Two Simple Keys to Building Great Relationships

This is a blog post I posted a decade ago, May 13, 2013. I reworked it using ChatGPT. The advice is timeless, as relevant today as when I first wrote it. Tap into reciprocity and liking and you're sure to build great relationships.

Two Simple Keys to Building Great Relationships

Unraveling the secret ingredient that spices up relationships, we often find ourselves stumbling upon the principle of reciprocity. This is not just a fancy term, but a remarkable approach to human behavior that holds the power to craft meaningful relationships, be it personal or professional. It’s the simple act of doing something for someone, expecting nothing in return, that often leaves a profound impact. Let's delve deeper into this fascinating world of reciprocity and liking, and explore how they contribute to strengthening bonds.

When you extend a helping hand to someone, it often triggers a wave of appreciation in their heart. This appreciation isn't just an emotion, but a physiological reaction, resulting in a surge of endorphins that make them feel good. Consequently, they form a positive perception of you. However, it's crucial to avoid turning your kindness into a transactional behavior, accumulating a cache of favors. Authenticity is the key here. People can sense when you're keeping score, and it can often lead to wariness and skepticism, tainting the purity of your actions.

Let's take a detour to illustrate this idea. Imagine a friend who constantly does favors for you, but every time they do, you find yourself questioning, "What's the catch?" That feeling is a testament to the importance of genuine altruism in maintaining a positive dynamic.

Besides reciprocity, liking is another principle that fuels relationships. It's a no-brainer - we tend to gravitate towards those who show us affection. Building rapport can be as easy as finding common ground. My wife, Jane, beautifully demonstrates this. Whenever she spots a fellow Pittsburgh Steelers fan, she's quick to say, "Go Steelers." Just like that, a bond is formed, turning strangers into friends.

Complimenting is another effective way to foster liking. A sincere compliment not only uplifts the recipient but also makes you feel good about yourself. Remember, your thoughts about others that remain unexpressed are like unwrapped gifts. As Abraham Lincoln wisely said, "Everyone likes a compliment."

The golden rule of both liking and reciprocity is to direct your focus on the other person's best interests, not yours. Become a benevolent force, genuinely invested in helping others. When people sense your selfless intentions, they are more likely to reciprocate your kindness. To quote Zig Ziglar, "You can get everything you want in life if you would just help enough other people get what they want."

Let's flip the coin and talk about liking from a different angle. Instead of striving to make others like you, try to like them. You'll find that the same things that can make people like you can help you like them. By identifying shared interests or traits, you're more likely to foster a liking towards them.

Moreover, as you acknowledge the praiseworthy traits in others and voice your appreciation, you convince yourself of their worthiness. This, in turn, lets them know that you genuinely appreciate them, paving the way for a stronger bond.

In conclusion, the secret to flourishing relationships lies in selflessly giving and connecting with others' best interests in mind. Such an approach not only garners appreciation but also stimulates positivity within you. It's a mutually beneficial cycle, a win-win situation for all parties involved, contributing to a harmonious social environment.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at?Influence PEOPLE . An?author ,?TEDx speaker , international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book,?Influence PEOPLE , was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by?Book Authority . His follow-up,?Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents , was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book,?The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness , is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s?LinkedIn courses ?on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!