The Ultimate Loyalty Program: Perks, Privilege, and a Lifetime of Oppression

If you think frequent flyer miles are the ultimate loyalty program, think again. There's a far more exclusive club—whiteness—and its rewards system blows airline miles out of the water. Forget about free coffee or extra legroom; this program offers an all-inclusive lifetime package of privilege, protection, and participation in the ongoing plunder of people of color. The catch? You don't even have to sign up—just be born into it.

Welcome to the Platinum Tier of Whiteness!

Did someone say perks? With whiteness, you get to reap the rewards without even realizing you’re a member! Want access to better schools, safer neighborhoods, and higher-paying jobs? Boom. Instant access. Even the fine print is designed in your favor. Best part? You can pretend none of it exists while continuing to collect benefits. This program is so good that it allows you to claim, "I worked hard for everything I have," while the system quietly does the heavy lifting.

Perks of the Program

But what are the perks, you ask? Oh, the list is long and distinguished:

1. Free Pass on "Accidental" Racism - Whether it's clutching your purse when a Black person walks by or casually referring to someone as "articulate," whiteness guarantees you a pass for every microaggression you didn’t know was a problem (and maybe still don’t). The best part? You get to call anyone who challenges you "too sensitive" without penalty. Nice, right?

2. Lifetime Access to Denial - This loyalty program gives you the luxury of denying racism's existence, even when it's staring you dead in the face. Police brutality? A bad apple. Wage gaps? Just the market doing its thing. Systemic inequity? Stop bringing up the past! And if someone challenges you, just whip out your "colorblind" card from your whiteness wallet and keep it moving.

3. The "Default Human" Status - Whiteness allows you to be the standard—whether it’s beauty norms, intelligence metrics, or leadership qualities, you are the default, baby. Just think of the loyalty points you rack up every time a textbook says “explorers” instead of “colonizers” or when band-aids match your skin tone without anyone having to ask. Talk about personalized rewards!

4. Dignity Theft: An Added Bonus - For people of color and those who stand with them? Well, the loyalty program has a different set of rules. It systematically excludes them, robs them of their dignity, and reminds them daily of the barriers they face. Access denied, but thanks for trying. This is the rewards program where the house always wins—and you’re the house.

5. Points for Policing Other White People - Tired of hearing the term "woke"? Fear not—your membership comes with a built-in feature that rewards you for policing other white folks who step out of line. Call them "social justice warriors," "virtue signalers," or just "annoying." Every time you discourage one of your own from holding white supremacy accountable, you collect extra points. Maybe even a free latte!

Limited Access for Non-Participants

For those who aren't enrolled (read: people of color or those who try to dismantle the system), it’s not so much a loyalty program as it is a looting scheme. The system plunders their history, wealth, and opportunities while making sure they always come up short. This isn't just a matter of exclusion—it's an active robbery of dignity, contributions, and humanity, all while keeping whiteness participants happily in the green.

Canceling Your Membership? Good Luck.

Here's the kicker—this program isn’t easy to cancel. You can’t just opt-out of white privilege because you’ve read White Fragility or because you post a Martin Luther King Jr. quote on MLK Day. The system is rigged to ensure loyalty, even if you're trying to get off the ride. Sure, you can be an ally, but you still benefit from the perks in ways you might not even realize. Canceling this membership means a lifetime of unlearning, accountability, and discomfort—way worse than a gym membership with a $500 cancellation fee.

Final Thoughts: The Problem with Freebies

Whiteness is the ultimate loyalty program—it doesn’t just offer perks; it gives you a whole worldview. But remember, when you don’t check your membership status, you’re paying for those perks with someone else’s dignity. The trick is understanding that even if you didn’t ask to join, you’re still benefiting—and the rewards keep coming as long as you stay quiet about the cost.

So, before you bask in the benefits of your unearned rewards, ask yourself: Is the system really worth the points when it’s built on plunder? Because unlike those travel miles, you don’t get to enjoy these rewards guilt-free.