Two Pains In Life: One That Hurts - Another That Alters. Have Your Been Altered? What To Do?

If you find yourself on Earth, you have encountered pain. The mere mention of the word immediately brings to mind a situation you’ve endured or perhaps one you are experiencing right now. The question becomes: Are you aware of what the pain is doing—or threatening to do—to you?

The statement, “There are two kinds of pain in this world: The pain that ‘Hurts’ the pain that ‘Alters,’” is revealing. A slap in the face, while painful, is generally temporary. Its sting fades, and though its impact might linger in memory, it is unlikely to alter the trajectory of your life. On the other hand, a broken heart, torn apart by betrayal, has the potential to alter—to reshape how you approach love, trust, and relationships altogether.

How can you tell if you’ve been altered? And if you have, is it possible to return to your original state of mind? During a recent training session, I posed this question, and one attendee insightfully remarked, “Our experiences change us forever. The truth of the experience is irrefutable.”

Let’s explore this further. How do you know if you’ve been altered? Here are three ways to tell:

Three Ways to Tell If You’ve Been Altered

1. Shifting Worldview Pain that alters often reshapes your understanding of the world. You may notice that your trust in people, systems, or beliefs has eroded—or vanished altogether.
2. Hypervigilance Altering pain can trigger a state of hypervigilance—a heightened alertness where you are constantly on guard, anticipating threats even in safe situations. While this response is protective, it can interfere with relationships, decision-making, and overall well-being.
3. Emotional Imprint The weight of altering pain lingers, influencing your decisions and reactions, sometimes without your awareness.

How Do I Make It Back?

You’ve likely heard the analogy, “What if babies stopped trying to walk after falling the first few times?” Consider the mindset of a baby: the pain of falling hurts, but it doesn’t travel deep enough to alter the baby’s determination to try again. How did the baby acquire this resilience, and why is it essential?

The Creator knew the baby WOULD fall. There is genius in that preparation. If we approached pain with the same understanding—as something inevitable, like a baby falling—how might that change our reaction to betrayal, loss, or failure? Would we recover faster, move forward more freely, and remain unscathed by the deeper effects of altering pain?

Cognitive Reshaping: A Tool for Recovery

For those seeking greater insight into recovery from altering pain, I often introduce a practice called Cognitive Reshaping during my training sessions. This approach involves recognizing, challenging, and transforming the negative thought patterns associated with pain. It encourages individuals to:

• Acknowledge their pain honestly.
• Reframe their experiences to extract meaning and growth.
• Build resilience by developing new narratives and focusing on what lies ahead.

Cognitive Reshaping doesn’t erase pain, but it helps transform its impact, guiding you to a stronger, more empowered version of yourself.

Not Backwards But "Forward"

If you’ve been altered, there is a way forward—not necessarily back to who you were, but toward who you can become. Pain shapes us, but it does not have to define us.

Thank you for exploring this topic with me. This month, I’m committed to sharing weekly discussions on Trauma-Informed Preventive Practices (From the classroom to the boardroom). More information about me and my work can be found here

See you next week.