Two Stories on Addressing Discomfort

It’s been a few weeks since I sat down to write— though busy, I’ll free-write a few raw thoughts over the next thirty minutes; to reflect on the end of classes for this block in Michaelmas term.

I’ll spare the platitudes and prima facie statements on grit, but I’m listening to how I react and discovering qualities in myself unknowingly extant, from a not so long-ago past life. In being elected Co-President of the Oxford MBA program, the responsibility and duty has served as a focal point for this journey. Part of a leadership role is inspirational, but when the ethos dissipates, the room fills with the din of uncertainty and voices looking for a hundred solutions.

I’ve reflected on ways to be complete and honest with processing problems as they come up. I lean toward extroversion in the sense that people energize me; I thrive on being busy, involved, Type A and ambitious. Though incredibly critical on myself, I want the best for others and will refine and refine until I approach happy. This article is about that pursuit of care.

I chose two activities to enhance my academic experience this year: Student Government and Men’s Rowing for my college. They complement each other in that they both require a team to function. We identify our blind spots, receive feedback and build something larger than ourselves. To serve is to enhance the aggregate, which at times comes at odds with enhancing ourselves in every moment.

Accept this truism and pause to recall that nobody will chastise you for helping a teammate. I’ll elaborate on this idea with two anecdotes from the past 48 hours.

Confront Uncomfortable, It Saves Time

Part of leadership involves extending your ear and slowing down the tempo to process a concern: to listen and to thoughtfully break down the challenge.

This doesn’t take an overwhelming amount of energy. If it’s an email, send it within 30 seconds.

If a friend wants a quick call, just take it, if it feels urgent; you have enough hours in the day that it doesn’t need an Outlook invite.

Today was particularly busy and I had a few personal issues which I’ll highlight in the next story. After several hours of straight meetings, I got a text asking for a quick call on a particular topic. My initial reaction was to just shut my eyes and spend a few minutes meditating to declutter my head. It was a topic that I wasn’t particularly enthused by, but it was a responsibility.

I ended up taking the call and we came to a solution within 8 minutes. My point is not to overwhelm yourself and become a ‘yes man or woman’. Tackle the small things. The weight of addressing an issue and putting it off for three days is a lot heavier than a couple minutes of initial discomfort.

Humans Connect and Solve Problems Together: Crisis Management Demonstrates This

The second anecdote is personal. I finished up work at school late Tuesday evening and made the long walk back home. As I approached my flat, I saw firetrucks and police officers. My heart sunk as I worried that my belongings were burnt.

Fortunately, the emergency was not life threatening – a water pipe had burst and flooded part of the building (luckily my possessions were untouched). As a result, the units were unlivable for a few days without electricity.

At 6:00pm on a cold evening, those of us living in the units were told to hurry and pack up our clothing, Wi-Fi routers and sheets for the next 48 hours. We were told that the administration would set us up in empty studio rooms – quite far from most of our classes.

Now this could be interpreted as unreasonable, but I wanted a hotel with a degree of comfort .. not a cold room which lacked sheets, pillows or Wi-Fi. I started to negotiate.

The first point to make here is that the two staff addressing the concerns had not been in this position before. They were human and trying to come up with an emergency response to this unfortunate event. I am thoroughly impressed with the outcome and how we worked together on a solution.

I stated my case as the 10-15 other students listened. I was met with a solid NO and that the alternative student housing units would be appropriate.

To recalibrate expectations I started with the question “Is this a cost issue? These units are free and a hotel voucher would incur an expense.”

“No, the cost is not the issue.”

Then shouldn’t this be easy enough? The hotel has enough rooms and it would solve the problem quicker than arranging a bunch of keys and adhering to COVID regulations.

Second, I asked for empathy. “Do you think this would be reasonable if your flat was just flooded?” The two staff gave an uncomfortable ‘Yea…sure..’.

This couldn’t have been reasonable given the circumstance. Finally, I used that rousing tone to stir up some excitement and asked for a show of hands to see if the proposed solution was reasonable. Of course, nobody gave their vote of approval.

A few minutes later, the staff came back with a solution to set us up in a nearby hotel for a few days until the issue was resolved. One of the two staff even drove a few of us over and we had a jovial conversation to make the best of a stressful moment.

Humans are reasonable. We hate to have these conversations and we hate to lead when the rhetoric could turn hostile and espouse conflict. But sometimes we need to raise that voice in a respectful, but inspiring form. I tried to do this; for obviously selfish reasons to be comfortable this week, but also because I looked around at all of us standing in the cold and realized that others wanted and needed that same option, but didn’t want to come forward to say it. While I am not a blind optimist as some of these statements might suggest, I believe in the collective and that the world is not a zero sum game.

We are all human and when we communicate with each other, we find ways to solve problems.

I’ll leave it at that for now. These aren’t particularly world-changing anecdotes, but they demonstrate that with a bit of vulnerability, we can do more together. We need to shed that layer of shame to work together.

I’m trying to keep that in mind as an active thought in all interactions I have, especially within the activities I chose for my year. While I may lose sight at moments, these are two mantras I’m trying to adopt and bring myself back to in times of stress.

Do the small awkward things as soon as possible and find common ground with each other.

Michael