Two Immeasurable Things: Healing Power of Love and Destructive Power of Hate ... Part 5/5
Danijela Jerkovi?
Ba.Sci., CA Certified Accountant, CIA Certified Internal Auditor | Managing Director at Danijela Jerkovic's Services
101 Healing Stories For Kids and Teens
Using Metaphors in Therapy
Author: George W. Burns
Creating Your Own Healing Stories for Kids
How Can I Use Metaphors Effectively?
?Explore the sources from which you can build metaphors (where to get your ideas), the steps for planning and presenting your stories (how to build and tell them), and the ways to include parents in the therapeutic process (how to maximize healing benefits).??
POTENTIAL PATHWAYS FOR EFFECTIVE METAPHOR THERAPY
?Build on the Child’s Resources and Positive Experiences
Perhaps the most important information you can gain for working with a child is to learn about his or her resources, interests, skills, and positive experiences. Undoubtedly, if you have spoken with the child’s parents you will have heard about all the problems they see in their child. The child has no doubt heard this, too—many times over. It is likely to have been discussed at length within the family, to the point that the child is fed up with hearing it again and again. To continual of what is wrong with him or her does not necessarily give the child the skills to change and, certainly, does not enhance his or her sense of self-worth.
Material that is likely to engage children, build on their resources, and give them confidence to move forward may be gained from a variety of questions that seek to explore their capabilities, strengths, and potential for making therapeutic gains. Such resource-oriented questions might include the following:
■ What do you do for fun?
■ When do you feel happy?
■ What hobbies do you enjoy?
■ What sports do you play?
■ What books do you like reading?
■ What do you like to watch on TV?
■ What is special about your favorite characters?
■ What are you favorite subjects at school?
■ Who are your closest playmates?
■ Do you have a pet?
Join the Client’s Language
Listen to the language of your young clients. Learn the names and nature of the games they play, discover their favorite TV characters, listen to the ways they communicate with their parents, and hear the language they use in relating conversations with other kids, because joining them in their world—even just a little—can go a long way. One of my passions is travel, and when I travel into a new country I attempt to learn some of the basics of the language, exchange simple greetings, and pick up courtesies, like “thank you.” Though I may be a long way from being fluent, even the process of seeking to join people in their own language and learn a little from them can help break down barriers, establish rapport, and enhance communication. Similarly, with children and adolescents, a small effort to join with the content and style of their communication can make a big impact on their feelings of being valued and being taken seriously. Incorporating that into your metaphors will enhance acceptance of the story, and its therapeutic message
School psychologist Tracey Weatherilt (2003, in personal correspondence), sums up the need to join the individual child with what she calls a “note of warning.” She says,
Depending on the child’s age, cognitive development and maturity, metaphor maybe lost on the child if made too complex or subtle. Although appearing to make an obvious point, metaphors and stories need to be fairly explicit and draw a clear line to the targeted subject or behavior you want to work on with the child. It is also necessary to use material familiar to children. This may mean that therapists need to keep abreast of the trends and popular culture in children’s lives, particularly when working with older children (e.g., popular television shows, computer games, and SMS text messaging language at the various age levels). Using current popular culture concepts and language also increases the likelihood of the therapist building a good connection to the child client.
Use Metaphor to Help Extend the Child
I would rather pitch my story a little beyond the child’s level than run the risk of talking down to the child.
At times I may choose to use words a little beyond the child’s level because I consider that stories are about teaching and healing. They are about expanding knowledge and information. If children can leave my room with a new word, new knowledge, or new skills, whether educational or therapeutic, they are stepping forward. If they go home and tell a parent what they learned about an echidna’s methods of self-protection, they have engaged in a learning process that can be adapted and used to facilitate the movement toward their therapeutic goal.
Metaphors can thus be employed to extend the child and his or her knowledge, helping to
■ capture a child’s attention,
■ stimulate the desire to learn,
■ set an expectation of learning,
■ build anticipation for what may follow,
■ avoid an up-front confrontation with the potentially stressing issue,
■ intrigue the imagination,
■ challenge with new words or knowledge, and
■ expand the child’s basis of information.
Make the Metaphor Memorable
If you can make the story, or aspects of the story, memorable for your young listener you are more likely to make the message of the story memorable as well.
First, simple techniques such as rhyme (e.g., the “zoo poo stew” of Story 66) or alliteration (e.g., in names such as Pollyanna Priscilla Ponsenbury of Story 31, or Wally the Wacky Wizard of Story 74) can facilitate retention.
Second, humor (such as in Story 66, “Taking Responsibility,” Story 74, “Thinking through a Problem,” and Story 80, “Creating a Wish”) can help engage the child in the storytelling process, facilitate rapport between the storyteller and the listener, and deliver an outcome that is both enjoyable and memorable. In addition, Berg and Steiner make the important point that “When you have fun with children, they will learn that they are fun to be around, which will contribute to their sense of well-being as unique individuals” (2003, pp. 13–14).
