Turning 30: 7 Life Lessons Learned in My 20s

1: Vulnerability is a Strength, Not a Weakness

It wasn’t until I started therapy in December 2018, thanks to my girlfriends support and encouragement, that I slowly began to heal from childhood wounds and experiences I perceived as traumatic.

The biggest one was learning about my biological father when I was five.

Fast forward 24 years and I built up enough courage to fly to Crete and meet him for the first time since I was 7, and my half-sisters for the first time ever.

Healing that wound in October 2023 was a massive step for me and since then, I have felt much better with my mental health and feel like I can finally move forward with my life.

Reading books like It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn, Healing Your Lost Inner Child by Robert Jackman, Psychology of the Unconscious by Carl Jung, How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera, and In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Maté helped a lot.

2. The Most Valuable Things in Life Can’t Be Bought

My physical and mental health, plus relationships with my family, girlfriend, clients, pets and friends, are the most valuable things in my life.

I had the realisation when I was about 25 that regardless of how much money anyone makes, you just can’t buy loving, caring relationships, loyalty, or a magic pill for your health.

These are earned with consistency, effort, time and a sustainable plan that suits your lifestyle.

3. Dropping My Ego and Asking for Help

For many years, I had a massive ego that I was unaware of until I read Ego Is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday in July 2016 right after finishing my degree in sports management and coaching.

This book was the start of an awakening for me.

I started to bring more conscious awareness to different patterns and behaviours, but it was only the beginning of a long journey.

I always had this unhealthy belief that I had to do things alone and I could never ask for help.

This held me back in every single area of my life. Once I started to ask for help and delegate, everything changed.

As I mentioned, I started working with a therapist for my mental health at the end of 2018, and looking back, it honestly saved my life.

I can only see with clarity now how much of a dark head space I was in. I hired my first business coach in 2018 and since then have worked with four different coaches.

I’ve invested a little over €20k in those four coaches and they are the main reason why I am still self-employed today, seven years later.

Their knowledge completely changed my business and how I do things.

Learning to build a team and delegate tasks was one of the life-changing skills I learned from the mentors I have worked with.

Re-investing and building a team over the last two years has been amazing. Before 2022, I was doing everything by myself and wondering why I wasn’t having as much positive impact as I wanted.

Over the last couple of years, I have re-invested in Katie, Fin, Karen, and Susan, and it’s the main reason for our continued growth and having the opportunity to help many amazing women get brilliant results with their health, fitness, energy, and confidence.

4. Social Media Is the Highlight Reel of People’s Lives, Not Reality

Like many people, I fell into the trap of constantly comparing myself to others I saw on social media. You see all the money, the “perfect” body, the cars, the holidays, the so-called perfect life when in reality, this is mostly a facade.

This made me feel awful about myself and definitely worsened my mental health.

I struggled a lot with body dysmorphia in my quest for the perfect physique from 2012 to 2018, and constantly comparing myself also continued to make this worse.

Thankfully, I’ve started to heal from this since 2019.

Over the last 3-4 years, I have massively reduced my social media use and frequently have detox periods where I don’t use it at all.

I’m lucky enough to have Katie, Susan, or Karen to post or do necessary work on my socials for business.

5. Strength Training, Running, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

I started going to the gym to build strength in April 2012.

Lower back pain was killing me after having a fracture in my L4 vertebrae, as well as a fractured radius in my forearm a few months prior.

I tore the cartilage in my right knee and ligaments in my left ankle when I was 13/14 playing football but never properly healed them.

As you can tell, I was very injury-prone.

John Shevlin deserves an honorable mention as he has helped me heal physically and get me to the strongest pain free version of myself.

Strength training was the best thing I ever did for myself as I not only got stronger, fitter, more confident, happier, and felt great in my skin.

I proved to myself that when I was consistent every single week for many years, I could get good at anything I put my mind to.

I really enjoyed competing in powerlifting in 2017, hitting a 501 deadlift. 500 pounds was a huge goal of mine after I started training in 2012.

I started running more in 2018 after six years of strength training because my cardio was awful.

Fast forward to 2022 and I ran my first sub-6-minute mile (5:54) on the promenade in Barcelona.

Over the last two years, I have been really enjoying learning Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

BJJ is like human chess and the intricacies and technical details of it really appeal to me.

I’m applying the same philosophy that I learned from years of strength training to BJJ now.

My birthday present to myself this year was investing in 20 private sessions with my coach.

6. From Abusing My Body to a Focus on Self-Care

From 20 to 28, I unfortunately abused my body in many ways.

Binge eating, working 60-80 hours a week, going on loads of nights out/festivals, staying up until 4-6 am, under sleeping, never talking about how I felt, spending way too much time on social media, and a few others that are more personal…

These were all unhealthy and unconscious coping mechanisms I developed to deal with stress that put me into a vicious cycle of temporarily feeling good but ultimately worse the next day.

Now, thankfully, I manage stress or worry in positive, healthy ways.

I talk about how I feel, sleep more when I need to, I take care of my cat Luna, go to the gym, get out for walks, train Jiu Jitsu, go for walks by the seaside, have a cold shower every day, use aromatherapy before bed, journal, and focus on being present in the moment.

7. The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step

When I was 20, I couldn't have possibly imagined how my life would be as it is now.

There were so many weeks and months of worry, anxiety, burnout, and stress where I hoped things would work out in college, business, relationships, etc...

I was so focused on the end result that I eventually learned the process and the journey are the best parts.

Now, with so many ups and downs and life lessons learned, I'm looking forward to the next 10 years.

I'll probably revisit this post when I'm 40 and think, "Wow, I still had so much to learn!" ????

All the best,

Elan