Turning Points for the Second Half

Mid-career and midlife hold many turning points that require an open mindset to change and refocus. So how do we best manage those times? Especially if we aim to make our second half of life even better than our first? This is a hot topic right now for not only many entrepreneurial businesses, but for relationships and individuals.

This article is based on the podcast interview with Dr. Charlynn Ruan , a clinical Psychologist and founder of a large group practice. She is an expert in mediation and mindfulness-based treatments. Transitions in the halftime of life affect both men and women and we uncover some of the myths and facts as we all enter the second half of life to have the healthiest relationships possible with adult kids, partners, parents, and friends. We cover mindset, habits, triggers, shame and leaning in to the hard things.

Mindset is Pivotal in Facing Change

As individuals approach the second half of life, their mindset becomes increasingly pivotal in navigating the challenges that arise. This stage often brings about significant changes, such as the realization that children are growing up or careers are winding down. These transitions can lead to a range of mental health challenges, particularly for men, who statistically have worse mental health outcomes due to societal pressures and reluctance to seek help. The feelings of shame and isolation can be profound, and it's important to recognize that these struggles are not unique but shared by many.

One of the key issues highlighted is the misconception that mental health is solely an individual problem. In reality, mental health is deeply interconnected with all aspects of a person's life. While there is greater awareness around mental health today, fueled by social media and broader societal conversations, this has also led to a superficial understanding of the complexities involved. Labels and diagnoses are often used casually, which can prevent people from truly understanding their experiences and diving deep into the personal work needed for genuine change.?

To effectively navigate the second half of life, it's essential to adopt a mindset that fosters personal growth and understanding. This involves moving beyond the surface-level engagement with self-help resources and being willing to put in the hard work to shift perspectives and make meaningful changes. Only by addressing these mental and emotional challenges head-on can individuals create a fulfilling and balanced life in the years to come. Hero Mountain Summit is an intensive online mentorship course that helps with this journey.

Forming New Habits for Lasting Change

Facing change in life, especially during significant transitions, requires more than just knowledge; it demands the formation of new habits and an understanding of how the brain works. Many people struggle with a victim mentality, believing that their circumstances are fixed and unchangeable. However, real change begins when individuals make a conscious decision to do the work necessary to transform their habits and mindset. Without this commitment, no amount of self-help advice or inspirational quotes will lead to lasting improvement. It's crucial to note that the kind of help you seek matters. TikTok and social media memes aren't reliable self-help resources, and unfortunately, many people turn to these platforms for comfort and validation. However, these sources often offer only a temporary fix, not a lasting solution.?

The brain has a natural tendency to resist change, often clinging to familiar patterns even when they are no longer beneficial. Many individuals increasingly rely on labels and diagnoses, sometimes using them as excuses to avoid the hard work of personal growth. Understanding that conditions like anxiety or trauma are not destinies but rather challenges to be addressed is crucial. The true transformation happens when individuals move beyond passive consumption of information and engage in active, intentional practice to reshape their habits and thought patterns.?

Creating lasting change also requires recognizing the importance of community and connection. The brain, being wired for social interaction, thrives when individuals are supported by others. This collective support helps people to see their blind spots and encourages them to step out of their comfort zones. This is not always a comfortable process as revelations through these conversations can be difficult. Ultimately, while the internet and self-help resources provide valuable information, they cannot replace the deep, personal work required to create new habits and embrace change effectively.

Understanding Triggers and Shame

Breaking negative patterns often requires a combination of prevention, communication, and addressing the shame that underlies many harmful habits. One key approach is prevention, which starts by recognizing and understanding the triggers that lead to negative behaviors. Journaling through this process is a way to document patterns and feelings that occur and can reveal blind spots. See the book: Power of Habit

Effective communication is another crucial element in breaking patterns, particularly when it comes to seeking help. Having open and honest conversations about your struggles can be incredibly freeing and provide you with the support you need to make lasting changes. It’s important to recognize that shame often keeps people from reaching out, making them feel isolated and powerless. However, talking with trusted individuals, whether they are friends, mentors, or professionals, can provide valuable insights and new perspectives. These conversations help you confront the issues at hand and can reveal blind spots that you might not be able to see on your own.

Addressing the role of shame is essential in overcoming destructive habits. Shame can make you feel like your behavior is a moral failing, which only reinforces the negative cycle. However, by reframing your habits as well-worn paths in your brain rather than personal defects, you can begin to dismantle the shame associated with them. Understanding that habits are simply automatic processes helps you approach change from a place of self-compassion rather than self-criticism. Working with professionals, especially when trauma is involved, can be particularly beneficial in this process, as they can guide you through techniques to heal and rebuild healthier patterns, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life.