Third, it is possible to help aid identification with a character by matching the character’s characteristics to can facilitate identification with the character, the problem, the steps to rectify it, and the outcome. Hence you may hear me ask at times, “What would you like to call this character?” (as in Story 13, “Recognizing Your Abilities”).
Fourth, the child may associate more easily with the story if it is grounded in a context relevant to the listener. It may be set in a home, school, or neighborhood that a child can imagine as his or her own. It may be in a place where the child has vacationed (e.g., as in Story 41), some other familiar environment or the environment in which the problem occurs and needs to be resolved.
Fifth, the story is likely to engage the listener and remain memorable if it has elements of interest, intrigue, surprise, or anticipation. It may introduce the unexpected, or come up with a novel twist at the end, such as in Story 23, “See for Yourself,” and Story 25, “Build on What You Are Good At.”
Sixth, use of the five senses helps adds reality and identification. Stories 41 and 42, “Heightening Pleasure,” are specific examples. If you set your story on the beach, hear the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, or the screech of seagulls overhead. Paint the sky blue, the sea green, and the sand yellow. Smell the ocean, taste the salt in the air, feel the coolness of the sea breeze, and describe those sensations in your story.
Seventh, the involvement of emotion adds to the reality of the story, identification with the tale, and a memory of the outcome. Include feelings of anger or love, fear or joy, jealousy or hope, sadness or laughter, for greater memory.
Make the Metaphor Appropriate to the Client
The more a story matches the listener and the listener’s experiences, the easier it is for that person to identify with the story and, consequently, with the outcome. As cognitive processing in childhood tends to be more concrete than in adolescence or adulthood, it helps to make the stories more concrete and more identifiable for the listener, particularly during those younger years. The story therefore, needs to match the listener on several level:
POTENTIAL PITFALLS IN EFFECTIVE METAPHOR THERAPY
Avoid Magic-Outcome Stories
By “magic-outcome stories” I refer to tales that have a problem and an outcome but do not provide the means, processes, skills, or resources to help the child get from one to the other. A number of classic stories, such as Cinderella, have feel-good outcomes but do not show the listener how to reach the outcome.
Some clinician-authors seem to take a different view about the use of magic in metaphor. Linden, for example, says, Magic is a very important metaphor. It is full of surprise and it implies that change can happen (Lankton, 1988). When a child’s sense of him or herself, or of the future, has been destroyed because of some kind of traumatic experience, magic is a very powerful antidote. Children understand magic as a way to make things happen that ordinarily cannot happen. It can give children a sense of outcome and mastery in situations which seem hopeless, and does so with delight and joy. . . . The possibility of magic restores hope. (Linden, 2003a, p. 247)?
The building of hope is certainly an important function of therapy. Seligman’s work (1995, 2002) highlights the value of hope for children and adults in combating depression and creating happiness.
” Hope without the resources to attain it is likely to heighten disappointment and possibly exacerbate the trauma experiences, so I would want to say, “Offer hope, offer outcome, and if magic stories help achieve that, use them—but with them, also offer the means, steps, skills, or processes that the child needs to make them realistic and attainable.” While hope without means may be a false hope, hope with means gives the child replicable resources to facilitate transition and provide empowerment to overcome the problem.
It is, of course, possible to create metaphoric tales that incorporate these processes
Avoid Negative-Outcome Stories
A classic example is the story of the Little Red Hen, who found a grain of wheat and, at each stage of planting, reaping, threshing, milling, and baking, asks the other barnyard animals for help. All the way along, she seems to have an unrealistic expectation that they should help her exactly when and how she wants. The story is full of negativity, with the other creatures answering, “No, not I” whenever the little red hen requests assistance. In the end, when they smell the bread baking, she ends up being equally selfish by denying them a meal. The moral to the story is that if you do not help, you do not get to reap the benefits.
Avoid Using the Stories Exactly as You Have Read Them
If I may offer a suggestion, it is this: Use the stories I have offered as ideas rather than as tales to recite verbatim.
Question the Use of Storytelling for Every Problem
The greater the range of therapeutic tools therapists have available, the better they can serve the needs of any particular client. Metaphor therapy is just one of those tools in the therapist’s tool kit, and it is appropriate to ask on what occasions it may be beneficial and on what occasions it is not.
While metaphors are one—and not the only—way of working, they have a universal appeal that can be incorporated into many therapeutic approaches. It is possible to tell a healing story in a psychodynamic model, a cognitive-behavioral framework, a solution-focused strategy, or any other in the extensive range of therapeutic approaches with which we may work. However, we need to stop and ask whether a story is appropriate, or even necessary, for this particular child. There is, simply, no point in making therapy more difficult or complex than it needs to be.
