Two short stories

Experience says that experiential learning is the only way one can help decipher the connotations and between-the-lines meanings of any piece of communications. If that sentence smacks of some inherent (or implied) contradiction, I leave it to wordsmiths and linguists to figure out where it is leading. ???

Meanwhile, you can enjoy two short stories on communication.

Ass-U-Me

Assumption has been one of the banes of communication - the best of best included - and I am no exception, except that years of trials and errors have helped me improve somewhat. Bosses assume they know what the junior is ‘trying’ to say. Juniors assume bosses can hardly, if ever, second-guess them. Children assume parents are idiots and outdated. Parents assume children are stuck in their time. It is a ubiquitous problem.?

This story is about ‘assuming’ communicators, and you will soon see why I am only counting the professional ones.

Having worked as Head of Communications for many years (and done, dare I say, exceptionally well at Media Management for my employers), I ‘naturally assumed’ that I would be able to breeze through the Media Effects course at the Johns Hopkins University where I was then pursuing my mid-career, second Master’s program.?

So I proudly walked over to the book store, purchased the prescribed Media Theory book for $58 (with a lot of pride) and settled down in my apartment in Baltimore to devour the contents (I hope you relished the word ‘devour’ in the previous sentence, as much as I did).

One hour and eight pages later, I had to start reading everything all over again!?

I understood the language, of course, but the underlying concepts were flying over my head like vague images. My second and third readings did not help much either. Here is why. This course was intensely informed by psychology, requiring deep knowledge and understanding of the subject. It assumed that you had already done a considerable amount of study in psychology (and I was not even aware of this fact when enrolling for this course). ?

So I went running to Dr. Erika Falk , the head of the communications department at JHU, and explained my predicament. Being the brilliant professor she was, she immediately recognized the systemic assumption that allowed students such as myself to register for a course - that needed a solid background in psychology - without sufficient preparation.?

Next, she issued to me a long list of books that I ended up reading for the next three months. It was a tough phase, because I ended up slogging 16-17 hours a day, simply to acquire the background that would ‘qualify’ me to pursue the course in the next semester.

Let us now cut to some of the findings in this course that most readers ‘should’ find counter-intuitive, to say the least.

Do you know that media effects are so negligible, if any, that there is hardly any case for them? Meta studies have examined, time and again, and concluded that there is very little evidence to suggest that people will change their behaviors simply because the media channels say something.?

Why then do so many corporate houses (and their owners) continue to assume they need to hire professionals to ‘manage’ media relations? Can it be simply because it feels nice to see or read something about oneself or one’s organization in the media? And yes, I can say it with experience that any journalist worth her or his salt cannot be ‘managed’ (I can personally vouch for scores of them who have rightly reached the top of their profession). Those who can be, do not matter. Good journalists invest their time interacting with professionals who can ‘generate’ top quality content relevant to their audiences.??

I started by promising a short story.?

Let us conclude by remembering two things. One, whoever you are, it is time to challenge your assumptions. Two, don’t assume that media effects are, or will be similar, for Social Media. That is another topic for another day.?

Why relationships fizzle out

I recently had a chat with a friend of 30 years. He was ruing the fact that he had invested so much in building relationships for the last three decades and yet most of his relationships had remained transactional.?

A month ago, he had a health crisis, and while money was no constraint, not even one person had taken the time out to visit him in the two weeks he spent in the hospital. They had all forgotten the lavish parties he had thrown and the expensive scotch they had consumed at his expense. The resulting skepticism has made him a recluse of sorts. Suddenly, he has become a lot more fond of close friends, a lot more inward looking and a lot less demanding.

What really went wrong in his case??

The answers stare everyone in the face but not many of us have the courage of conviction to confront them. He always called ‘useful’ people (those he perceived as useful) to his parties. He ‘expected’ something from them. He mistook their temporary, alcohol-induced effervescence as ‘intimacy’. He always gave them a feeling that they were ‘useful’ to each other. And he rarely followed up with them, until it was time for the next party.

The signals were obviously not lost on his ‘important’ guests. They knew they were being invited because they were ‘important’. They brought in cheap wine (or sometimes decent wine) in reciprocation and had settled the obligation in their minds. They saw through the power play at these parties and they secretly hated the host for this ‘show’ of power. So while they would help him in small matters, if directly asked, they never behaved like friends when it came to showing empathy.

Frankly, it is a clear case of confusing networks as a circle of friends. Besides, no one can have 150 real friends. Admirers, perhaps yes. Followers, perhaps yes. Lovers, perhaps yes. But friends??Come on...

Just one lesson to remember there: Interpersonal communication is always about reciprocation. Reciprocation holds the key.??

Himanshu Rai Indian Institute of Management Udaipur Indian Institute of Management, Ranchi Indian Institute of Management, Indore Spin Masters IIM Sirmaur IIMA's ePGP Programme Indian Institute of Management Bangalore Indian Institute of Management Raipur Indian Institute of Management Rohtak Indian Institute of Management, Lucknow Indian Institute of Management, Shillong