On Turning 40

On the eve of crossing “over the hill”, as some would say, I thought of sharing a few observations encountered during my 30s. Writing is therapeutic, so I stick to a daily writing habit, hoping it may strike a chord with a reader such as yourself. Crossing into 40 is nothing but a number at this point. I have lessons learned – more than some at my age, which will help shape my next 40 years.?

Reflecting on my past, having an excess of money had been my aspiration from as far back as I remember. In my 20s, I made a pact with myself that led me down a destructive and selfish path, hurting many people along the way.??This journey would include many facets, but the biggest was having zero empathy for anyone that got in my way of success. I kept people at a distance, including my own family and close friends. I did that so nobody else could “ruin” the plans I had for this life. Last week, I reflected on that path and how I’ve evolved as I helped a nearly blind raccoon cross the road near our home; the priority shift is in full swing.?

Where I’ve been and where I’m headed has come full circle to shine a light on the fact that we are only on earth for a short time, relative to the age of the world. As I approach 40, I do my best to leave things better than I found them. Having had a “spiritual awakening” as we say in A.A. – my outlook has changed for the better.?

On April 11th, 2019, at the age of 36, my life would flash before my eyes. That evening in Atlanta while attending MRO Americas, would take me all over the city on my rented electric scooter, mostly to every bar in the downtown vicinity. At 10:30 p.m., my night of binge drinking ended with my crumpled body lying on the sidewalk; my front teeth now at arm’s length off to my side. My friend Craig, kneeling beside me, used his Army medic training to confirm my back was not broken, and that I in fact was not paralyzed from the crash. That would mark the last time I took a drink.

The next morning, I found myself crawling around the Airbnb condo gathering my items and stuffing them into a suitcase in no order. Changing my flight to come home early, I hobbled through the Atlanta airport racked with guilt, full of self-pity, but feeling no remorse for my alcoholism or actions driven by that disease. At 36, I moved painfully down the jet bridge along with others who “needed extra time” to board the aircraft, reaching into my pants pocket and feeling the four broken teeth I was bringing home. On the flight, I sat next to a Delta pilot who helped lift my bag into the overhead bin; a task reserved for the elderly. I didn’t dare mention I too was a pilot, having looked like I’d gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. After the agonizing flight, I pulled myself out of the seat in Detroit, my pilot friend, looking at me, said, “I hope you feel better soon”, almost as if he knew what lay ahead in my life.?

As I started my journey into sobriety, it began to take hold and break me free from a life of turmoil that if you mapped it out, would resemble the wildest rollercoaster imaginable: full of highs during my binge drinking, and lows of nursing severe depression and hangovers. At age 37, I discovered joy comes in many forms, including helping others; not sitting in a bar attempting to mask my true self. I was an addict, and I could finally admit that to myself and the people around me. Today, approaching 40, I have embraced the fact I have an introverted personality. Alcohol had always allowed me to push myself into the extroverted side of things, and it took?years?to discover and accept that it wasn’t really me. Today, I have a great support system both within and outside of business aviation – people who know that my alone time is needed to recharge. During this journey, I’ve made countless friends in the industry and had the chance to be present, listen to struggles, hear aspirations, and provide insight regarding my journey.?

As you can imagine, being intertwined in our industry can be difficult for someone with my disease. Before each tradeshow, the topic I notice most while scrolling LinkedIn is the ‘Happy Hour’ celebration announcements put out by various companies. They light up my newsfeed like a vintage marquee, telling me “I’ll be okay to go check it out”. For those of us struggling with active addiction, this type of event can be catastrophic for progress. Believe me – it’s not as easy as “just don’t drink at the party”. That phrase might as well come out as “just don’t breathe, you’ll be fine”.?

While nobody is to blame for the above-mentioned event planning, it would certainly be a welcome sight to have a ‘sober event’ that many of us could attend; feeling like a leper is tough while sitting in a hotel room. I would invite anyone who struggles or feels torn between attending ‘happy hour’ or staying in, to send me a message; I’m always up for a coffee and a chat.

For this soon-to-be 40-year-old, things can’t get much better. With MRO Insider continuing to gain momentum, I am grateful for the industry allowing our technology to enter the building. I have surrounded myself with employees who remain present in the company and take customer service to a new level - the most important part of any successful business. Although the learning curve has been steep, I formed the company out of necessity. Being too stubborn to work for others – I needed to change how things got accomplished on the maintenance side and serve others in my current role. Running a company has also taught me to get the hell out of the way when young minds want to accomplish a goal or task. Everybody sees business, technology, and the world in a different light; I don’t know better than a 30-year-old who is driven and focused.?

This essay wouldn’t be complete without thanking everyone in business aviation who has touched my life, been there for my struggles, congratulated me on my accomplishments, or offered advice that fuels my growth. A huge, well-deserved shoutout to all the hard-working AOG techs, A&Ps, and maintenance dispatchers who consistently take care of our app users 24/7. With lessons learned, knowledge gained, and relationships like these, turning 40 never felt so good!?

Andy Nixon