Because stories have a relatively universal appeal, it is often not a question of whether metaphor therapy is an appropriate intervention so much as what story is an appropriate intervention. If storytelling is not proving to be helpful in therapy, it may not be the storytelling itself but the content and relevance of the tale to the listener. At such times we need to ask ourselves, “Is the character one with whom the child can identify?” “Does the problem addressed sufficiently match that of the child?” “Are the resources being offered relevant for, and doable by, the child?” “Can the child relate, in a useful way, to the outcome?”
Avoid Using Metaphors Like a Medical Prescription
?One story about not enacting suicidal thoughts does not fit all clients. Our stories are likely to be most beneficial if they are directed toward enhancing the things in that individual adolescent’s life that will serve as preventatives to suicide. Is the client feeling suicidal because of the lack of friends? Are these feelings related to conflicts in their relationship with parents? Do they lack self-confidence and self-ffulfillment? Do they have negative, helpless, hopeless, depressive cognitions? Metaphor therapy may be better directed to building those preventative skills rather than just saying, “Don’t do it.” Like any therapeutic intervention, it will be most effective when specifically geared to the needs and objectives of that individual client rather than offered prescriptively on the basis of the defined problem.
Do Not Expect That a Single Story Will Be the Sole Answer
While it may be that a single, well-crafted story will help a child change a significant problem, reach a long-desired conclusion, or find a more appropriate direction in which to be heading, therapy generally is a process.
In other words, the metaphor that seemed to provide significant change was an adjunctive part of a comprehensive therapeutic plan. The single story itself, apart from the permission that Jessica saw in it to change her behavior in the particular situation of my office, was not the total answer to her problem. It did, however, recognize the difficulties she was having and offer an element of hope, and it was a facilitative part of the total therapeutic program.
Where Do I Get the Ideas for Healing Stories??
I do not see myself as a particularly imaginative person, and I do not think a high level of imagination is necessary to be an effective metaphor therapist. I am, however, constantly on the lookout for stories. Like a collector of any object, I collect storybooks as I travel, look for ideas in client cases, read what children are reading, observe the learning experiences of the children in my own life, and ask myself as I do, “How might this be shaped into a healing story for one of the children I am working with at the moment?”
METAPHORS BUILT ON A BASIS OF EVIDENCE
To say to a child, “You need to be more optimistic and less pessimistic in your thinking” may not have a lot of meaning—or a lot of impact—and may even have a negative impact. To quote research data that indicates, “You will handle life better if you think specifically rather than a globally, or if you are more action-oriented and less ruminative” is not likely to bring about the desired cognitive or behavioral changes. However, to wrap the evidence in a story such as the two young dinosaurs or an Everest mountaineer (Story 72) demonstrates the skills and the benefits of those particular styles in a way that makes it easier for the child or adolescent to absorb and adopt.
METAPHORS BUILT ON HEROES
Many contemporary, fictional characters from books and film contain excellent material for use in therapy, as their stories often parallel the movement from problem through solution-seeking actions to outcome
METAPHORS BUILT ON IMAGINATION
I often find that when trainees first begin to work with metaphor therapy, one of the most common concerns is “I don’t have the imagination.” So here is some good news: You don’t have to be an imaginative person to use metaphor therapy. A few artistic, creative people seem to be endowed with this skill, whereas for most of us it comes with patience, persistence and practice. If you have the simple principles for developing a healing story, then it becomes easier to build the characters and story line. While these simple principles will be discussed further in the next chapter, here I would like to illustrate how an “imaginative” healing story can be constructed.
METAPHORS BUILT ON THERAPEUTIC STRATEGIES
Two of the stories that I have developed to illustrate this communication of strategies through metaphor are Chapter 12’s opening metaphors about managing pain, major illness, and the anxieties associated with medical treatment. The strategies behind Story 81, “Blowing Away Pain,” are based on the use of Ericksonian hypnosis approaches with pediatric hematology oncology patients ( Jacobs, Pelier, & Larkin, 1998). They begin by stating:
When children are diagnosed with cancer they are thrust into a world filled with uncertainty. Pain and treatment separates them from the routine of daily living; the possibility of death looms.
Children employ necessary defenses to psychologically negotiate the various stresses of illness, to help them feel more secure while integrating their experience of cancer and healing potentials. (1998, p. 139)
Jacobs, Pelier, and Larkin (1998) explore the question of what we know developmentally about kids and how we can adapt strategies that will access those developmental competencies for managing situations such as life-threatening illness.
Story 82, “Managing Pain: A Teen Story,” is a hero story based on an adolescent client’s favorite sports hero. For the sake of the written story in this book I chose a basketball player, but it could include any game and any athlete. As with all metaphors, it is the therapeutic characteristics of the story rather than the content that matters most. Here, the story again follows the developmental characteristics described by Jacobs, Pelier, and Larkin (1998). The therapeutic strategies incorporated into the story tap into adolescent metaphoric thinking, while seeking to build skills of empowerment, mastery, and pain management.
