Turning the Mirror

Getting past "I, me, mine"

I was reminded this week, in conversation about the leadership and inner growth retreats I create and run, that the biggest difference between the work I do and the more typical leadership development folks experience through corporate structures, is that my training and focus is on the somatic integration of what you learn. You don’t just access knowledge: you live it. It becomes part of the fibre of your being. Knowledge only becomes wisdom when it lives inside you.

It’s been just over a week since I left a retreat in Mount Shasta, California and stepped back into “normal life“.

I can still feel the land in my heart and bones, tap into the quiet hush of the creek and the warmth in my body as I lay and drifted in a tiny cedar shelter I?happened upon in my wanderings. I can feel the aliveness of plunging into the mountain-fed creek, my heart cracked wide-open through drumming and singing, ceremony and connection with people I love beyond words: connection with the trees and the land, with myself, with spirit, with all beings.

While so many of us have been taught to constantly seek new information—more data, more proof, tips, tricks, frameworks that will give us an edge, give us more than our peers and competitors—what I have learned through my training and experiences is that I don’t make the best decisions based solely on the data and information other people provide me with. Wisdom resides inside me. The key is to get quiet enough to truly hear, listen, and move from that quiet place.

This can be astonishingly difficult when your mind is accustomed to constantly narrating everything. The inner conversation can be relentless. It’s also usually self-focused. It’s difficult to feel a deep connection to purpose when I’m still making it all about “How do I look?”, “What’s in it for me?”, “What’s my legacy?”.

The breakthrough is cresting the hill from image and identity formation— from ”I, me, mine”— to service and elderhood.

You don’t get to choose when other people see you as an elder. Yet the shift to, as my teacher Teo Alfero calls it, "the turning of the mirror," brings extraordinary freedom alongside the call to service. There is great joy, wonder and fulfillment in helping others to wake up, to live impeccably, and dream their lives consciously and in connection. What’s?out there?is crisp and vivid when it’s no longer run through the filter of “how does it make me look?”.

In my return to “normal life” I’ve also noticed how easy it is to fall back into self-focus. It is how most people live their lives after all.?The behaviour of the collective in North America is self-focused and immature. It’s focused on output and productivity as markers of how successful “I” am. Personal wealth and success are lauded as the pinnacle. We don’t do things unless there’s “something in it for me”.

The big joke is that when you shift your focus and attention to service, to the dream that wants to live through you rather than on how you personally can get ahead, you tend to be more productive and feel more fulfilled than ever. You get more impactful and meaningful work done when it’s no longer about you.

Working with high achieving leaders in startups and tech, one of the biggest challenges I see is how easy it for folks to get distracted by legacy and approval, by fairness and all of the other dramas that bubble up inside a competitive, individual-focused model. Rather than staying connected to purpose and service, energy is consumed with worries about “Am I leading my team well enough?” or “I’m so overwhelmed, maybe I’m not cut out for this” or “Why am I not getting promoted?”. These are the mental machinations that tap our life force. Certainly, there’s a place to be clear on what your time is worth and what kind of work you want to do and how you show up for it. But the background hum of “doing it better than” and “what’s in it for me” is what kills our joy.

This is why I’m so grateful for my ability to get quiet. This is why I teach and coach and run my programs the way I do. I know the time we spend in nature, in our bodies, in rest is invaluable. You learn to be quiet, to listen, and to take the action that needs to be taken. Without the spin, you get to tap into the wonder and possibility of life as it is rather than experiencing it all through the fog of mind-created drama.

The drama will still exist, but you don't have to participate in it, or better yet, you can point to it and help others to stay clear.

It feels extraordinary to be able to do this in life and see how it ripples into others' lives. My wish for you is that you?become more aware of the self-focused inner narrative and are able to catch yourself in the act, take a deep, nurturing breath, and shift your focus to the world without the filter, to what's most important to you.?

Wishing you a beautiful week ahead!

Love always,?

LJ