Turning FRUSTRATIONS into FUEL!

“Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success”- Bo Bennett

What do you do when it feels like you’re out of options? How do you handle not having a handle? What happens to you when frustration sets in? Or recall an event or experience you had recently that caused you to feel frustrated.

A family member passing, resources dwindling, receiving multiple “no’s”, you name it, life goes left all the time. And while we are allowed to process the emotions that come as a result, how we handle ourselves during these times will often make or break us.

While it’s our responsibility to lead a life of intention, a life where we are proactive and not reactive, there will certainly be aspects of life that are out of our control. And that is when frustration sets in. 

What is Frustration?

Throughout your life, you have acquired hundreds of demanding skills, but every time a new challenge is on the horizon, the old pattern reappears, and you start feeling insecure, inadequate, and frustrated. It's then the Imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and negative scripts which are always at the back of your mind start to emerge into the tURNINpicture. 

 Frustration is the feeling of being upset or annoyed because of being unable to change or achieve something.

Frustration is not a precursor to defeat; if anything, it’s a test of fortitude and a sign that you may have to do something different. It’s important we recognize, identify, and handle frustration when it arises. We should not run, mask, or destructively channel it. Frustration is both enraging and energizing. We win when we use this energy to our advantage.

Causes of Frustration

Frustration can stem from either internal or external sources. Internal frustration is where you are frustrated with yourself or your reaction. It can mean you’re unhappy with the way you reacted to a situation. External frustration is where the stressor, or the thing that is causing your frustration, is outside of you. One of the biggest sources of frustration in today's world is the frustration caused by the perception of wasting time. When you're standing in line at a bank, or in traffic, or on the phone, watching your day go by when you have got so much to do, that's one big frustration. We should learn that while the situation itself may be upsetting and frustrating, we do not have to be frustrated. Accepting life is one of the secrets of avoiding frustration.

Signs of Frustration

We live in difficult times, and we have to be persistent in order to accomplish. Consider how many projects you began, and then gave up, because you became frustrated and lost patience. Make a list of things you started and quit because they seemed too difficult. Now calculate the disappointment and loss you suffered by not dealing with the frustration in a healthier way. 

•  Anger: There is a saying "Frustration begets anger and anger begets aggression." Direct anger and aggression are expressed toward the object perceived as the cause of the frustration. If a machine does not work, you might hit it or kick it.
• Giving up: Giving up on a goal can be productive if the goal is truly out of reach. However, more often giving up is another form of giving in to frustration.
• Loss of confidence is a terrible frequent side effect of giving up and not fulfilling your goal.  
• Stress: is the "wear and tear" our body and mind experience as we adjust to the frustrations of our continually changing environment. Our body experiences distress signals in a variety of ways, often in the form of irritability, anger, fatigue, anxiety, headaches, depression, stomach-aches, hypertension, migraines, ulcers, and heart attacks.
• Incessant bodily movement, such as tapping fingers constantly and perpetual sighing.
• Feeling sad or anxious
• Trouble sleeping/having nightmares
• Trouble eating
• Abuse of drugs or alcohol
• Unable to focus

Turning Frustrations into Fuel

Here are some of the ways that you convert frustrations into something positive:

•  Recognize what you can change and what you can’t. Accepting the situation can relieve frustrated feelings when you realize you don’t have control over what happened. 
• Pause and acknowledge what’s coming up -  Whatever we resist stays with us longer than we’d like. We can use frustration as a trigger to look at our judgments and what’s going on internally for us.
• Identify the disconnect or gap -  Experiencing frustration often means something isn’t going the way we want. We can use it as a trigger to check what we expect at that moment. It could mean there is something we need to learn or do differently.
• Turn your expectations into appreciation -  If we become aware our expectations are false or not practical, we can release them. As we release them, we can train ourselves to be grateful for things that are going well for us.
• Refocus and recommit to what you want -  Having emotions of frustration come up suggests something we’re doing isn’t working well. It’s the best time to revisit our plan so we can refocus on what we’re trying to accomplish.
• Take new actions - If what we are doing is not working and is causing frustration, it is a trigger to do things differently. This may mean we have to ask for help or improve what or how we’ve been doing things.
• Use Cognitive Restructuring – It is a group of therapeutic techniques that help people notice and change their negative thinking patterns. When thought patterns become destructive and self-defeating, it's a good idea to explore ways to interrupt and redirect them.
• Switching it up - Try taking up a new hobby or making changes in the routine.

Turn your frustration upside down and use it to your advantage.

Dr. Owen Fernandes, MBA

(Life Coach | Psychometric Analyst | Personal & Leadership Development)