Le tre piccole principesse | Three Little Princesses in Italian | Fiabe Italiane
METAPHORS BUILT ON AN IDEA
This brief tale communicates an important message about happiness and well-being. We—and our children—are fed many media messages about happiness and how to attain it through the purchase of a particular product. For example, our TV-viewing children are learning that the only way to produce a happy family is to cook on a particular brand of stove, spread your bread with a certain brand of margarine, or wash the family clothes with a designated detergent. Perhaps the story of the happy person who did not have even a shirt to wear helps counterbalance some of these other views children are learning on the subject of happiness. It says that happiness is not to be found in what you own or possess so much as in your attitude of mind and approach to life.
METAPHORS BUILT ON A CHILD’S OWN STORY
Advantages for Using a Child’s Own Story
■ When the child has created the story, he or she is more likely to accept and use the message of the story than one that is seen as being imposed by an adult.
■ If, in creating the story, the child finds a solution or solutions to the problem, then the therapeutic exercise has been successful.
■ If the child is stuck with the problem and doesn’t see the means for reaching a satisfactory outcome, then the therapist can help guide the child toward finding a solution to his or her own story.
■ In working with groups of children or in classroom situations, it is possible to read aloud some of the resulting stories, stopping at the point in each story where the problem has been described and then asking the group to brainstorm solutions: “If you were the character of this story, how would you go about solving the problem? What could you try? What do you think the effects of that might be? What if there are things the character cannot change? What are the best ways to manage the situation then?”
METAPHORS BUILT ON HUMOR
“In teaching, in therapy, you are careful to bring in humor, because patients bring in enough grief,” said Milton Erickson in the context of adult therapy (Zeig, 1980, p. 71). I consider the same applies equally for child and adolescent therapy. Some children go through some pretty rotten experiences that they do not deserve. Humor can help lighten the load and reframe the experience. It is engaging in that it readily captures a listener’s attention. It is intriguing in that it has the ability to hold attention. It is impactful in that it can deliver a potent message enjoyably. Add to this the fact that humor aids the retention of learning and you have a powerful therapeutic medium. To check this out, ask yourself: Of the 100 stories you have read so far, which are the ones that have stayed in the fore of your mind? Where do the humorous ones rate on that list?
METAPHORS BUILT ON CROSS-CULTURAL TALES
领英推荐
All cultures have told stories, and all cultures have told stories specifically for children. While some do not cross cultural boundaries very readily, others are adaptable as therapeutic tales, as I have hoped to illustrate in the above examples. I would encourage that you look out for, and collect, the stories in your own cultural background, and those from other cultures, that may be relevant for the children with whom you are working.
METAPHORS BUILT ON EVERYDAY EXPERIENCES
Life itself is often the best source of healing stories. Our lives are made up of stories, and the stories we tell reflect, and shape, our experience. Even if we shift the characters and context beyond the human, as in stories of imagination, fantasy, and science fiction, the authors of those stories are still human and bound by human experience. Consequently, our stories—no matter how fanciful—speak of life and the many experiences that make up life. In everyday experience there can be a tale to tell— perhaps even a therapeutic tale
GUIDELINES FOR USING PERSONAL LIFE STORIES
A question that is occasionally asked in training workshops on metaphor therapy is, “Is self-disclosure in storytelling a good thing?” In thinking about and answering this question, it seems to me that the therapeutic relationship has two elements. First, the relationship (the noun that defines what happens or exists between therapist and client) is, perhaps, one of the primary factors contributing to successful therapeutic outcome (Miller, Duncan, & Hubble, 1997), and communicating about shared personal experiences is one way we have of relating meaningfully.
Second, that relationship is therapeutic (the adjective that describes it), existing for the benefit of he client. Self-disclosure was a concept that originated from psychodynamic theory with the intent of keeping the therapist’s issues from interfering with the client’s progress—but the therapist’s stories of progress and outcome, equally, can be a beneficial element in the therapeutic process. In other words, I do not see it so much as a question of whether you use personal life experiences but rather how you do so. If it is to discuss your unresolved issues in the therapy session (e.g., by telling a matching story of how you can identify with the client’s problem, but not having a resolution), it may not be helpful. If, on the other hand, the intent and function of telling an outcome-oriented tale is to facilitate the client’s goal attainment, it may well make the relationship therapeutic. Such use of personal life-experience stories should not be an act of disclosure so much as a process of sharing something relevant to the client’s outcome process. These outcome-relevant therapist experiences can be woven into a metaphor in much the same way as a client case, a cultural story, or evidence-based data about a certain condition.
