Unapologetically a Crier: Rewriting the Narrative on Emotions in Leadership

So, I had a little cry on Friday. I've always been someone who expresses emotions easily. For me, emotions are like a cup that sometimes overflows when I’m experiencing something intense. When that happens, I take a breath - like taking a sip - and the cup steadies again.

A few years ago, I met up with an ex-boss from my days at Bank of America Merrill Lynch who has since become a friend. We’d both moved on to other roles and companies, but he reminded me of a moment we’ll never forget. He told me one of the most confusing moments in that role was when he had to inform me that I didn’t get the promotion that he had put me forward for. I welled up as I expressed how deeply disappointed I was. He admitted that he felt awkward and didn’t know how to handle it as my manager at the time.

But here’s the thing - I’ve come to own those moments. Now, when I feel myself welling up, whether in a meeting or a personal conversation, I tell people, "I’m okay. I don’t need rescuing." Crying, for me, is not a sign of weakness or a loss of control; it’s a simple release of overfilled emotions.

The Neuroscience Behind Crying: Why Trying to Hold It Back Makes It Worse

Interestingly, when we focus on trying not to cry, it triggers something unexpected in our brains. Neuroscience shows that suppressing emotions, like holding back tears, activates our brain’s fight-or-flight response. The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing fear and danger, interprets the act of suppression as a threat. It essentially signals, “Something’s wrong!” As a result, your body ramps up its stress response, making your heart race, your muscles tense, and your mind hyper-focused on controlling the emotion.

So, when you’re trying to stop yourself from crying, you're not just holding back tears - you’re also reinforcing the idea that crying is something dangerous.

The more we try to suppress our natural emotional responses, the more our brains react as though we’re in danger. This actually makes it harder to calm down and move on.

Instead, allowing the emotion to flow and acknowledging it can help your brain recognise that you’re safe. The stress response diminishes, and you’re able to regain clarity much faster. It’s like taking that sip from the overfilled cup, releasing just enough to keep it steady.

Owning My Tears and Embracing the Moment

My daughters tease me about it sometimes. They joke that I cry at adverts - have you seen the John Lewis & Partners Christmas ones? Or the film Wonder, that follows the inspiring story of the Pullman family, whose youngest child, Auggie, is a boy born with facial differences? My girls have even identified the points where they know I’ll tear up and at those points, they nudge closer for cuddles and I hear them say, "Watch mummy go!" And you know what? I love that they see me this way.

I sometimes share or hear about painful experiences in our Safe Space Conversations and they can make me well up. I often let people know that I’m a crier and they don’t need to rescue me - all I need is a moment if I get emotional. If it feels uncomfortable for you, I gently invite you to reflect on what that might bring up.

Perhaps it's a need to help, a judgment around vulnerability, or even something you might need to allow yourself to feel more often. Crying is part of our shared humanity - it’s not about falling apart, but about releasing, breathing, and moving forward with lightness.

The Power of Inclusive Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

In leadership, especially inclusive leadership, it’s essential to create environments where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued for their authentic selves - including their emotional selves. When we allow space for emotions like disappointment, vulnerability, and even joy to be expressed without judgment, we foster true belonging.

As a leader, embracing emotions - whether your own or someone else’s - doesn’t mean losing control; it means acknowledging the full spectrum of human experience. This is the foundation of inclusive leadership. By validating emotions instead of suppressing or avoiding them, we model emotional intelligence and help others feel safe in expressing their own feelings.

In my leadership and team coaching, this topic comes up frequently. I love holding space for people to feel their emotions without judgment. When leaders understand that crying, or expressing any emotion, isn’t about weakness but rather about connection and self-awareness, they unlock a deeper level of trust within their teams.

So, What If You Let Yourself Feel More?

Here’s my question:

What would change for you if you allowed yourself to feel more, to let emotions flow without fear of judgment? What if we all trusted that feeling deeply doesn’t diminish our strength but enhances it?

Inclusive leadership isn’t just about diversity of thought - it’s about creating environments where emotions are welcomed as part of our shared humanity. As leaders, let’s create more spaces where we can be fully human, because that’s where true connection - and true leadership - thrives.