The Ultimate Give Back: Why Your Experiences Matter More Than You Think

My daughter recently asked me about our family history, specifically regarding mental illness. As I considered her question, I realized that I had never asked my own mother the same thing. I even tried to think of whether or not I had included that information on a health history form. Just last week I completed forms for a new medical provider and had just listed the health diagnoses including cause of death for my own parents. But I don’t remember seeing questions about their mental health.?

?

I could easily inform my daughter and my new doctor about health conditions, but I had very little knowledge of any mental health conditions or diagnoses that might have existed in our family and didn’t know where to find the information. Still, I shared what I did know—most notably, that my father had struggled with alcoholism. As I shared his struggles, I often wondered if it was a result of serving in World War II and being injured or if it was a result of being a direct descendant of my grandfather who lived through the 1921 Tulsa race massacre. ?

?

In explaining to her my father’s struggle with alcoholism I shared how his challenges influenced some of my life decisions and behaviors. The knowledge of his challenges was a major factor in the decision I made to major in psychology during my undergraduate studies and the pursuit of a master’s degree in biological psychology. Knowing that daughters of alcoholic fathers were at a high risk for developing alcoholism themselves, and being at risk for anxiety and depression, I wanted answers for my own life. It is the very reason why the research for my master’s thesis explored the neuropsychological effects of having a positive family of alcoholism.? Her simple yet not so simple question led to a long discussion around family history and its impact on my life and decisions.

When my brother passed away last year at the age of 75, my son became particularly interested in our family history. ?During the weekend of the funeral,? I realized my son had more questions than I did answers. Thankfully, my Uncle David had taken the time to write and publish a book detailing our maternal family history, tracing the lineage of my grandparents on both sides all the way up to my generation. I had a copy of the book my uncle had written but realized my son did not.

The following weeks after the funeral he spent a lot of time reading what was his family history too. Reading the book helped my son understand me better—including my decision to attend a Historically Black College and University (HBCU) and why I strongly encouraged my children to do the same. When he learned that my greats aunts attending Howard University in the early 1900’s and pledged Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, he understood why I am a member of such a prestigious organization. He also learned more about how my own parents had met at an HBCU.

He also realized our connection to Martin Luther King, Jr. in that my Uncle attended Boston University with Dr. King. It also made sense who I was so proud of being a Congressional intern back in the 80’s when individuals in Congress fought hard to vote King’s birthday as a national holiday. By the way I was in the congressional setting when Stevie Wonder sang his version of Happy Birthday in honor of Dr. King. I will always be grateful to my Uncle David for documenting our family’s history. His work made a lasting impact, allowing our future generations to connect the dots in their own lives.

Last year, for my birthday, my daughter gave me a book that required some deep reflection. The title? My Mother’s Life: Mom, I Want to Know Everything About You. She told me that while I had been present for her entire life, she had not been present for mine. Her request was simple: she wanted to understand me on a deeper level. Inside the book, she had written, “Honest answers only, Mom.”

?

As I flipped through the pages, I quickly realized the challenge ahead. One question in particular caught my attention: Describe something you’ve done that was really reckless. Hmm… I hadn’t expected that one! But the more I looked through the book, the more I understood how these questions could help me reflect on my own journey and, in turn, provide my daughter with valuable insight into her own life.

?

As I have been writing in the book I have learned valuable lessons about myself. For instance, I have learned how resilience shaped my choices, or how understanding my family's struggles gave me the motivation to pursue psychology—and the lessons my daughter will gain from reading them. As Alex Haley once said, "In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future." This is the ultimate give back.

?

As you think about your own life, what questions can you answer about your life or your experiences that could make a difference in someone else’s life? ?Whether you are writing about your family history, your personal or professional journey, consider writing down your thoughts or sharing them with someone you trust. What parts of your journey deserve to be documented, shared, and passed down?

?

Just as I have discovered the power of sharing my family history and personal experiences with my children, I want you to know that your story matters too. The lessons you’ve learned and the wisdom you’ve gained could be exactly what someone else needs to connect the dots in their own life.

?

Take a moment today to reflect on your journey. Have these things happened in your life that you might be led to share your story with someone who needs it? If so, think about the most effective way to share your experiences. You could start with a journal, like the one my daughter gave me—beautiful, meaningful, and 203 pages long. But let me be honest: even as a writer, completing it will take me a while. Right now, I’m averaging two pages a week, meaning it’ll take me two years to fill! That’s the same amount of time it took me to write my 200 plus page bestsellers.

But what if you could capture a powerful part of your story and complete it in just 15 days? Imagine the impact you could make—without waiting years to finish. If that excites you, I invite you to join my QuickStart eBook Creation Course. In just 15 days, you’ll go from an idea to a finished, shareable story that can inspire and empower others. You can start anytime and the course is available 24/7.

Ready to start? Join the QuickStart eBook Creation Course today!

Blessings,

Dr. Janice R. Love