To ensure the effectiveness of using personal life experiences as therapeutic teaching tales, several steps may be helpful to bear in mind: 1. Be mindful of the story’s purpose. Its function is not to disclose something about the therapist but rather to create a beneficial learning experience for the client. 2. Remember for whom the story is intended. It is not your story that matters so much as how children will hear it, adopt it, and employ it for themselves. 3. Keep the goal of the story in mind. A story from your own experience, or indeed from any source, works best if it closely matches the child’s issues and desired outcome. 4. Ensure the story is relevant to the context. Stories of personal experience are more likely to be accepted when they are part of the context of a conversation. 5. Follow the PRO-Approach (see Chap. 16). This will help keep the story on track, addressing the Problems relevant to the child, accessing the Resources appropriate for their resolution, and providing an appropriate Outcome. 6. Observe the child’s responses, carefully. They will tell you if the child is disinterested, distracted, bored, angry, or finding the story irrelevant. 7. Discontinue using personal metaphors (or any others) if not helpful. If your stories do not hold the child’s attention, change your stories, or your whole therapeutic approach. Good therapy is about finding what works, and what works best.
How Do I Plan and Present Healing Stories??
THE PRO-APPROACH
Having explored the various sources that form the bases on which to build therapeutic stories in the last chapter, the next question becomes, “How do you structure those ideas into a metaphor and present it to the child?” Fortunately, the process is not difficult: just three simple steps with which, by now, I hope you are already familiar.
Having defined the outcome, it is easier to ask the question about what resources, abilities, or means your child or adolescent—and, consequently, the character of the metaphor—needs to reach the desired outcome. Focusing on the outcome puts you in a better position to structure a healing metaphor than if you were caught up in the client’s story of seemingly endless problems. In the rest of this chapter I explore how to undertake an outcome-oriented assessment, plan your metaphor, present it to the child or adolescent, adapt it to the client’s responses, and generalize the outcome into real life.
1. MAKE AN OUTCOME-ORIENTED ASSESSMENT
The assessment and treatment of children has unique problems that are not as common in adult therapy. Berg and Steiner (2003) describe children as “involuntary clients” who represent a unique population with unique ethical and consent issues. Most of the children we see are younger than the age of legal consent and, in many cases, are too young to understand the processes of informed consent we may use with an adult client.
How you seek consent will also depend upon whether you operate from an individual, family, or social model of therapy. It is not my intent to get into a debate on the legal, ethical, or philosophical issues about this matter, but rather to point out the concerns and what they mean in the pragmatics of therapy.
Who Sets the Goals?
Answering this question is likely to determine the success or failure of whatever intervention you employ. When a parent, teacher, grandparent, or caregiver leads a reluctant kid, by the hand, into our consulting room, sits him or her down, and proceeds to list off all their problems, what do we see as the goal? Is it what the parent wants the child to do or be, or what the child wants? What if the parent says that a child’s behavior is causing unacceptable sibling conflict or threatening the parents’ marriage, and the child says he or she does not care? What if a child says that, because kids at school are bullying him, he wants to take his father’s gun and shoot them all? Do we listen to the express goal of the client or take a morally, socially responsible stance? And how do we match this with our ethical responsibilities? Exploring the child’s goal in a specific, solution-focused approach with questions (like, “How would you prefer to be feeling about the other kids?” “What things can you do other than taking a gun to school?” “What do you think you can do to help form better relationships with them?”) may differentiate between the actions of the bullying and the perpetrators of those actions, thus highlighting the point that the child’s goal is to cope better with the bullying and relate better with his classmates rather than to kill them. This then becomes a workable therapeutic goal, and balances the goal of the child with the well-being of others.
Take an Outcome-Oriented Approach
This means adopting an approach to therapy that is both future- and goal-oriented, looking in the direction that a child wants to move. Most approaches to metaphor therapy have followed a style that parallels the problem rather than having primary focus on the outcome
Make an Outcome-Oriented Assumption
I acknowledge having a bias in my assumptions about therapy. If parents bring in a child and say, “Johnny is displaying conduct problems,” it is my assumption they are saying, “Show him ways of behaving more appropriately.” If parents bring a teenager in and say, “Mary is anorexic,” it is my assumption they are saying, “Teach her ways of eating better, or feeling better about herself.” This is built on the understanding that the client wants to know more about attainment of the outcome than about having a more intimate knowledge of the problem. Holding such an assumption helps prevent the therapist from getting caught in the child’s or parents’ stories of an unfaltering problem and allows for an clearer perception of how to reach a solution
Examine the Expressed Goal
If a parent says, “I want to know why he or she is behaving this way,” examine that expressed goal. Does the person want an analytical interpretation of the problem (and sometimes an explanation, especially one that dispels parental guilt, may be reassuring) or some practical approaches to resolving the issue?
Shift from Negative to Positive
If a child says, “I don’t want to be frightened any more,” or “I am sick of being bullied all the time,” shift your inquiries—and the child’s focus—into the positive with questions like, “Then how do you want to feel?” or “What will be different when you are handling the bullying better?”
Anticipate the Outcome
When the therapist believes in the child’s ability to reach the outcome, the child is more likely to do so, too. Your positive expectations will have a positive effect on the child’s therapeutic success.
2. PLAN YOUR METAPHORS
What Is the Outcome?
