TURNING DURIAN INTO NEXT LEVEL CONFIDENCE

I looked at the word confidence and the definition is the following:

• assurance: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your powers
• a feeling of trust - in someone or something
•  a faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper or effective way
• a state of hopefulness that events will be favourable.

Now that you know what confidence is, let’s talk about Next Level Confidence. I was thinking about a time when I reached a Next Level of Confidence. It was the first time I ever tried durian. Yes durian, the “King of Fruits”. This is a fruit that abounds in Asia and a major part of the local food delicacies. It has a peculiar taste and a pungent smell….so people either love it or hate it. As I lived 12.5 years in Singapore, it was inevitable that I would try at some point this contentious fruit.

Durian conjures up all kinds of negative images in non-believers’ heads. The smell, the taste, the stigma. That is what stops people from trying it. I was one of those people. I had smelled it. I had seen it. I had heard the stories. I believed them too.

Then I decided to go for a major confidence boost.  I went to the local market in Singapore and asked for “D-24”. I had heard that this was the best type of durian in Singapore.  The durian “uncle” (that’s how the sellers at the market stalls are addressed in Singapore) cracked the durian open for me with his rings adorned hands, and exposed the fleshy pods.

This was my moment of truth – despite the strong smell, I eagerly scooped one pod out. The experience at the time felt as if in slow motion. As I brought it close to my mouth and felt its fleshy outer layer, sort of soft yet tight, I could sense the eyes on me. Who is this “ang mo” (local word for Caucasians)? I noticed the cameras and mobile phones around me, everyone was ready to record this. How will she act?  Contrary to expectation - I enjoyed it. I had not one, not two but three pods. I understood it, and I wanted more. 

Now, what does durian have to do with next level confidence?

Durian is feared by people who don’t understand it. Success is sometimes feared by people who don’t understand it. Ever met someone that’s highly successful, ever noticed the power in their handshake, or the way they look you in the eye?  

Next level confidence isn’t something that only the highly successful have, but it is something that all highly successful people have learnt.

The question is, how do you attain Next Level Confidence? How do you rise from an assistant to a manager, from an apprentice to a master? How do you find the next level confidence to conduct the tough conversations, recover from loss, say ‘no’ when needed? How do you find the next level confidence to do that scary thing you’ve always dreamt of, like bungee jumping or stand up comedy?

Let’s talk about Next Level Confidence and those who have it – for the director James Cameron. When he did the movie “Titanic”, and he accepted all of his awards, he proclaimed himself “King of the World”. It broke numerous box office records many thought would never be broken.

Guess what – he wasn’t satisfied. His Next Level Confidence took him to a place called “Avatar”. Heard of it? It’s a “little” movie that passed his Big Movie.

How does someone rise above their own “King/Queen of the World” confidence?

By looking beyond the world, because now she is “Queen of the Universe”.

There are many strategies to get you to that Next Level Confidence. Here are three.

1.  Choose to think empowering thoughts

Research states that every human being has on average between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts a day. Have you ever wondered who controls these thoughts? What makes them come and go?

It is us – we control our thoughts. We may not always realise that, and feel that we are at their mercy.

The truth is we hold the remote control for our mind, and therefore can determine which thoughts to focus on. We can embrace our positive self-talk that says “I can do anything!”, “I am powerful and in charge of my life”, “I can overcome this challenge, I’ve done it before”, “There is always help out there if I ask”, “I am grateful to grace for all opportunities I have”, “I am fortunate to receive inspiration from Tone Networks”. You get the gist.

Even if we don’t always control which thoughts come into our head, we can decide how long to indulge in each one, and how to react to it.  

When we indulge in the thoughts that re-enforce our self-belief, and resolve to be in charge of our life, and Next Level Confidence becomes possible.  

Before reading further, I invite you to pause and take stock of your more frequent thoughts. Are they positive, nurturing, leading to your next level confidence? If yes, great, stick to them. If not, which limiting thoughts could you replace with more empowering ones?

2.  Choose to focus on your strengths

Everyone is great at something. Start from your point of strength. Be it your smile, your humour, your wit. Every time you practise your strength, you are building further that muscle.

Think of victories or events which brought out the best in you. We all have experiences when we were “in the zone”, when we acted, spoke, looked and thought to the best of our abilities. These moments created fantastic results for us.

Just as we hold the power to control our thoughts, we have the power to focus our mind on our abilities, our peak experiences, everything that we are proud of.  Doing this re-enforces them. You can even start keeping a ‘Diary of Strengths and Successes”. Let it build up. Remember to give yourself credit and embrace the self-appreciation. This is not arrogance. This is self-care. These are your achievements and they will take you to the Next Level of your Confidence.

Now is the time for your second pause from reading. Think of your experience in the past few years. What strengths do you use regularly to achieve results? What qualities have helped you build your significant, meaningful and rewarding relationships? What strengths do you have which are dormant, but could help you reach that next level confidence? If you can’t think of strengths, google will help you with a long list if you type “examples of strengths”. Here is the link:

https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-strengths.html

 3.  Stretch Your Comfort Zone

Think of times when you were thrown into a challenge and you stepped up. I remember when I was at university, I was very popular and outgoing and there was a boy who was extremely shy, and who finally worked up the courage to ask me out. Ironically, he never knew that I wanted him to ask me out for a whole year. I was the daughter of a diplomat and seemingly unapproachable. I was so happy that he pushed through his fears and stretched his comfort zone. We dated for a couple of years, he now runs his own company. I would like to think I may have had something to do with that.

That particular instance is something I like to call “as needed” Next Level Confidence. You may have experienced an “as needed” Next Level Confidence in your life. Maybe you had to speak to a group of people and there was no way out of it. You pushed through your fear and did it. You probably held on to that Next Level Confidence and built on it.

This is the moment for the final pause. Reflect on your life right now. What is something that we, your team of cheerleaders, can dare you to do right now? What action will help you stretch your comfort zone, because the pay off is going to be worth it?

Getting back to durian, if you think about it, you’ve probably never seen an advert for it. This is very unlikely to happen in Europe or America. Even in Singapore and Asia, there are no commercials for it.

I was wondering what they would sound like. “Durian: try it, you’ll like it!” or  “Durian – once you get past the smell...”

Yes, durian sells itself. You either love it or you don’t. Similar to confidence - we rarely discuss it, or go deep inside.

Yet once we move beyond our fears, we reap huge rewards from unleashing our inner power! And most of all, we can feel like a “Queen or King Of the Universe”!

Written by Maria Kassova, MK Motivation Pte Ltd 

#confidence; #nextlevelconfidence; #resilience; #pushcomfortzone