Turning Conflict into Cooperation with CTFAR model

I recently came across an insightful book, Self Coaching 101, which introduced me to the CTFAR model. This changed how I understand and manage my thoughts and actions in both personal and professional settings. It breaks down the process of how our thoughts influence our feelings, which then drive our actions and ultimately determine our results. This framework has helped me realise that by shifting my thoughts, I can change my feelings and actions, leading to better outcomes. It's a simple yet powerful tool that provides a clear path to improving how we handle various situations in life and work.

What is the CTFAR Model?

The CTFAR model stands for Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, Results

1. Circumstance: Identify the situation.

2. Thought: Note what you're thinking about that situation.

3. Feeling: Recognise the emotions your thoughts generate.

4. Action: Observe what actions you take based on those feelings.

5. Result: Look at the outcome of your actions.

Let me share a made up scenario for better understanding.

Situation

I am currently facing a challenging situation with a colleague, "Peter Myers," who frequently challenges decisions made during team meetings. Peter often criticizes proposed plans, believing that alternative approaches would be more effective even thought its not. Peter's approach often appears aggressive and dismissive, leading to discomfort among team members. From my perspective, Peter's interruptions are delaying our progress, reducing the team's morale and preventing us from reaching consensus efficiently. I feel frustrated because we spend more time debating than executing projects.

Thought Model Elements and Rationale

- Circumstance: Peter has opposed or criticised proposed plans in 4 out of 5 team meetings this past month.

- Thought: "Peter is undermining our ability to work together and delaying our progress."

- Feeling: Frustrated

- Action: I often shut down during meetings and don't actively contribute. I avoid engaging with Peter afterward and feel frustrated.

- Result: The team remains divided and communication gaps persist. The lack of engagement worsens the overall meeting productivity, leading to further delays and ineffective execution.

The Plan

- Desired Result: I want to engage proactively with Peter and encourage open communication to improve collaboration and consensus-building.

- Next Steps:

• Initiate a private conversation with Peter to discuss our shared goals and how to handle disagreements constructively.
• Invite Peter to suggest alternative plans before the meetings, improving collaboration instead of confrontation.
• Reassure Peter that their insights are valuable, but that effective communication is essential for team cohesion.

- Required Feeling: Optimistic

- Required Thought: "Peter and I can work together productively by creating a more positive, respectful atmosphere."

Reflection

• Applying the Thought Model: Understanding my initial thought pattern about Peter helped reveal how my frustration was influencing my behaviour. Recognizing that Peter’s aggressive and often incompetent approach was causing disruptions, I realized my actions were not helping the situation. This understanding allowed me to take proactive measures instead of reacting.
• Impact of the Thought Model on Action Plan: By using the Thought model, I could better separate fact from emotion. I recognized that my frustration was largely due to my interpretation of Peter’s behaviour. This clarity led to a plan centered on improving communication and setting clear expectations.
• Effectiveness of the Action Plan: After implementing the plan, I had a conversation with Peter to address his approach and its impact on the team. We discussed strategies for providing feedback constructively and the importance of working collaboratively. Peter agreed to work on this.
• Actual vs. Expected Results: The results were encouraging; Peter was more receptive to the private conversation than I expected. The new approach led to more efficient meetings, where disagreements were handled more constructively and respectfully.
• Satisfaction of Resolution: The plan partially resolved the issue, making our meetings more productive. However, managing Peter’s behaviour remains an ongoing process that requires continuous effort and communication.
• Future Improvements: If I were to handle this situation again, I would take proactive steps sooner to establish clear communication guidelines and involve the team in setting expectations for constructive feedback.
• Challenges and Learnings: The most challenging aspect was confronting my assumptions and biases about Peter’s behaviour. I learned that small adjustments to thought patterns can lead to more effective action plans and better team dynamics.
• Next Steps: I will continue having regular check-ins with Peter for a more inclusive, communicative environment and build trust. Additionally, I will seek feedback from the team to ensure overall team health is positive.

You must be wondering what the relation of The Karate Kid banner is. Let's see how the CTFAR model applies to Daniel LaRusso's journey. Initially, Daniel moves to a new town and gets bullied by Johnny and his Cobra Kai gang. He feels helpless and believes he'll always be a victim, leading him to avoid confrontation, which only worsens the bullying. Later, he meets Mr. Miyagi, who teaches him karate. As Daniel trains, his thoughts and feelings shift. He starts to believe he can defend himself, which makes him feel hopeful and empowered. He trains hard, faces Johnny in a tournament, and wins, gaining confidence and overcoming his bullies. Just like Daniel's journey, applying this to our own lives can lead to powerful transformations. By changing our thoughts, we can alter our feelings and actions, achieving better results and overcoming challenges. So, next time you're faced with a tough situation, remember Daniel LaRusso and the CTFAR model – you have the power to change your story.

Have you tried the CTFAR model & has it worked for you? Please share your thoughts in the comments – I’d love to hear your experiences!