Just as it is said that every story has a beginning, a middle, and end, so we can say that every metaphor has a Problem, Resources, and an Outcome.
What Are the Resources Necessary to Reach the Outcome?
Having defined the therapeutic destination, it is now a matter of planning the resources, skills, or means the child needs to reach the outcome. These are—in the analogy of the road map—the road, the vehicle, the fuel, the driving skills, and the knowledge of the road rules that are necessary to make the journey possible. Here are some steps that may be helpful for tapping into the child’s resources.
Assess the Child’s Existing Abilities
What skills does the child already possess that would help him or her move toward the therapeutic goal? What are the child’s capabilities, and how might these be employed to reach his or her desired outcome? My reason for putting these questions first is that it seems useful, pragmatic, and efficient to use the skills and abilities a child already possesses than to start the arduous task of creating new ones from the beginning.
Find the Exceptions
Look for the times when the child experiences, or partially experiences, the desired behavior. When is the problem absent, or lessened? When is the desired outcome present? What are the exceptions to the rule? Are there times when a young insomniac sleeps well, an elective mute speaks, a drug addict says no to a fix, a depressed child laughs, or a bully shows tenderness?
Build the Necessary Resources
As children are still learning, growing, and developing, each developmental stage adds to the skills necessary for appropriately managing an adult life. Coping with the death of someone close may not be an experience the child has previously encountered and, consequently, he or she may not have learned the appropriate skills of grieving and adjusting. If the necessary skills are not already within that child’s repertoire then it may be appropriate to ask, what is missing? What does the child need that he or she hasn’t yet acquired, and how can we help teach those skills in the therapeutic context?
Create New Possibilities
Therapy needs to be aimed at opening opportunities for new learning. By building resources, metaphor therapy creates new learning experiences at cognitive, emotional, and behavioral levels. Such stories provide the opportunity to experience something that the listener has not yet experienced, and show ways that experience can be managed, or even enjoyed
What is the Problem?
Once you have defined the outcome of the story and the means or resources needed to reach the outcome, then you can ask, “What is a problem with which the child might identify?” In our analogy of the outcome being the destination on a map and the resources the various means for getting there, the problem represents the challenges to your departure: getting time off work, affording the accommodations, deciding what to take, and so on. Once you have defined the outcome, and explored the resources necessary to reach that outcome, it is easier to ask what matching problem will engage the child, and move the story toward its therapeutic goal.
Who Is the Character?
“What character or characters will best communicate these therapeutic messages to the child?”
In the character you need a figure that can represent the problem, has the ability to build on existing resources (or develop new ones), and can reach the desired outcome. Given these three basic requirements, you have considerable choice.
While the character is not the essence of the healing story, it is an important vehicle for communicating the story in a way that involves the child in the process and outcome. Hence, the character can change to best suit and engage the listener.
3. PRESENT YOUR METAPHORS
If there is a basic, simple suggestion for working with metaphors, it is this: Plan from the Outcome, and present from the Problem. When I am structuring a metaphor in my mind during a therapy session, jotting it down on paper for the next therapy session, or thinking about it as I drive to work, I plan the Outcome first, the Resources second, and the Problem last. As I tell it to the child, however, I begin with the Problem, follow with the Resources that the character develops and utilizes, and conclude with the Outcome.
Present the Problem
The purpose of this stage of the metaphor is to engage the young listener in a search for identification and meaning, a process the literature describes as a search phenomenon in which the listener may ask, “How does this story relate to me?” and begin to seek the personal relevance of the tale
Describe and Develop the Resources
In this part of the story the child is guided through ways to access the abilities he or she already has, reactivate past skills, build on the exceptions to the problem, or develop new means to overcome the challenge—the resources you have decided on in the planning stage. The character, like the listener, may try ways of managing an old problem and fail, discover exceptions to what he or she had come to think of as the rules, or try new approaches and strategies. It is a stage in which the character comes to acknowledge, be aware of, and utilize the tools that he or she has available. It is also a process of discovery, finding how to make use of the available resources, learning not just what the tools are but how to employ them in a practical and helpful way. Here the child is assisted to develop useful processes of adaptation, change, learning, and discovery that will guide them toward a satisfactory outcome.
Offer an Outcome The final step in telling the tale is the attainment of the specific therapeutic goals that have been negotiating in the Outcome-Oriented Assessment.
At the end, the character discovers what it feels like to reach his or her objective. He may feel confident in just making one small step toward what had previously seemed an unobtainable objective. She may discover what differences it makes to the ways that she is thinking, feeling, and doing things. He might look forward to replicating those experiences again in the future so that the outcome is not just a one-time achievement. Or she may simply enjoy the process of learning and discovering. We need to be mindful that our young listeners may not necessarily interpret the story in the way in which we had intended it to be heard. They may project a meaning into the story that we, the therapist, had not necessarily intended to communicate. If this is the case, it is important to work with the interpretation the child derives from the story, for that may have greater impact and meaning than the message we had planned. In our storytelling we need to be flexible enough to build on the child’s meanings in a way that constructively helps that child move toward the desired therapeutic goal.
