The Unbearable Lightness of Being in My Bag

As the end of the year approaches, I’m working on some cool projects with some cool people and cannot wait to share the news of it all with y’all in the coming days, weeks, and months. In the meantime, I wanted to start my end-of-year reflections a bit early, share some context on where I’ve been and where I’m going, and express gratitude to some of the people that help me make it happen.

First, where I’ve been. After a year in Chicago as a student in the Northwestern Master of Science in Law program, and with my first #productManagement role under my belt, I moved into my second PM role at a company that I was really excited to work for. However, it was quickly apparent that there wasn’t a fit. As I made my exit from the organization, I negotiated for what I felt was a fair severance package (Perhaps, one day, I’ll write a series on what I’ve learned from each of my exits, especially about severance; those close to me know that I’ve learned a ton every time.). When that was not possible, I decided to not accept the offered severance agreement, in order to retain my rights to talk my shit on LinkedIn (and there’s plenty to talk). What I found in several drafts of this post, though, was that I don’t want to talk my shit about the same things anymore.

When I first began my career, I was frustrated with seeing the doors of opportunity open for my peers in ways that they didn’t open for me. With a bias toward action, I doubled down on “proving” myself, seeking out various training and education that would validate my place in spaces not designed to afford for me those opportunities. Eventually, I saw that this often didn’t lead to any additional doors being open for me, and just often led to greater frustration; by pursuing my professional interests I was revealing a more pervasive and insidious inequity than I’ve had to deal with, the reality that many of peers will fail upward (the Peter Principle) in a way that I am not afforded the opportunity to. Frequently, because I’m Black, and also often because of my queerness.

Admittedly, I got so lost that I didn’t realize I was more frustrated by not being able to express my frustration genuinely than I was by the actual inequities. I have spent many years fighting for equity in being mad, for a removal of tone policing and politics in the workspace (and other spaces). And while I think that it is a virtuous cause to fight for, I have now realized that I don’t even want to be mad, so it’s not worth all my frustrations and fighting.

So, where am I going? Wherever I want. To the top. To the bottom. Side to side. It doesn’t matter. But certainly not back and forth with you. Because I’m choosing me and my joy, and whoever doesn’t like it can come meet me in my TELFAR .

This last year, in particular, has been a lesson in trusting my gut, standing in my power, and not accepting the pickle juice (iykyk). And as much work as I had to do on myself to get here, I would be nowhere without the people that hold me down. A few to call out:

Morganna Becker : I so appreciate you looking out for potential opportunities for me! The world needs more friends and colleagues like you that keep a mental rolodex of all the people in their network and the skills and talents they possess, just in case they’ve forgotten it themselves.

Claire Wiebe : Thanks for treating my texts about SQL query structures as urgently as you treat the ones about the Don’t Worry Darling drama. To BeReal, I’m a big fan of people that can walk and chew gum, and you’re no exception!

Shonda Williams : I’m so grateful we met. You’ve been looking out for me since day one and I always know if I have a vision to execute or problem to solve that you will give me honest advice that can make me rethink the situation. Just like Jay Z! *Beyoncé giggle*

Speaking of Beyoncé, I’m taking a note from her book, and deleting the sample from the record. I’ve realized that, at this stage in my career, a relationship to me is more valuable to an organization than my relationship to them is to me. And I’m going to take advantage of that privilege because I’ve earned it ten times over. If I’ve not gotten value, why would I add any? I’m a business, man.

So, you won’t find any references to my last organization on my page and I won’t be creating new posts about them because my sponsorship ain’t free.

Be fucking for real,

Malcolm