ARE 'U' CIVIL? UNDERSTANDING INCIVILITY.

“Kindness is a mark of faith and whoever is not kind has no faith” Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) 

Rationale

It is said that incivility cripples society. It is like a virus infecting our lives, workplaces, online platforms, social media, organisational cultures and people. Does being uncivil turns a leader into a snollygoster? Is it really a bug infecting our system of living? Is it detrimental to our society? Can it have grave repercussions in our professional and personal lives? Let's explore.

"Incivility is not a Vice of the Soul, but the effect of several Vices; of Vanity, Ignorance of Duty, Laziness, Stupidity, Distraction, Contempt of others, and Jealousy." Jean de la Bruyere

What is Incivility?

It can be referred to as disrespect or rudeness. Incivility may also include a lot of other various behaviours even as little as texting while people are talking to you which may appear to some as an acceptable norm in the society of digital media. Incivility may also be linked to more offensive behaviours like yelling or making offensive jokes. At times people may think it is ok to text while others are talking, but when you look into the nitty-gritty of things, you will find that it’s actually rude to be busy with your beloved iPhone when people are talking. It has become a norm, to be indulged in your mobile while people are talking to you. We need to be careful of our actions as it may hurt or make others feel disrespected. We may not mean to make someone feel that way, but when we do, it has consequences. (Porath, 2018) 

When we talk about incivility having consequences here is what I am referring to. 

Story Time:

Tom has a two-year-old son who loves to interact and play with him. There are times when Tom has ignored his son, especially while on the mobile phone or laptop. His son would come up to him and keep calling, and Tom would ignore him. After observing the dad for some time, the son has adopted a new strategy; he doesn’t leave until Tom attends to him. The Toddler keeps shouting ‘dad’ until he is given some attention. If you think about it, Tom’s ignorance has changed the toddler’s behaviour. Now the son thinks that irritating dad is the only way to get attention or else he won't respond.

Food for thought: A small act of ignorance has resulted in a behavioural change of a toddler, imagine what would it do to an adult. Would acts related to incivility impact his/her personal and professional lives?

What Comes to Your Mind When We Talk About 'Incivility?'

• Being rude
• Mocking people
• Making offensive jokes
• Disrespecting peers
• Belittling others
• Not minding your own business
• Holding on to information or not sharing needed information
• Lack of common civilities, for example, greeting people, saying please or thank you
• Not paying attention or failure to listen
• Condescending behaviour
• Patronising or acting snobbish
• Unreasonable work expectations
• Excluding people from work-related events

Victims of Incivility?

According to research by (Anderson, Pearson et al., 2000) below are the effects of incivility:

·      22% of employees had intentionally decreased work

·      10% had called in sick to avoid the instigator

·      28% lost productivity because they spent time at work avoiding the instigator

·      37% reduced their commitment to the organisation

·      12% had actually quit the organisation

 Now here are the recent figures (Porath, 2018)

 ·      66% cut back work efforts

·      80% lost time worrying about what happened

·      12% left their jobs 

Implications of Incivility

The above figures are alarming and can have an impact on the following:

·      Leadership

·      Goodwill of the company

·      Organisational culture

·      Motivation

·      Productivity

·      Morale

·      Engagement 

What About the Witnesses?

It does impact the witnesses too and here are the figures (Porath, 2018):

·      25% resulted in worse performance

·      45% resulted in responding with fewer ideas 

Why does it exist?

There is a misconception by and large that if you are not rude, people do not respect or listen to you. Uncivil people may be suffering from “the nice guy finishes last syndrome.” As a matter of fact, this is not true. For the time being, you may feel that people respect you or things are getting done, but in the long run, people will just start ignoring you, they will stop trusting you, start taking you for granted, lose trust in you or simply leave the company.  

In addition to the above dubious traits, uncivil people may also be suffering from the following: jealousy, fear, inferiority/superiority complex, lack of education, incompetency, lack of required skills and they are easily intimidated. The behaviour they portray may also be owed to the amalgamation of all their previous experiences and tenures. Some psychologists even argue that incivility may be the result of their childhood traumas or can be linked to their upbringing.  

Hello Mr Rude!

When in doubt uncivil people may access their alter ego which I call Mr Rude and get the magical answers. Once convinced by Mr Rude they set on a journey to maim people's morale, their mental health and destroy organisational cultures. The more the influence of Mr Rude on uncivil people the less effective they become to the organisation and society.

“I don’t give if it’s your number one salesperson, your best developer or your co-founder. Cancer spreads — and with cancer and politics, comes lack of speed,” Gary Vaynerchuk

Gary Vaynerchuk, chairman of Vayner X, CEO of VaynerMedia, 5-Time NYT bestselling author and a self-made millionaire, says it's better to fire uncivil people as they are toxic and can be detrimental to the firm's progress even if they are your best employees. In the long run, they will do more damage than good.

"We are on the dawn of an era where emotional intelligence is about to become the single most important trade" Gary Vaynerchuk

Tools for Fighting Incivility

Here are some tools which can be added to your arsenal:

·      Active listening skills

·      Empathy

·      EQ

·      Respect

·      Situational sensing (please refer to my LinkedIn article published on 23rd March 2019)

·      Systematic verbal assertiveness (please refer to my LinkedIn article published on 23rd March 2019

You can also try the 5/10 method by Patrick Quinlan who was a former CEO of Ochsner Medical Center (Porath, 2018). Ochsner Health System is Louisiana's largest non-profit, academic, healthcare system, recognised by U.S. News & World Report as the “Best Hospital.”

Now, this is how it works:

·      If you are within 5 feet of someone say hello and interact

·      If you are within 10 feet you make eye contact and smile 

The key here is repeating what you are doing with perseverance, like keep saying 'Hi' and 'Smiling,' even if the uncivil people don't respond you shouldn't leave your ground. BE FIRM! 

Deploy “CARE”

C - Genuinely caring for people around you in professional and personal lives

A - Exercise assertiveness, where you speak your mind but also consider the other parties involved

R - Build a genuine relationship and good rapport with your peers

E - Deploy empathy and EQ

Respect & Reflect

(Porath, 2018) Says that a survey conducted from 20,000 employees around the world revealed that they expect leaders to show respect more than anything including appreciation and recognition. This resulted in healthier, focused and more engaged staff.

Takeaway for Leaders

According to research, a manager or a leader engages himself/herself in almost 600 different activities (Turban E, Mclean E et al., 2002). These activities can become your touch points where you can interact with the people. By these interactions, you can create a genuine rapport and enhance your leadership skills.

Takeaway for Organisations

By fighting incivility, you are increasing your company's goodwill and becoming an ethical workplace, an organic sanctuary for staff to learn and grow. Your organisation will have a happier workforce who are emotionally attached to your firm yielding better results, improved productivity and achieving company goals.

Takeaway for ‘U’

And now reflecting all this in our professional and personal lives, how civil are ‘U’? 

 References:

Anderson, L., C. Pearson and C. Porath (2000). Assessing and Attacking Workplace Incivility Organizational Dynamics 29(2).

Porath, C. (2016). Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace: Grand Central Publishing

Porath, C. (2018). Why being respectful to your coworkers is good for business. In TEDxUniversityofNevada ed., Ted Talks.

Turban E, Mclean E and Wetherbe J (2002). Information Technology for Management: Transforming Business in the Digital Economy. US: John Wiley and Sons.