4. STOP, LOOK, AND LISTEN
If signs of distraction are present, it is usually a good indication that a child is not engaged in the therapeutic process, or has not identified with the story and, as a result, your words may be falling on deaf ears. Part of the art of good storytelling is the flexibility to adapt and adjust to the needs of the listener and the situation with questions to yourself, like, do I incorporate the child’s behavior into the story and have the character reflect the distraction that the child is experiencing? Do I change the story in an attempt to engage the child more? Do I stop and ask the child, if he were the character, what he might do at this point of the story? Do I change the character or problem to better match the interests, hobbies, or sporting activities of my listener? These are the type of questions that will help keep your story relevant and the outcome beneficial. So in saying “stop, look, and listen,” I want to emphasize the value of taking a mental pause in your storytelling to observe what is happening for your listener, then adapt and adjust your tale, if necessary, for the effectiveness of the story and benefit of the listener.
5. GROUND THE STORY IN REALITY
If you can build the story in the reality of your child’s experience it helps to confirm the message and outcome of the story. If your story incorporates a character children may see on TV, is set in a suburb like their own, relates to a sport that they play, or tells of characters similar to their friends, then every time they engage in or interact with those variables there is a reminder of the story and its outcome.
Teaching Parents to Use Healing Stories?
STORIES FOR PARENTS AND PARENTING
While most parents approach the role of parenting with good intentions and the best desires for their children, not all have learned, or had appropriate role models in, effective parenting skills.
“A wealth of research has shown links between parenting style and child behaviour, and the development of conduct problems in young children”
SOME VALUES OF TEACHING PARENTS TO USE METAPHORS
Yapko laments that “Storytelling seems to have become an art on the decline” (2003, p. 322). He adds that television has so saturated our society that we have become passive viewers of experience and that interactions with people have diminished as we spend more time “talking” to computers. Apart from this concern that the personal, interactive art of storytelling is being lost, I have an added concern that the content or nature of the stories children hear is also changing. Many computer games are based on stories of violence and aggression, while many television programs—even cartoons— tell tales of war, murder, violence, and disturbed relationships. They are based on a principle of entertainment rather than on the traditional principles of using stories to communicate values and essential life skills.?
Enhancing Parent-Child Relationships
At the beginning of this book we looked at the intimacy of the relationship formed when a grandparent sits a child on his or her lap and reads a story, or when a parent sits by a child’s bedside at night to tell a tale that may precede a restful slumber. In such situations, there is a special bonding, closeness, and intimacy that exist between teller and listener.
By inviting parents to story-tell, you are indirectly encouraging a process for enhancing the parent-child relationship.
Learning from the Main Teachers
Usually, parents are the main teachers in a young child’s life. In general, they are the ones who are there from birth, the ones who spend the most time with the child, and the ones who provide the role model for how to behave, interact, and respond to life’s various situations. They communicate stories, in words and behaviors, that will teach the child about values, problem-solving, relationships, and other necessary life skills—whether helpful or not. I have long considered the most important role in life as that of being a parent, of educating our children, for this determines their future—and, indeed, the future of the world. If we are to help educate parents in effective ways of communicating the values they want to offer their children, the methods for coping with various life challenges, or the skills for enjoying a happy existence, we would do well to teach them the strategies for effective storytelling. In this way children can learn from the key teachers of their lives, the people who are primarily responsible for their upbringing and for equipping them with the skills necessary for life’s journey.
Creating Quality Time
In the role of parenthood it is easy to get caught up in all of life’s day-to-day responsibilities and demands: time and stresses of work, mortgage repayments, demands of looking after a household, and so on
Communicating Effectively
Some years back I used to run parents’ and children’s groups in effective parenting skills. When I asked parents and children separately what changes they thought would help improve the parent-child relationship, the answer was almost universal.
Communicating with stories may avoid the problem of parents’ lecturing, preaching, or nagging. Certainly, there are times when direct and clear communications are desirable, such as if your child is about to step into the road in front of a bus
Encouraging Desired Behaviors
Another value for communicating with therapeutically crafted stories is that, in the process, they teach children patterns of behavior and skills that are, hopefully, useful for their maturation. Storytelling is not authoritarian and thus enables a greater feeling of equality in the relationship. The child is not being told what to think, feel, or do but is encouraged to think independently. An opportunity is available to his or her own ideas and attitudes. Metaphoric stories, thus, help foster greater problem-solving and decision-making skills. What is the character going to do? How is she or he going to solve this problem? Will this approach or that approach work best? What are the likely outcomes?
