Tune Your Frequency: Building Emotional Intelligence for Real Impact

Series 2 of 4: Dance between Order & Chaos

In my last post, I talked about embracing the “messy middle” rather than waiting for perfect conditions. But once you decide to start messy, how do you keep your head (and heart) steady in the midst of life’s curveballs? Enter the concept of tuning your frequency, aligning your thoughts, emotions, and actions with who you truly want to be, regardless of external chaos. And while you’re at it, roll with the punches and laugh off the inconveniences. As Lisa Nichols says, “Conviction and Convenience don’t live on the same block!” —> so we might as well embrace it all.

The Illusion of Control (And Why It’s Okay Not to Have It)

First, let’s talk about control… or, as Myron Golden puts it, “the illusion of control.” We often feel frustrated when life doesn’t follow our script. But clinging to that frustration is like wrestling with reality. In Myron’s words, “You’re not really in charge… This life, you can do something about it. You always have a choice. So you can stop trying to have control. Just let life be life and let it teach you what it has to teach you.”

Maybe you pictured the perfect job, relationship, or business plan, then it all went sideways. Does that automatically make it “bad”? Not necessarily. Sometimes, a setback is a set-up for growth we never expected. We usually see that only in hindsight (through the “rearview mirror,” not the “windshield”). The sooner we accept that we can’t see the entire tapestry yet, the sooner we develop emotional resilience.

Sustainability: A Personal Take

Though I was invited to talk about sustainability, I don’t see myself as a grand advocate, but more of a steady student-messenger sharing my journey of sustaining ourselves first. After all, our children deserve a kinder, more empathetic world to grow up in, and that begins with each of us learning to tune our own frequency.

Why “Tuning Your Frequency” Matters

Think of yourself as an old-school radio. The signal, the music… its always there, but until you dial in the correct frequency, you hear only static. Tuning means shifting your internal state to catch that clear station, even when external conditions are messy.

? Self-Awareness: Recognising when your frustration stems from expectations clashing with reality.

? Empathy: Seeing beyond your own lens, tuning into others’ emotions and perspectives.

? Resilience: Emotional Intelligence, adapting to what is, instead of agonising over what you thought should be.

These capacities aren’t just personal “nice-to-haves.” They’re essential for collective well-being, too. Something I shared at the Big Impact Session was the Inner Development Goals (IDGs), designed in response to the recognition that sustaining ourselves first is foundational for achieving the broader UN Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs).

If we can’t tune our own frequency: our mindset, empathy, and ability to learn from setbacks, how can we even begin collaborating effectively on global challenges like climate action or community health?

Hence, my mission to building this Newsletter and my continued journey in the book and app to follow.

Practical Exercises: Finding Your Signal

1. Micro-Journaling (5 Minutes a Day)

? Write down one frustration from your day (e.g., “My book was delayed” - its frustrating).

? Next, ask: “Is there another way to view this?” This simple practice flexes the muscle of reframing. (I now get to ask the audience what they truly wish to read)

2. Mindful Listening

? In your next conversation, focus on hearing the other person without planning your reply in your head. Listen for their emotional “frequency.” (create a discussion group to really listen to the audience’s needs and wants)

? Then reflect: “What did I learn about how they see the world?” This expands your empathy and tunes you into others. (not writing what I want to share, but what would truly serve the audience)

3. Feel-Good Playlist

? Think of a quick go-to activity (like a favourite song or a silly dance break) that instantly uplifts your mood. (Mine is short exercise dance bursts to raise my energy)

? Use it when you sense your “signal” becoming static —> like a station reset button for your emotions.

Turning Chaos into Creative Flow

When you stop fighting reality and start tuning in, you’ll often discover that chaos holds some of the most surprisingly brilliant opportunities. Researchers like Amy Shoenthal highlight a phenomenon known as the “dopamine dip,” where your dopamine levels temporarily plummet after things don’t go as planned. Sure, it feels awful at first… but that slump can also unlock a whole new realm of creative thinking, if you manage to push through the initial letdown. Maybe it sparks a chance to pivot your approach, forge an unexpected collaboration, or rediscover strengths you forgot you had. And the more you embrace these small mindset shifts, the more you’ll find yourself stepping into a state of creative flow… and that’s where the real magic happens.

Call to Action: Go Deeper with Us

On a more personal level, I started my journey many moons ago because I just wanted to stop feeling scared all the time. What began as sporadic pangs of anxiety turned into a never-ending cycle of fear. Having made sense of how to pull myself out of the pity-pool… and learning how to coach others along the way, I figured: why not help more people move from fear-mode to fun-mode through this creative exchange? Better yet, why not start a community of like-minded mindset-junkies, so no one has to feel alone in this struggle of life?

If you’re a mindset and self-development enthusiast, you’ve probably felt the weight of going it alone. It can be lonely, right? Sometimes, you just need people—your people. A place where struggles are acknowledged, solutions are shared, and growth is celebrated. If this resonates, please pre-register for my upcoming book and app, so I can invite you to our discussion group, where we’ll explore these concepts and learn from each other.

My whole mission is to embody a guide for daily practice, helping you build emotional intelligence, reframe setbacks, and harness your unique “signal” to make a positive impact. Ultimately, “tuning your frequency” is about more than just feeling good. It’s about becoming the sort of person who can face life’s curveballs head-on—learning, adapting, and creating something better for both yourself and those around you.

Because, as the IDGs remind us, inner development fuels outer transformation.

Final Thoughts:

? Illusion of Control: Life rarely follows our script, and that’s okay, fighting it only leads to frustration.

? Tune Your Frequency: Shift your mindset, empathy, and resilience to align with the “music” that’s always there beneath the noise.

? Practical Exercises: A few minutes of journaling, mindful listening, or a quick “mood-reset” playlist can move you from static to clarity.

Remember: controlling everything isn’t the goal —> learning from what is, is. By embracing that distinction, we transform static into opportunity and frustration into flow. Let’s keep exploring how to tune ourselves in a world where so much seems out of tune, work with each other, and see the incredible changes that can unfold.

And what you focus on amplifies, so stop ruminating about the problems through complaining and worry, instead focus on the progress, and becoming the prize.