. Poumpouras encourages identifying manageable stressors to introduce into our lives to build resilience. The training and knowledge helped her not to run during 9/11 (she was on 9th floor of WTC at the time), but despite her own injuries and suffering, helped hundreds to reach safety.

?

Another outlier, Michael Jordan, faced constant criticism that he was not skilled enough and lacked physical attributes and therefore would never be a competitive basketball player. Even in high school, he was not accepted into the main basketball team but only the junior team. What made him so determined to risk everything and not give up? His passion and determination to follow his dreams never faltered. Rather than fearing failure, he feared not trying. His work ethic is highly praised, with him showing up to practice 2-3 hours before anyone else. Jordan himself has stated that it is hard work, not genetics, that leads to success. Ultimately, it all comes down to one thing: practice.

Practical steps:

I have curated a list of actionable steps that have been proven effective through my own experimentation. These tips have been adapted from renowned outliers and tailored to fit my personal needs. It's important to begin with small changes to build consistency, but it still should feel uncomfortable. For instance, if your goal is to wake up earlier for better productivity, start with setting the alarm just 10 minutes earlier instead of a drastic 2-hour change, which might lead to snoozing.

The following options will be presented for those who are starting their resilience-building journey and for those who have already begun. Remember, it's not fair to compare your Chapter 1 to someone else's Chapter 20. Over time, feel free to create additional levels that challenge you when the initial changes become too easy.

Clarify your purpose, goals and values:

• Level 1: Take some time to reflect on what matters most to you in life and what you want to achieve. Write down a few broad goals or values that you would like to pursue.
• Level 2: Break down your goals into smaller, achievable tasks and create a plan to work towards them. Review your progress regularly and adjust your plan as necessary.
• Benefits: having a clear sense of direction and purpose in life can provide motivation and a sense of fulfilment. It can also help you make more informed decisions and prioritise your time and energy.
• Pro tip: Don't be afraid to seek out advice and guidance from mentors or other successful people in your field. Learning from others' experiences can help you clarify your goals and make better decisions about how to achieve them.

Regular self-care:

• Level 1: Take a leisurely stroll during sunny days, follow a short 10-minute stretching video on YouTube, or pursue a hobby with more dedication.
• Level 2: Begin meditating, get more serious about your hobbies, consistently follow an exercise plan, prioritise your nutrition, engage in a HIIT class or go for a run after a stressful event.
• Benefits: Reduced stress levels and higher resilience to unpleasant situations by regularly engaging in activities that make you happy.
• Pro tip: don't forget that self-care is not selfish! It's essential for your wellbeing to schedule it in.

Making regular physical activity a priority in the morning:

• Level 1: Start with a 20-minute before work, especially if you work from home. Or take a lap around your block.
• Level 2: Incorporate a morning run or gym workout into your routine. This helps with consistency, as there are often more distractions in the evening.
• Benefits: Improved productivity and energy levels, better concentration, and improved health.
• Pro tip: Stick with it even when you're tired, especially if it's a new routine for you. After 1-2 weeks, you'll notice the benefits and feel weird not doing it. You can also combine it with a motivational podcast or audiobook for a 2-in-1 boost.

Reducing Social Media usage:

• Level 1: Hide notifications for certain apps and resist the urge to check your phone as soon as you receive a notification.
• Level 2: Set notifications and smartwatch and phone on "silent" mode during your productive hours, uninstall apps that consume too much of your time or cause negative emotions, and deactivate unnecessary accounts.
• Benefits: Decreased stress and anxiety, improved concentration, and increased productivity.
• Pro tip: Try to allocate specific times to check social media, and stick to them. Track your usage of specific apps to find the ones that could potentially be wasting your time.

Enhancing knowledge through reading:

• Level 1: Try downloading Audible and listen to a part of a book during your morning routine (i.e. in the shower). You can also read a few pages (of a physical book or e-reader) before bedtime.
• Level 2:?Incorporate listening to Audible during your workout, while doing household chores, cooking, or any other activity of your choice! Aim to read more books in the upcoming year than in the previous year, and consider swapping Netflix for a book.
• Benefits: According to a 2019 EU Commission survey, the average number of books read by Europeans aged 16 to 74 was 8.6 books per year. In comparison, the average CEO reads 60 books per year. Reading more can set you apart from the average and improve your knowledge.
• Pro tip: I highly recommend Audible, as it allows me to multitask and "read" more books than ever before, whether it's while walking, cleaning, cooking, or sunbathing.

