'Twas the Night Before Christmas MSP Style

‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the Medical Staff Office,

The emergency privilege requests were arriving, without a sign of relief.

The stockings were hung by the snack tray with care,

In a way that infection control staff wouldn’t dare.

The providers were nestled all snug in their lounge chairs,

While visions of early dismissal danced in their heads.

My comrade in his Grinch shirt and I in my festive Christmas top

Had just sat down, for the day ‘twas non-stop.

When suddenly from the CEO office arose such a clatter,

I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.

Out the office door I raced in a flash,

Grabbing the accreditation manual and the bylaws in a dash.

The hallways were decorated with gingerbread houses and fake snow,

Giving the custodial heartbreak wondering how the floors will return to their glow.

The chief of staff arrived with the CD in tow,

And screamed Saint Nick is here and wants privileges!

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a man in a Santa suit with his application in hand!

He wore a red suit, had a beard, and black boots,

He showed his government issued photo ID,

Then his medical license, training, and education.

And he whistled, and delineated out his privileges by name:

“Now! H&P, grant! Identify, grant Diagnose, and Prescribe,

"Grant! Evaluate, Grant! Treat, Grant! Admit and Follow and Refer;

"To the top of the ceiling! To the end of the hall!

"Now grant away! Grant away! Grant away all!"

As malpractice history, affiliations and peer references were sent

It’s these requirements of a complete application that torment!

So on to the phone lines did I fly,

Begging everything short of a bribe, did I cry.

With all the other verifications complete, I waited,

Then in a twinkling of an eye, I heard from MD-Staff

The dinging of each pronto coming through less than time and a half!

As I prepared the file, and was turning around,

Down the hall doctor St. Nick came with a bound.

He was dress’d all in scrubs, from this head to his foot,

And his scrubs were all tarnish’d with ashes and soot;

Infection Control was chasing him down

And it look’d like there was about to be a big crackdown.

His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples how merry,

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;

His appearance was stunning,

his bed side manner appealing.

Dr. St. Nick had a broad face, and a little round belly

That shook when he laugh’d like a petroleum jelly

He was chubby and plump, holding a glucose stick and

I laugh’d when I realized I just credentialed St. Nick!

The file was complete and Virtual Committee was sent

I begin to look for approvals to meet the percent.

As he stood there tapping his foot, waiting for approval,

The café staff saved the day and came by with free apple streusel.

With the help of Virtual Committee, the Governing Body signed quickly,

So off I flew to give the Chief of Staff and CD the good news, but

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head

I soon realized I had everything to dread

Because I heard him exclaim, as he left down the hall

Forget privileges you all, Santa’s going AWOL!

- Written and shared by CAPT (Ret.) Dione Harjo, MPH, CPCS