Un-hate Yourself!

From time to time, we all have spells of self-loathing and disappointment, but if it goes on for long and in excess, it could turn into self-hatred. All of us have our own journeys with loneliness, trauma, stress and self-discontent, and that is absolutely human. We all have loved ones we’ve hurt, dreams we could not live up to, things we wish we hadn’t done, and friends who are ‘better’ than us; but it’s high time we normalize mistakes and imperfections, and understand how all of this is part and parcel of life and growth. 

“I hate myself” is sadly a common critical inner voice that people of all ages struggle with. Research has shown that such thoughts may stem from early life experiences, negative life events, low self-esteem, dysfunctional relationships, etc. When we see the world through a negative lens, we tend to internalize and look at ourselves the same way. We all have an innate critical voice reminding us of all things bad about us. We may acclimate to it by treating it like a coach and listening to its negative opinions, thus letting it affect our day-to-day lives and activities. When it repeatedly tells us we are worthless, we may choose friends and partners who treat us as if we are worthless. If it tells us we are stupid, we may lack confidence and make mistakes we wouldn’t make otherwise. If it tells us we aren’t attractive enough, we may resist putting ourselves out there and seeking a romantic relationship.

Having said that, many people across the world go through severe levels of self-hatred and self-loathing, and find it almost impossible to come out of the trap. A lot of us are really are our own worst enemies but we must also realize that we’re also our only saviors.

Below are a few steps we can all take to embark on the journeys of self-love:

·       Identify your triggers

Know what event/person/situation sparks your internal issues of self-loathing. To begin to deal with something, the first step is to understand why it occurs in the first place.

·       Get rid of your irrational ideas of ‘perfection’

Many times, people find themselves trapped in self-hatred because they find it difficult to come out of this fantasy-world or delusions of everything being perfect – The perfect partner, the perfect job, the perfect body. It is important for us to let go of these notions and start to accept ourselves for exactly how we are. 

·       Practice daily affirmations

Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror (no matter how weird that feels) and tell yourself all the positive things about yourself and your life. Saying to yourself things like “I am beautiful” or “I will do well on my examination” or “I can do this job well” can do wonders and make you feel a lot better. 

·       Talk it out

The more you keep these negative thoughts to yourself, the more you let them bottle up towards damage. Talk to your friends and family, tell them how you feel about yourself. More often than not, just talking to a loved one about self-loathing makes us realize the illogicality of it and helps us get rid of these thoughts. 

·       Forgive yourself 

As difficult as it may seem to ‘forgive and forget’, you can always at least try to introspect on how and why you’ve wronged, take responsibility, make amends, accept changes, and try indulge in self-compassion. Remember, we all make blunders, we all have flaws, and that’s completely alright! We all still deserve love, and especially from ourselves. 

·       Accept failures

Successes and failures are a part of life and the earlier we normalise failure, the more we are empathetic towards ourselves and the happier we’d be with ourselves. 

·       Rethink your unhealthy relationships

As hard as it seems to give up on your loved ones, you must realize that no person has the right to make you feel unworthy and if you have someone in your life who doesn’t accept you for YOU, then maybe it’s time to reconsider how much you want to invest yourself in them.

·       Challenge your negative thoughts

Self-hatred is mostly the result of pessimistic thoughts about oneself, so the next time you find yourself saying “I’m not worth it” or “I always look ugly” or “I will fail at this”, take a step back and ask yourself ‘why’ you think so and whether it even has any truth or rationality to it. 

·       Seek professional help

At times, where you feel your hatred towards yourself is going out of hand, find a therapist. Remember: There is no shame in asking for help. You deserve to be happy; so don’t let a bunch of self-deprecating thoughts bring you down!

You are special. You are loved. As huge a deal as therapy seems and sounds, take the leap towards self-love and betterment.