Application: Be open to honest conversations with both a listening ear and willingness to communicate. Focus on self-compassion rather than self-criticism

Sports Psychology and Mindset

Dr. Ruan emphasizes the importance of sports psychology principles in both athletic and business contexts, highlighting how mental strategies such as visualization, meditation, and mindset management are crucial for high performance. She discusses how these techniques can be transferred from sports to business, where the pressures are similar, but often less openly discussed until later stages, such as in autobiographies.

Michael Phelps , the most decorated Olympian of all time with 23 gold medals, incorporated visualization into his training routine from a young age, mentally rehearsing his races down to the smallest detail. This technique allowed him to remain calm and focused under pressure, even when unexpected challenges arose, such as his goggles filling with water during the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Phelps also practiced meditation, which helped him manage stress and maintain a resilient mindset throughout his career, particularly during the intense periods of training and competition. His commitment to these mental strategies contributed significantly to his consistent success and ability to perform at the highest level for nearly two decades. This is documented in his book, No Limits: The Will to Succeed.

For Dr. Ruan, helping clients manage their nervous system and mental processes is key to achieving consistent success and resilience, whether in sports or business.

In addition to sports psychology, Dr. Ruan touches on the impact of hormonal changes on mental health, particularly in women during perimenopause and menopause. She stresses that these changes can start earlier than many realize, affecting mood, energy, and overall well-being. Recognizing and addressing these shifts is crucial, not just for physical health, but for maintaining mental and emotional stability. Dr. Ruan also points out that both men and women experience hormonal changes as they age, but these are often less understood and acknowledged, especially in men. Her approach is holistic, encouraging individuals to be proactive in understanding and managing these natural life stages to ensure long-term happiness and fulfillment.

Application: be proactive in understanding and managing hormonal changes, especially relating to mindset.

Lean Into the Hard Things

When we face challenges, whether in our personal lives or relationships, these difficulties serve as stimuli that push us to develop and evolve. Avoiding these challenges, whether through denial, silence, or shrinking our world to maintain an illusion uninfluenced by external forces, only hinders our growth. Embracing and confronting the uncomfortable realities of life, particularly in intimate relationships, allows us to cultivate deeper connections and a more fulfilling life. Dr. Stephen Craig wrote a timeless book The 6 Husbands Every Wife Should Have: How Couples Who Change Together Stay Together about evolving relationships. One of the key examples discussed in the book is the transition from the "Young Husband" to the "Mature Husband." In this phase, the relationship shifts from the excitement and passion of early marriage to a focus on deeper connection, shared responsibilities, and mutual growth. Dr. Craig emphasizes the importance of adaptability and communication, helping couples to navigate these changes successfully, allowing their relationship to thrive through different stages of life.

This mindset is particularly important in long-term relationships, where the quality of the connection can significantly impact life satisfaction, especially as we age. The idea that certain aspects of life, like sexual intimacy, naturally diminish with age is a myth that often stems from avoidance and a lack of effort. Just like anything else in life, maintaining a healthy relationship, including a fulfilling sex life, requires ongoing effort and prioritization. Relationships thrive when both partners are committed to growing together, communicating openly, and supporting each other through life's changes.?

Application?

Lean into the hard things" is a guiding principle that encourages embracing challenges as opportunities for growth, particularly in the second half of life. As we face turning points—whether they are career changes, personal losses, or health issues—developing a healthy mindset becomes crucial. This involves viewing difficulties not as setbacks but as essential steps toward personal transformation. Cultivating disciplined habits, such as regular self-reflection, consistent exercise, or learning new skills, helps build resilience and keeps us focused on long-term goals. Commitment to these habits and a positive mindset enables us to navigate life’s transitions with confidence, leading to successful and fulfilling changes that define the next chapter of our lives.

Additional Sources

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, PhD

Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

The 6 Husbands Every Wife Should Have: How Couples Who Change Together Stay Together by Dr. Stephen Craig

Thrive Psychology online therapy for the modern woman in over 42 states.

Guest

Dr. Charlynn Ruan is a Clinical Psychologist and the founder of a large group practice, Thrive Psychology Group. As a Psychologist and a founder/CEO, she works extensively with female founders and CEOs. Dr. Ruan is an expert in women's mental health including trauma recovery and post-traumatic growth, women’s empowerment and peak performance, fertility treatments, pregnancy, motherhood, the mental health impact of perimenopause and menopause, stress management and reduction, optimal performance, overcoming shame, self-esteem, boundary development, and personal growth and development.

The Host

DEBORAH JOHNSON, M.A. has 25+ years working as an entertainer, composer, producer, author and speaker. Her keynote, "The Hero Inside" stirs audiences to not settle for merely playing as an accompanist to their dreams. Rather, it is to call upon everything they have inside to be soloist & center stage in pursuing & accomplishing their dreams and potential. This can include pursuing a new avenue or expanding on a current area of business, especially at mid-career or the halftime of life. Get more free downloads & links at: DJWorks . Websites: DeborahJohnsonSpeaker.com ; GoalsForYourLife.com ; DJWorksMusic.com