'Twas the Night Before Christmas (Legally Speaking)

'Twas the Night Before Christmas 

(Legally Speaking)

 Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, (hereinafter defined as “the Evening of the 24th December”), there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (herein after referred to as “the House”), a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein and thereon, including, without prejudice to the generality of the foregoing, a mouse.

 A variety of foot apparel, e.g., a stocking, socks, etc., had been fixed by and around the Chimney in the said House in the hope and or belief that St. Nic, a.k.a. St. Nicolas, a.k.a. Santa Claus, (hereinafter referred to as “Claus”), would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The infant residents, (as defined by the Age of Majority Act), i.e., the children resident in the House, were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein visions of confectionary treats, including, without prejudice to the generality of the forgoing, but not limited to, candles, nuts and/or sugar plumbs, they did dance, cavort or otherwise appear in the said dreams.

 Whereupon the Party of the First Part, (sometimes hereinafter referred to as “I”), being the joint owner in fee simple of the House with the Party of the Second Part, (hereinafter referred to as “Mama”), and said Mama had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the Party of the First Part and the Party of the Second Part were clad in various items of head gear, e.g. kerchief and cap).

Suddenly and without prior announcement, forewarning or notice, there did appear upon the unimproved real property adjacent to and appurtenant to the House, i.e., the piece of ground commonly referred to as “the Lawn”, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and or circumstance, hereinafter referred to as “the Disturbance”. The Party of the First Party then immediately rushed to a window in the House to investigate the cause of the said Disturbance.

At that time, the Party of the First Part did observe, with some degree of wonder and or disbelief, a miniature sleigh, (hereinafter referred to as “the Vehicle”, said vehicle not being mechanically propelled vehicle within the meaning of the Road Traffic Acts), being pulled and or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) deer who on inspection appeared to be reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referred Claus.

The said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight in number reindeer (8) and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:- Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen, (hereinafter collectively referred to as “the Reindeer”). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named “Rudolf” may have been involved).

The Party of the First Part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Reindeer intentionally and wilfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys, and or other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, and without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the Chimney.

The said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the Chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations, and / or statutory requirements.

Claus did not speak but immediately began to fill the stocking of the infant children, which hung adjacent to the Chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however constitute “gifts” to the said minors pursuant to the applicable provisions of the Capital Gains Tax Acts).

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose, and or ascended up the Chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and the Reindeer waited and or served as “look outs”. Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, the Reindeer and Claus from the said House, the Party of the First Part did hear Claus state and or exclaim:

 “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”,…………or words to similar effect.

DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to 'Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore is entirely co-incidental and unintended, and no action at law shall lie from the publication hereof, or the dissemination thereof.