Two Truths At The Dump

My local transfer station is set up like a conveyor belt. Driving in one end, the big garbage, paper and cardboard, and finally glass and tin bins are aligned along one side down below, behind a railing. I can attest that railing gives one the great pleasure of hoisting one’s refuse over and watching it sail into the abyss.

Depending on the flow of traffic, one parks, or idles, along the way behind the car in front to deposit stuff before driving out the other end.

On this particular day, a big shiny red pickup truck was parked at the beginning of this “conveyor belt,” with a long space ahead of it before the next car. I immediately felt annoyed at what I judged was the driver’s lack of adherence to protocol by not moving up behind the car in front, so that others could come in behind.

I drove around him, parked next to the second set of bins, and started to quickly unload.

When I grabbed my garbage bag to walk back to the garbage bins, the door of the red truck was open, blocking my way, and the driver was standing on his rocker panel, staring at me.

I asked if he could close his door so that I could get by.

“You’re supposed to wait in line!” he declared.

I looked at him, said “Okay” with a tone leaning toward unconvinced, and walked around his truck to get to the bins.

He drove around my car to get to the glass and tin bins. I waited patiently for him to finish and leave before pulling forward to do the same, feeling unsettled.

I didn’t feel I had done anything wrong. From his point of view, he hadn’t done anything wrong either. We simply didn’t see the situation the same.

What struck me about this interaction, when I reflected on it later, was this.

We both believed we were justified, but he chose to confront me openly. To put me on the defensive. I didn’t accept it, but I also didn’t fight back. I deflected and found another way.

Should I have defended myself and expressed my point of view? Or go on the offense and fault him for not moving forward into the available space?

Perhaps. But that tends not to be my way.

What a dilemma! I kept the peace, but I’m not sure that helped him learn that being aggressive and intimidating other people is not a cool thing to do.

This didn’t damage my self-esteem or sense of equal legitimacy, though it took me time to settle!

Being so focused on his “self-righteousness” in the beginning, I realized that I needed to own my self-righteousness as well! I surely felt it as I approached the area and criticized him in my mind for not following “my” idea of protocol.

So, we both felt the same energy. But he expressed it out loud.

For me, this was a microcosmic episode of what is happening all around us in the macrocosm. Power dynamics that intimidate and perpetuate win-lose. Not easy to transform into win-win.

But, more importantly, how to transcend them? That is what I’m interested in.

Did I transcend this little episode? I leave the answer hanging in the balance.

I do, however, return to the intention that I want to find in my heart. And strive as best as I can to practice radical love, though what that looks like in action can change.

Yours on the Journey,

Martha