???Two things can be true at the same time

786 words | 3 min 26 secs read time

There tends to be a stark contrast between shallow social media portrayals and the profound narratives that unfold in real conversations.

This isn’t news, of course. Social media doesn’t lend itself to nuance. Still, for some reason, every couple of weeks, I get a reminder that brings this point home.

This week, it was the social media coverage around the?Armchair Expert Podcast interview of Johnathan Van Ness. Johnathan Van Ness is best known as one of the Fab Five from the Queer Eye television series. They are also a hairstylist, TV personality, and podcaster. During the interview, Dax Shephard, the host of Armchair Expert, and Johnathan ended up having a vulnerable, raw, and honest conversation about transgender rights.

At the outset of the interview, it was clear that Johnathan and Dax shared a mutual admiration for each other. Their conversation was fun and joyful, and they had a lot of things in common. Then, the conversation turned from light-hearted banter to something real.

It started when the two disagreed about whether the New York Times was still a liberal newspaper, and things took a turn from there. They ended up in a disagreement about some of the most popular trans rights debates.

The conversation was tough. Dax was misinformed on some things, and it was difficult for Johnathan to hear that misinformation from someone they admired. Johnathan even cried at one point, but the two got through it. They exhibited a rawness and honesty that we seldom see in public dialogues. Though it felt awkward at times, both persevered through a difficult conversation, exemplifying how to navigate tough topics respectfully and candidly.

Enter social media’s oversimplification and sensationalism.

Somehow, Dax became the villain. He was an?anti-trans propaganda purveyor?who made his guests cry. Johnathan was made out to be a victim. Their exchange was “heated,” and Johnathan “[broke] down in tears” while defending trans rights.

Social media reduced their exchange to its simplest terms. There was someone to like, someone to hate, and a catchy, clickbait-y headline to ensure that social media’s take got as many views and ad dollars as possible at the expense of meaningful discourse.

Conversations about topics that matter to us —identity, white privilege, discrimination, income inequality, politics, religion, etc.— don’t occur in a vacuum. We are all fish swimming in the pool of oppression. That means we are all going to get wet.

There will be times when we get things right and times when we get it all wrong, even if we are part of a marginalized group or consider ourselves liberal. (Don’t believe me; look at?this social media post.)

At one point, Johnathan even acknowledged this point during the interview,

You cannot be transphobic and still have thoughts that espouse trans misogyny and espouse transphobic ideologies or beliefs... Just like how I have to challenge biases about white privilege and make sure I’m not speaking over someone who is a person of color or a Black person if we’re talking about racism or police brutality.”

Because we are all swimming in the same pool of oppression, we are bound to internalize oppressive messages. So, becoming aware of those messages and challenging them is a practice. There will be difficult conversations along the way and times when we look back and shake our heads at our former positions and beliefs.

Still, humans can simultaneously hold two seemingly contradictory ideas. We can be both misinformed and care about inclusivity for all. We can fight to end discrimination and still behave in ways that show we have yet to confront our internalized oppression. We can move toward a more equitable and loving society and make huge, cringe worthy, missteps along the way.

Social media isn’t adept at capturing these nuances because they don’t fit neatly into a headline or post of 500 words or less. So it’s up to us to be gracious and remember that we all will get it wrong at some point.

To err is human. It’s our mistakes and failures that unite us most of all.

So let’s prioritize depth over retweets and understanding over vilification. Let's keep moving toward a culture of meaningful dialogue capable of fostering a more informed, compassionate, and inclusive society.

I'll walk that path with you.?