The Two Causes of Low Self-Worth Dialogue

Gary E Stevensen tells the story-?

“Years ago, I arrived home from work and was startled to see white paint splattered everywhere—on the ground, the garage door, and our red-brick house. I inspected the scene more closely and discovered the paint was still wet. A trail of paint led toward the backyard, and so I followed it. There, I found my five-year-old son with a paintbrush in his hand, chasing our dog. Our beautiful black Labrador was splattered almost half white!

“What are you doing?” I asked in an animated voice.

My son stopped, looked at me, looked at the dog, looked at the paintbrush dripping with paint, and said, “I just want him to look like the black-spotted dogs in the movie—you know, the one with 101 Dalmatians.”

“…our young son had a beautiful dog as a pet; notwithstanding, he grabbed a gallon of paint and, with paintbrush in hand, determined to create his own imagined reality. With an application of paint, you can turn a Labrador into a Dalmatian!”

There are two important messages in this story-- that in my opinion and experience, are creating a silent internal self-worth crisis, for millions of entrepreneurs and leaders.

?It shows up in the contrast of two things:

One beautiful (look at his son's imagination-- how he sees opportunities, how he goes after them--no limitations) and the other more dangerous-- ones that we face as adults:? subconscious unrealistic expectations and comparison—I can change the dog (my self-worth) with “paint” and black Labradors are not as "good" as Dalmatians, (what and who I am is not enough).??

Suddenly, it wasn't enough to have a black Labrador in the family-- he needed a Dalmatian.?

He needed that extra sense of being "better" or our family being "better."

It strikes me:

Chasing self-worth is often an empty-results exercise driven by subconscious deception.

Why? Because the number one and two causes of low self-worth are unmet, unrealistic expectations and comparison. Both lead to empty results, and a low self-worth spiral. When the brighter future is driven by expectations that lead to chasing self-worth, we will end up empty.??If we seek self-worth through results, we are vulnerable to subconscious deception.

?We don’t know if this boy was disappointed in their black Labrador remaining a black Labrador—or if his dad was able to help him understand that his own self-worth is unrelated to the fact that he has a black Labrador not a Dalmatian as a pet.

But I do know how those conversations often go in business: If you're unhappy and question your worth at 2M in revenue because you expected to hit 4m, you're going to also be unhappy at 4M.? Changing outcomes is not going to solve the issue of self-worth.??

Therefore, our work isn't to change outcomes—our work is to change patterns of thinking that make us susceptible to desire different outcomes as a matter of self-worth, not as a matter of contribution.

If self-worth dialogue is impacting you or your team let’s talk.

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