Tuned Out in Tennessee | Dear Tony

Dear Tony,

I am a program manager and I have to work around technical and non-technical people all day, plus manage input from what seems like hundreds of stakeholders. I work incredibly hard, have been here for 20 years so believe I know what I’m talking about, but no one ever seems to listen to my ideas. I’ve even had people bring up my original idea later and because it came from someone else people seem to take it more seriously. How can I get people to take me more seriously?

-Tuned Out in Tennessee

Dear Tuned Out,

First thing I want to share with you is that it’s a good sign that you are frustrated. I know this may sound strange, but deep down you want your work to matter in the world, and you believe you can contribute something meaningful to the world. Whatever happens in your career, never lose this sense of contribution that only you can make in the world.

I’ll give you two pieces of advice – first a bit mechanical, and second a bit psychological oriented.

First, review how and when you are sharing your thoughts. Make certain that you are giving your thoughts at the right time, in the right forum, with the right people. If you are giving lots of advice to everyone all the time, I can see how people might tune you out from time to time. A pro-tip when sharing your ideas is to always share your logic on how you arrived at the idea or concept. Great teamwork is really getting smart people together and collectively thinking about an issue, not a competition for who has the best idea. So the real goal is to share your thinking, not just your ideas.

Second, I would double down on learning the business and getting to know how people create value on your team. Seek to develop trust with your teammates and stakeholders and they will give you the time and attention you deserve.

Lastly, from a mechanical perspective, I would document your ideas and make sure you are adequately reviewing these with your supervisor weekly or monthly. Do not wait until year-end reviews to share your ideas and thoughts. Ask your supervisor for feedback and share with them your goal to improve how others receive your ideas.

One caveat – if you have some on your team or peers you have to work with who are intentionally isolating you or there is some other negative force at work, don’t hesitate to address this issue directly with the individuals involved and work hard to get on positive working terms with everyone. As an example, I’ve seen women get treated differently than men in formal settings. Women are asked to take notes, spoken over during debate, and at times it seemed like their ideas were never considered. This is a formula for the firm to fail and for high frustration by talented women. Never let this stand and seek to confront it if that is what you are dealing with.

From a psychological perspective, setting aside your ego might be in order to allow the group to work effectively. Everyone wants their work to matter, but not all of our work actually matters all the time. Sometimes there are better ideas, or the timing isn’t right, or maybe there are other forces in motion that cannot be shared with you that prevent people from adopting your ideas. Whatever it is, leave the door open for humility and know that not all your ideas may be the best.

Lastly, and most importantly, keep trying to add value in all you do. Consider the adjustments above, but deep inside of you keep thinking, keep evaluating, and keep doing what you can to provide value every time you get a chance. Doing this consistently will bring your ideas to the top eventually and over time your place on the team and in the company will improve.

-Tony

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