The Two Sides to Being an “Only”

There are two sides to being an “only”. Yes, it can feel isolating, but you can also use it to your advantage.

“There's this side where it can absolutely feel lonely, you can feel disconnected, you can sometimes feel invisible. Then there's the other side where it can absolutely be empowering and be a competitive advantage.” - Lisa Hurley

On episode 65 of the Embracing “Only” podcast, we spoke to Lisa Hurley about leveraging your uniqueness for success in a professional environment and surviving corporate America.

Lisa is an entrepreneur, writer, and Anthem award-winning activist whose work centers on Black women and encompasses self-care, community care, and Black joy.?

She shared some amazing tips for rethinking our approach to being an “only” and using it to our advantage.? That’s what we’re exploring in this newsletter.

Listen to the episode or scroll down to read one of the highlights of our conversation ↓

1) Leverage Your Secret Sauce?

Lisa has been an “only” in many different ways - the only woman, the only black person, the only person of a certain age group or generation.

“You have to know that you are the secret sauce, and look for ways that you can leverage your secret sauce, and leverage your uniqueness into an advantage.” - Lisa Hurley

Lisa explains that when she was in her twenties, she was the only woman in management and the youngest on her team. She did a lot of training and made herself as visible as possible. That led to her becoming one of the youngest marketing officers in the Caribbean, for an all-inclusive.

“I'm the “only” and I'm the youngest. But I can still make this work and derive success from this.” - Lisa Hurley

This does not mean it will be easy.

“There were absolutely times when it was hard. [...] But there's always a way that you can flip that narrative to change it to your advantage.” - Lisa Hurley

2) Lead the Way

Olivia explained that many of the black women she coaches say this, “I don't see anyone doing what I want to do.”

“There definitely is value to being surrounded by people who look like you. And there is value to you not making that necessary a requirement for you to be successful.” - Lisa Hurley

Maybe you're supposed to be the example for everybody else to follow. Even if it means you will be in the spotlight.

“The spotlight gets hot sometimes. It will make your work up a sweat a little bit. But what it gives you is visibility and accessibility. Two things that you need for success. [...] Being an “only” almost guarantees you those two things should you choose to look at it as a competitive advantage instead of shying away from it.” - Olivia Cream

Change the narrative?

• From “Oh no, they see me.”
• To “Yes, they see me, see all of me!”.

“All of the magic, all of the beauty, all of the amazingness, all of the intellect, all of the style, all of the creativity. All of it. They're going to get all of it.” - Lisa Hurley

3) Let Go of Preconceived Societal Beliefs

I was a 17-year-old immigrant. For the 17 years before I came to America, I had only seen people who looked like me.?

I had never experienced being an “only”.

I was so confident in the fact that I was going to succeed. I was so confident that no matter that it was six boys to one girl in my electrical engineering class, I was going to succeed. It was going to happen.?

I never considered that I had a huge advantage before our conversation with Lisa because I didn't come in with preconceived societal beliefs. These beliefs can hold us back from reaching our true potential.

To hear the full conversation with Lisa Hurley on the Embracing “Only” Podcast, scroll up and hit play – or click here and tune into episode 65.

EMBRACING “ONLY” PODCAST:?

?? Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and anywhere you find your podcasts!

Women – particularly women of color – are constantly bombarded with societal and systemic hurdles that they face professionally with no balance in solutions.?

News, media, and coaching tend to focus on our differences and obstacles but don’t provide thought-provoking solutions to help people regain control of their lives and find direction.?

The Embracing “Only” Podcast seeks to provide a community for women to share their lived experiences and not feel alone in their journey to claim their power and purpose in the communities they seek to serve, transform, and impact.