Two Types of Questions Great Leaders Never Ask

For leaders to succeed in today's work environment they have be adept at navigating difficult conversations. These are the important and complex conversations leaders must have that require positive relationships to advance the situation at hand. Examples of these harder conversations include:

• Giving constructive feedback to an employee
• Repairing a bad relationship with a client, colleague or boss
• Getting alignment with stakeholders who have strong different opinions
• Resolving a recurring issue with another team or individual

The Importance of Quality Questions

The best leaders understand and value that people have different experiences, access to information, values, goals, and perceptions that often lead to the formation of different insights, innovations, and conclusions. The ability and willingness to ask quality questions helps leaders surface underlying assumptions and to create a foundation of trust for positive change. Taking the time to ask questions demonstrates that the leader understands they don’t have all the information and need input from others to establish a more accurate shared perspective.

The Judgment Trap

Unfortunately, leaders often fall into a habit of asking questions to elicit a specific, predetermined answer. These types of questions focus on judgment rather than understanding. Questions that contain judgments can threaten others’ self-esteem and provoke defensive reactions. Leaders can't stop people from being defensive, but they can control their words, so they do not trigger others’ defensiveness.

The two most common types of judgment questions are:

1.     Judgments About The Person’s Behaviors

This type of judgment question is dressed up like a question but it is actually a statement about how the leader feels the person “should have done” things in the past or “should do” things in the future. It is important for leaders to understand the difference between when they are asking questions to increase understanding and when they just telling others what they should be doing. There are times when leaders need to provide direction regarding other's behaviors, they just should not do it in the form of a question. Below are examples of how declarative statements are often placed in the form of a question.

• Why haven’t you . . . ?
• Don’t you agree that . . . ?
• Have you considered…?
• Why don’t you…..?
• Have you thought about . . . ?

2.     Judgments About The Person

This type of judgment question is more damaging because it makes a statement, in the guise of a question, about the person. These types of questions provoke defensiveness and often result in others responding in a defensive manner (fight, flight or freeze). The opportunity to have a collaborative and productive conversation where people feel respected and valued has been lost. Below are some common examples of how personal judgments can be delivered in the form of a question:

• Why are you failing at . . . ?
• Why do you always (or never)...?
• You wanted to do it all by yourself, didn’t you?
• Don’t you know better than...?

Preparing for Success

Before entering a difficult conversation, it is often helpful to take the time to examine the unconscious beliefs or judgments you may be holding about the situation. Asking the wrong type of questions can quickly turn a difficult conversation into a negative experience for all who are participating. A couple of reflection questions leaders can ask themselves to prepare for a challenging conversation are:

• What assumptions or beliefs am I holding about the conversation that I want to have?
• How could my assumptions and judgments negatively impact my best goals for this conversation?

Taking the time to understand one's beliefs and judgments before entering an important and complex conversation enables leaders to be prepared to ask quality questions that promote understanding and build trust.

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About the Author: Tony Gambill is the President and Founder of ClearView Leadership, an innovative leadership and talent development consulting firm helping executives and managers bring their best leadership self to their most challenging situations. Coauthor of the upcoming book, Getting It Right When It Matters Most, published by Business Expert Press.