Learning with Enjoyment
Storytelling can contribute to those educational characteristics, creating a pleasant learning experience for both parent and child. It has the potential to be a joyful, humorous, fun process for relating and learning,
Step 1: Find the Outcome for the Story
Step 2: Plan the Story
Step 3: Present the Story
Step 4: Stop, Look, and Listen
HELPING PARENTS BUILD STORYTELLING SKILLS
... AND THE STORY CONTINUES
Life is rich with stories: stories in theater, stories in books, stories in families, stories in our clients, stories in our experience . . . stories in life itself.
If there remains just one more thing to say, it is something I hope has been underlying all that you have read so far. It is: Enjoy. Enjoy the process of searching for, reading, and collecting story ideas. Enjoy the preparation, planning, and presenting of your own healing stories. Enjoy observing the benefits of using stories in teaching and therapy. Enjoy the outcomes of your work and, above all, enjoy the children and adolescents with whom you work. They can relate in fun ways and, for those who may have lost some of the skills to do so, you can model warm, loving, playful, fun interactions for them through your own enjoyment.
STORY 101: Will You Be My Teacher?
Once upon a time there was a storyteller, a very famous storyteller but also a very sad storyteller, for he had lost his story. No longer could he wander from village to village entertaining and informing people, and so he climbed a solitary hill, sat on a rock, and stared miserably at his feet. Now, the hill that he picked was not as solitary as he had thought. It was the summer field for a herd of grazing goats that were tended by a young girl who recognized the sad storyteller sitting on a rock and staring miserably at his feet. She had sat at his feet in the village square, listening to his entrancing tales. Now she walked up and asked, kindly, “You look so sad, Mr. Storyteller. What’s wrong?”
“I have lost my story,” came the dejected reply. “How could you lose a story?” asked the incredulous girl. She could see how it might be possible to lose a goat or a school bag, but then she remembered how there were jokes she heard at school from time to time and had forgotten by the time she got home. “My master taught me all his stories,” answered the storyteller, his eyes still absently studying the ground at his feet, “and I diligently learned them all, every one, word for word. The villagers have heard them all now and want something new, but I have nothing new to tell them. I don’t have a story of my own.” “What are you looking at?” asked the girl as if ignoring what the storyteller had said. “Nothing,” was the sad reply.
“Before your eyes, I see a glistening blade of grass existing in the dry summer ground,” she commented. “Have you wondered what story it may have to tell? How it began life as a seed cast on the ground, not knowing whether it would survive or thrive, powerless to control the rain and sunshine it needed to live. Its roots had to search to find pathways into the harsh soil, its blade reached up for the light of the sun, and it never gave up doing what it did best. Even if one of my goats ate it back, it would not give up but grow to feed another goat on another day. In fact, as you watch it—though it may be too subtle to see—it continues to grow before your eyes. It, in turn, will cast a seed, perhaps like storytellers do, that will grow into another blade to continue not only its own life but the life it gives to my goats and the life they, in turn, give to my family.”
The storyteller looked at the blade as if, though he had been staring at it before, he now saw it for the first time. “What else do you see?” she asked. The storyteller lifted his head to see in front of him a long-horned goat whose old yellow eyes looked curiously into his own. “Nothing but this scrawny old goat,” he said. “Even this scrawny old goat has a story to tell. She was the first one my poor parents worked hard, and saved carefully, to buy. She has produced most of this herd that you see now, yet her life has not been easy. She has fought bravely against foxes but still has seen some of her kids stolen and eaten. She has lived through droughts when others animals were dying. She has freely shared her milk with us to drink, sell, and use to make cheese, becoming as close a friend to our family as any human. With thanks to her, we—and she—can now live comfortably.?
“And what are you feeling?” asked the young goatherd, again seeming to change the subject. “Eh, nothing,” responded the storyteller a little less confidently, at first sure he felt nothing except his sadness but then wondering if he could feel the firmness of the rock on which he sat. Might the rock have a story to tell of strength, stability, and endurance? he found himself asking. If he thought about it, perhaps he could feel the warmth of the summer sun. Might the sun have its story of nurturing, of bringing light into darkness, or of giving life to the planet? Yes, he could feel the caress of the breeze. What a mischievous tale of fickle moods the wind could weave with its gentle power to assist boats across oceans and its howling hurricanes that destroy homes. What could it tell of balancing moods, being responsible for actions, or doing good instead of evil?
The girl saw from the look in the storyteller’s eyes that she needn’t ask any more questions. Waving her arms in a big circle that seemed to encompass the whole of the universe, she said, “Everything, everyone, has their own story.” My story of today began in a valley of despair, thought the storyteller, looking down the hill. I traversed new territory, climbing steep slopes and outcrops of rocks, seeking solitude, only to find a pupil who helped me to open my eyes and stand on a summit of hope. Looking toward the young goatherd, the storyteller asked, “Will you continue to be my teacher?”?
Il principe ranocchio | Storie Per Bambini | Favole Per Bambini | Fiabe Italiane
Book Availability Thanks to:
And....