Is UGALI the MATTER?

 Here, today, I feel like talking ugali. A product, or a “broduct” of the corn, as a I chef I know would say it. Some humans just replace letters in words. Like that chef. His ‘p’ is ‘b’ and his ‘b’ is ‘p’. Another I know of, replaces the ‘L’ in ugali with ‘r’, making it sound like an ancestral alien dessert. Dear lord! Please help names and words. Or please help nouns and adjectives, stick to their authentic meanings. Now listen here, anything that has mass and occupies weight, is matter – {Tr. Peter taught me this.} Here, Ugali is my matter. Its my compound matter. Allow me to educate you just a little bit of the science I know.-I said ‘my compound matter’ since the word ‘compound’ means has two or more elements. Ugali has water and flour. See what I did there? Hehe! I just taught you science of life, you didn’t know. Some typical Africans add salt. Yeah! You can wonder in silence why. But for the sake of a mzungu who happens to read this, and thinks of adding salt for a perfect ugali recipe, we native Kenyans know of two compounds. So Mzungu, use two for Ugali. Flour and water.

 Anytime I happen to sight empty covers of pembe, hostess, ndovu or soko flour, I get happy and think its my birthday. Btw, thank you Wizkid for the song ‘Soco’. At least it matches a flour brand of Ugali in Kenya. If I was a Dj, I would have written here “ Shout out Soko people in the building!” But since am not, lets continue with this journey of Ugali, -my matter. And my obsession with this chewy palatable matter began like 127 days ago, at exactly 12.20 noon. When the shadow of a fruit like an apple, lied straightly North.

This day, a sunny Wednesday, birds weren’t chirping. It was hot. I think they feared that the hotness would possibly desiccate their liquids out of them. Blood being the main one. They feared to chirp. Because chirping involves energy, and biological energy, needs food and water. They never wanted to misuse their energy. So they kept quiet. I too, did. I was hungry.

Since we had planned a casual meeting with Calvin, and he’s rich, all I needed to do was avail my greed. Yeah being a chef, you crave days to have your meal in a sitting. Because in the kitchen, people feed their bodies like scared Praying mantis hiking pyramids. On the move! And jumpy. And some crawling. And some, well, consume everything, that’s why we always have backups. But anyway, Calvo calls me as am busy piping a lemon mousse in pastry. Its pale green. The green in it seems a shy one. It can’t really come out. It smells of fresh vanilla pods being handled by an executive pastry chef in paradise. Where we Christians pride to be. And am trying my level best not to bend like a welder when piping. I maintain a nice professional bend. Yeah nice, professional bend. I knew Calvin would call so I chose to ignore. And guess what? This are the times I teleport. I even love shouting “Now you see me, now you don’t”, when about to leave the kitchen. To make the story short, I left.

  Fast forward to the time we sat at a kinda boujee restaurant around Yaya. And our attention are all tied in endless stories. You know, trying to catch up. I remember we talked of Shanice, Miriam, how groundnuts are sweet, and electrical sockets. (well am portraying the position of the boy child. Men at times talk absurd things. Like how far a socket is, from his bed. Ooh! Poor men! ) Now since Calvo doesn’t work in a hotel, he ordered fries, and a closer to be, gourmet burger. I ordered Ugali ( I wondered if they had it), stir fried beef with avocados being extra, seasoned with lots of black pepper. Minutes after, just like nature, we got served. And here is when my obsession with ugali began.

You see, Ugali isn’t ‘yougali’ because of the sound /U`/. Its Ugali because of flour and water and heat. This one that I was served, resembled Lenana peak of mt Kenya, right from the pinnacle. It smoked hot. I wanted to scream in Luo accent that “This is perfeeect”. Because it was. I felt like the chef who made it, was in a long time searching a lover of his/her Ugali. And if he/she was, then, he/she had found the one. I prayed for it. Digging in it, sweetened the situation. Kumbe Ugali with stir-fried beef is tasty between 12.00 and 2.00? You guy, here I brought all my hand skills. Pulling a chunk, making a vertical borehole and scooping little pieces of beef in it. Just little eeh! The itchy flavors that it carried, craved to be scratched more. Mind you with all the heat, I didn’t sweat.

All this time, Calvo made quick peeks at me, wondering if this guy is really a chef. My hands really pounced on that Ugali. I on the other hand, suspected if he knew how ‘Yougali’ stands out when its flour, and water are in deep love. Because this was hell of an unusual sync. Tastes merging of savory, mild, greasy(cause of avocados) and a sharp umami of the stir-fry beef. This, this was heaven on Nairobi’s soil. Victoria rubadiri needs to taste this.

I just did what a man, a chef and a food enthusiast would do.

I looked at him and asked “ Is Ugali the matter?” He crushed in a lengthy laughter.

I wanted to add,”its only made of flour and water”. As if he doesn’t know. Like mzungus. But I didn’t. So anytime you’re eating Ugali, after pulling chunks, moulding it and admiring your Ugali, make a borehole. Scoop some beef. Or another kind of meat. At least make someone in that room laugh. If he doesn’t, just ask “Is Ugali the matter?”.

 If it’s a she, and she doesn’t laugh, say “its only made of flour and water”. By this you will have put some respect on Ugali. After all, its just Flour and water.