Tuesday Thoughts | 8 March 2022 | IWD - The Invisible Labour of Kindness and Empathy
Danielle S. Russell, CAE, C.Dir
Multi-Award Winning Association Leader | Connector of Ideas and People | Consultant | Author | Speaker | Chartered Director
Happy International Women’s Day, a day when we celebrate all the contributions of the women in our lives, in our work, and in our society.
Its important to understand contribution, in order to put ideas such as Break the Bias, into proper context. I find myself asking, why do things – politics, business, leadership, society – change when we add women?
Many women possess the superpowers of our age, Kindness and Empathy, forcing those around them to apply this lens to group discussions and decision making.
We spend a great deal of time talking about concepts such as Kindness and Empathy, but what we don’t spend any “ink” on, is discussing the invisible labour required to consistently apply an Empathy and Kindness lens. Nor do we really explore the emotional heavy lifting required to bring Kindness and Empathy to the table, when that becomes one of the “roles” you play.
This is not to say that having Empathy, or acting with Kindness is a burden, and for some (including myself) its often our default setting. But just because something comes naturally, does not mean it comes easily, or at no cost.
Empathy is hard, its hard when someone’s actions are hurtful, mean or downright toxic. Pulling yourself back out of a negative emotionally charged exchange, interaction, or ongoing relationship, long enough to ask the real and deep questions about WHY someone might be acting in the manner they are, requires a lot of emotional heavy lifting.
Where empathy is easiest is where we have no emotional skin in the game, even if intellectually we are offended by another person, when we’re not feeling attacked, belittled or ignored by someone’s direct, or indirect actions, its easiest to give others grace.
Personally, I believe my own generally high level of empathy is driven by my Introversion. The deep listening, keen observation of verbal and non-verbal cues, and desire at times to be the audience instead of one of the players, primes me for applying the empathetic lens.
Where Empathy is hardest for me, is when I feel confident that I bring a more nuanced or informed perspective to the table, and I’m being shown disrespect, or in some other way feeling dismissed. In the spirit of IWD, I’ll point out, that the most frequent perpetrators of this sort of behaviour are Old Men, who generally tend to also be White.
To my mind, Kindness is a by-product of Empathy. I see and feel and understand your pain, your suffering, your need, and look to meet it with care, and consideration. Kindness is at its most profound when I overcome the barriers to Empathy, my own pain, my own needs, to do something that will improve your situation.
A word of caution of course. I often say when discussing the broad spectrum of our self-care needs, that there is a reason the airline safety video tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first.
Just yesterday, I was told that a Toxic Person I have mostly removed from my life is going through a difficult medical issue. My second instinct (my first instinct was to find rationale to hide), was to ask myself, is this a time when I can and should show kindness? Of course, I very quickly realised that in order to be kind to that person, I would need to be unkind to myself by inviting a damagingly toxic presence into my day-to-day life; and worse still, I would risk that the next time I had an opportunity to show Kindness I might not have the emotional energy to do so.
My Call to Action this week: is not to just celebrate Kindness and Empathy, but to also celebrate the deep work often required to show that Empathy and that Kindness. Start with the Woman (or Man) in the mirror, show yourself Kindness and Empathy, fill that cup so that you can in turn apply a generous lens to others.
领英推荐
Add Women, Change ANYTHING. Add Women, Change EVERYTHING. Happy International Women’s Day 2022.
Special Mention: h/t to Bernie Morton for sharing this Powerful Article from Forbes about Empathy as a Leadership Superpower; it really got me thinking deeply this week, just in time for IWD.
New and Noteworthy is a collection of things readers of this Newsletter might find interesting or important;
Other Stuff I Did This Week (shameless self promotion): This weekend I participated in Module 1 of the Chartered Director Program offered through the Directors College - I would 100% recommend this, exceeds expectations
What to Read: Introverts Actually Understand People Way Better Than Extroverts Do, from Inc.com | the age-old debate Association Leadership: Industry Experts vs. Association Pros, from MemberClicks | One size does not fit all, Janice Cardinale on Mental Health for the MPI blog
What to Do: Download Stuart Knight's new App - The Higher Selfie | Join CSAE's Talk Tuesday, today @2pm
Cool Jobs (Paid and Volunteer): Development Coordinator @ McMichael Canadian Art Collection | Program Manager, Education @ Council of Canadian Innovators
Take Note: The Province of Ontario is seeking input on Anti-Racism initiatives | LinkedIn Members Can Now Spotlight Career Breaks on Their Profiles
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights so openly and candidly.
CPA, CA CAE a founder of Zzeem. Zzeem is a consulting and management company laser focused on building high-performing membership associations,
2 年Thought-provoking, as usual, Danielle. Introverted empathy is a fascinating conclusion of deeper emotional awareness. However, I was offended by the comment about "Old Men, who tend to be White" as I find that cliched. I am "advancing in years", male, and melaninely challenged. Many of my role models, growing up, were women, as opposed to the usual young male sports heroes. I thought Marie Curie was cool as she discovered radium; Rosa Parks as she was tired and fed up with the negative class system she was forced to live under; Harriet Tubman, who I thought built a subway system until I read her biography and then realized she was an ultra-cool revolutionary; Katharine Hepburn; Coco Chanel; and so on. The concept of antiquated thinking is not alone a "white male" issue. My mother disapproved of the concept of women going into politics, or business as she believed those were men's roles. This despite the fact that her daughter-in-law had been named a director of a powerful Canadian investment firm and was frequently mistaken for then Prime Minister Kim Campbell. Perhaps you would consider amending your belief about "Old White Men" being the cause of evil in the world and simply refer to those issues as the result of "antiquated thinking". Antiquated thinking can be overcome. Being born male and white, cannot. Happy IWD!
Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Leader
2 年Awesome article as always! Now more than ever, the idea/action of empathy is really being put to the test with all that is going on around us. Thank you for pouring into this! Fun Fact: Bernie Morton, who you mentioned in the article was my former City Manager, and a leader I have utmost respect for!
Forbes Woman, Top 100 Most Influential People in Events 23/24, Top 20 Most influential Canada 24, Smart Meetings Entrepreneur & Hall of Fame, BizBash 15 over 50, Gather Voices Top 50 2024. Founder Event Minds Matter.
2 年Todays post is meaningful and really recognizes the meaning of what today is.