Two Ways You May Be Too Easily Satisfied – and Hurting Those You Care About
Christian Muntean
Advisor for rapid growth, scaling, succession and exits | Author | Speaker | Executive Coach | CEPA
I had a problem but didn’t know it. My problem was one that many, if not most, consultants and coaches have experienced: I knew how to help my clients. But I didn’t know how to help myself.
I felt embarrassed. Dissonant. Uncomfortable.
I loved consulting and coaching. It was my answer to the question, “If money wasn’t an issue, and you could do anything you wanted – what would it be?”
But I didn’t understand the business of consulting. So, money was an issue. A game-stopping issue.
A key aspect of that problem? I was too easily satisfied by the wrong things.
When I felt uncomfortable, I went to my safe place: Knowing things.
I attempted to assuage my discomfort by stuffing myself full of knowledge. I read articles and books, attended webinars and conferences, went through trainings, and earned certifications.
I knew a lot. And was learning more.
But wasn’t doing a lot.
I Needed to Change
I valued knowing. But I didn’t value acting to the same degree.
I wasn’t lazy. I worked long hours and was proud of it.
But I only did what I was comfortable with. Not the things I needed to do.
Which, unfortunately, were unfamiliar. They made me even more uncomfortable than my starting out discomfort. So I didn’t do them.
I made my excuses and had my reasons for why I wouldn’t act. They were never the truth, which was:?I felt afraid or insecure.
No, my excuses and rationalizations were more cleverly framed than that. And a big part of the problem was: Learning satisfied me too easily. It felt like action. It felt like the right action. And it was comfortable action.
Then The Epiphany
Then my wife became pregnant with my first child. That scared reality into me.
Around this time, I had a conversation with a friend of mine, Reed Moore. Reed owns a real estate team that, now, is one of the highest-performing teams in the nation. He later became a client – but before that happened – I needed his help.
As he talked, I noticed something different about him from other realtors I knew. When he went to a conference, or read a book – he executed. He didn’t debate whether or not something would work for him. He didn’t sit on a great idea. He made it happen.
It was simple. He learned something. Then he acted.
And he got results.
I started to notice that trend with?everyone?I knew who was successful. They acted.
They didn’t keep learning or researching or thinking about “it”.
They acted. They followed through. They made things happen.
Sometimes they made mistakes. Sometimes it was messy. They almost always knew less about what they were trying to do than they “should”. But they were moving forward. And they created success.
I was stuck in a?miserable place. I often understood and could explain the dynamics of their success better than they could. But I wasn’t able to experience it. My inhibitions and self-deceptions prevented me.
I’m not a fan of little white lies. They are absolutely destructive when we believe the ones we tell ourselves.
My little lies allowed me to be easily satisfied with the wrong things.
I started to act
It was shortly after my wife told me she was pregnant that I hired my first coach. This was almost 11 years ago.
I suddenly knew I needed to act. And I saw that I needed someone outside of me to “get me off my butt and get moving.”
Since then, I’ve rarely been without a coach. Their value has been less about them knowing something I didn’t- although they often have. It’s been much more about making sure I was moving.
As I began acting, I began getting results. Some of the results were what I wanted. Sometimes they weren’t.
But because I was acting, I had something I could work on and change. As someone once said, “It’s hard to steer a parked car.”
As I acted or practiced, the quality of my results improved – both for myself and more importantly for my clients.
That last bit was interesting for me: As I wrestled with my internal resistances and challenges, my clients achieved better results.
That was how I discovered that for leaders (and consultants), personal development is leadership development. We can only serve out of who we are.
We owe it to those we serve to do our own homework.
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Two Ways We Satisfy Ourselves into Failure – Or at Least a Disappointing “Lesser Than”
Satisfied with knowledge instead of action:?In my case, learning and knowing did it for me. I do have a genuine curiosity and a love of learning. But this allowed me to persuade myself that I didn’t need to take action.
Satisfied with activity instead of results:?Speaking of taking action – that can be another false satisfaction. I would work hard on certain things, over and over again, because it?seemed?like they were the right things.
But they didn’t produce. Instead of acknowledging that I was doing the wrong things – I tended to just double down and try to do the wrong things more.
It was the same underlying driver: I was comfortable with what I was doing. And I really hoped that approach would eventually work.
Although I wanted to get different results, I didn’t want to do different things.
Suddenly (Over Nearly 11 Years) It Changed
Relentless execution has changed my life. When my life changed, opportunities emerged for my family. Results changed for my clients.
It took me longer than many to start to build up to it. And I still hire coaches today – because there are still layers to my particular onion that I’m peeling through.
What is satisfying you too easily?
What price are you paying for this easy satisfaction?
What price do others pay as a consequence?
What one action do you need to take today?
As one of my current coaches, Craig Ballantyne, signs off on his e-mails,
Success loves speed,
Christian
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