Upskill / Continuous Learning:

• Level 1: Learn something new that interests you.
• Level 2: Identify gaps in your knowledge or skills and focus on upskilling in those areas to enhance your career prospects or business growth. Remember, learning should be a lifelong journey.
• Benefits: Achieving proficiency in your field boosts confidence and satisfaction. Useful skills to acquire include negotiation, psychology, and neuroscience.
• Pro tip: Take advantage of free online resources, such as Massive Open Online Courses (MOOCs), to expand your knowledge and skills at your own pace.

Observe your own stress response in different situations:

• Level 1: Simply observe your reaction to stress without trying to change anything, but take the time to understand what triggers your stress.
• Level 2:?the most resilient people are those who know their weaknesses. Work on the weaknesses so hard that they become your strength!
• Benefits: building resilience by focusing on the specific factors that personally challenge you. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution!
• Pro tip: Once you know your triggers - develop coping strategies for different scenarios.

Set yourself challenges:

• Level 1: Do something that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable, every day. It can be as simple as saying "hi" to the person in the lift, or still taking the trash out in the evening, even if you feel like "I'll leave it to the morning".
• Level 2: Create a challenge for yourself that seems impossible, and push yourself to achieve it. If the challenge feels too easy, it's not big enough! Research online for ideas.
• Benefits: By consistently pushing your limits, you'll develop greater resilience to adversity. So when life throws you a curveball, you won't feel like you've been hit by a truck!
• Pro tip: Write down your challenges and track your progress. This will help you stay motivated and see how far you've come.

Helping Others / Volunteering:

• Level 1: Perform small acts of kindness, such as holding the door for someone or helping an elderly person carry their groceries.
• Level 2: Seek out volunteering opportunities that allow you to enhance your skills and mindset, teach others or improve empathy, and make it a regular commitment.
• Benefits: An increased sense of purpose and fulfilment in life, as well as a boost in overall happiness and well-being.
• Pro tip: Consider finding a cause or organisation that you are truly passionate about, as this will make your volunteer work even more rewarding.

Establish Routine:

• Level 1: Choose a few activities (for example - from above!) that you can realistically commit to and make them a daily habit.
• Level 2: Refine your routine and stay committed to it, even on days when you're feeling unmotivated or tired.
• Benefits: Promotes consistency and eliminates setbacks. By sticking to a routine, you develop the resilience and discipline necessary to overcome challenges when they arise.
• Pro tip: Don't be too hard on yourself if you miss a day or two - just get back on track and keep going.

Some final tips:

• Failure is ok! It is an essential part of the learning process. Don't wait until you feel ready or have the perfect set of skills; just start doing things, and you'll acquire the knowledge and experience along the way.
• Remember to stick to the plan, even when you feel tired or have had a challenging day. Consistency is crucial to achieving success in any area of life.

?

Conclusion

We have explored various strategies that can help you achieve excellence in your personal and professional life. From setting goals and developing a growth mindset to prioritising self-care and staying resilient in the face of challenges, there are many ways to enhance your performance and well-being. However, it's important to remember that none of these strategies are a magic bullet. If you want to reach for excellence, the only thing that matters is PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE! It doesn't come overnight, but is a gradual process that works over time and is more effective than quick fixes. Therefore, it's crucial to aim for long-term well-being and goals, as short fixes won't solve the overall picture. You also need to know what you want and be willing to put in the work to achieve it. With dedication, perseverance, and the right mindset, you can become the best version of yourself and achieve excellence in all aspects of your life.

?

APPENDIX

Reading list inspiration:

• Evy Poumpouras "Becoming Bulletproof: Life Lessons from a Secret Service Agent"
• David Goggins "Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds"
• Ollie Ollerton "Battle Ready"
• Gary Noesner "Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator"
• Chris Voss "Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It"
• Herb Cohen "You Can Negotiate Anything"
• Robert B Cialdini PhD "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion"
• "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?" by Dr Julie Smith
• "Living with a SEAL" by Jesse Itzler (but read the David Goggins book first!)

Podcast inspiration:

• The Mindset Mentor by Rob Dial and Kast Media
• The Diary of a CEO by Steven Bartlett
• Huberman Lab by Scicomm Media

#motivation #mindset #work #resilience #davidgoggins #navyseal #mentalhealth #selfcare #love #mindfulness #selflove #strength #inspiration #hope #fitness #wellbeing #meditation #healing #wellness #health #growth #leadership #coaching #gratitude #community #courage #success #life #goals #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness #london