Two essential ideas to get their homework done

So, the school holidays are over, and school is back. This is great news for parents who have been trying to amuse their children for the last two months in these times of Omicron and cancelled activities.?

But the news is not all good. Children will once again be getting homework. And homework is one of those activities that can cause a whole bunch of problems.

To help families get on top of it, I want to parents to think about a different way of approaching it this year. At the core of my advice is going to be two essential notions – motivation and consequences.

Motivation

One of the biggest changes in parenting is the effort that many parents make to ensure their child has an outstanding education. It’s certainly admirable, but there’s often trouble. When parents put in enormous effort, they sometimes expect that their child will be extremely appreciative of the opportunities provided. Thus, many parents expect that their child will be very eager to do their schoolwork to the very best of their ability.??

Unfortunately, it’s only a few children who will come home keen to start their homework. Most will need to be reminded to start. Some parents might have to get to the point of yelling repeatedly or making threats of removing fun things on the weekend. And regardless of how many lectures given to children on the fact they should want to work hard, it’s just not going to happen.

So, forget internal motivation. You need to provide clear, external motivation, such as routines and rewards. Ideally, set up a situation when they must have done their homework to get access to any fun, such as gaming, outside play or access to the TV.

Set up the new rule by saying that you are not going to remind them over and over anymore. Tell them that they will need to have done their homework first. Then they can they ask you to turn on a screen, and you’ll allow it if they have done what they need to.?

You can do some random checks that they have done what they needed, although stop this in the high school years. Once you have set up the proper routines, you should then move into the next stage.?

Consequences

One of the key elements of growing up is accepting that choices have consequences. Sure, your child might choose not to do their homework in the routine you have set out. But by making that choice, they need to accept the consequence of not getting to do the fun things.?

Don’t waver on this. Unless they do the hard work, then they don’t get the reward.

But the consequence of their choice may not only be delivered at home. Your child’s school is likely to be one that gives penalties for not doing homework. Thus, your child is also going to experience some cost at school, such as being kept in at lunchtime to complete their homework or receiving a Friday detention.

Children should also start to experience the consequence of their choice to put insufficient effort into their work. If they have raced through their homework, or only worked on their assignment at the very last minute, then they need to the experience the outcome of not doing too well.

I understand parents will want to protect them from this, but resist. It’s good for them to get little bit of ego depletion with a lower result or the sting of a detention. This might make them work harder and be more organised in their work. And that will mean a lot more harmony in your home.

Takeaway for parents

The new system depends on a few key factors.

·??????You need to oversee controlling the fun stuff. Ideally, your child should need to ask you to turn on TV or play a video game.

·??????Tell them the new rule and explain that they are now a year older. At this age, they shouldn’t need to be regularly reminded of their responsibilities.

·??????Mention that the new system should involve fewer fights about homework – that’s good for everyone.

·??????Tell older children that you won’t protect them, and you’ll support the school if they give your child a consequence for their slackness.

? Judith Locke

This column appeared in the?Sunday Mail?on 13.02.22. Subscribe to the Courier Mail to get access to my column every week. Find more sensible parenting advice in my book,?The Bonsai Child: Why modern parenting limits children and practical strategies to turn it around??or, my latest book,??The Bonsai Student: Why Modern parenting limits children’s potential and practical strategies to turn it around??or have me come to your school to talk to parents and teachers about enhancing child resilience and wellbeing. Contact me?here.