Tuesday Thoughts | 6 June 2023 | Its Not All Sunshine and Rainbows

There are a few things you can count on each year in Toronto, the Leafs will suck, so will the TTC, but the Sun will ALWAYS Shine on Pride. Its easy to forget that Pride was borne of protest, and that it is in fact, not all sunshine and rainbows, despite how it might look and feel on Yonge Street on the final Saturday of June each year.

When I say its easy to forget, what I ACTUALLY mean is its easy for ME to forget, as a cis, straight woman; its one of the points of privilege I have that I must never forget even when I find myself being discriminated against for something else.

I often say that my disadvantage is that I can’t hide my diversity, but the flip side is that I have no intersectionalities that are invisible; meaning that I’m not stuck in an endless loop of having to choose when and how to reveal my true self, or to need to constantly calibrate my safety (trust me, racists let you know when you’re not safe, even if they say nothing, and the whole process is basically instantaneous once they lock eyes on your not so lily-white skin) which sounds exhausting.

There is a #TuesdayThoughtsFormula, but this particular topic defies the model, I mean really how many stories can I tell about being Straight while talking about Pride before I move from simply performative, to all out insulting?

Instead, I want to tell you a couple of stories that have moved me to dig more deeply into allyship and action; and then to share the specific actions I intend to take and the things I will be intentionally working on the in the weeks, and months to come.

I am incredibly proud to be Jamaican, and incredibly ashamed of Jamaica’s record on Human Rights as it relates to Queer community, most especially Gay Men. I have a clear memory of my Father and I driving to a dinner at the home of a relative in Jamaica, and my Dad saying “I would never tell you not to speak out against homophobia, but if you could avoid calling them a bigot in their own home, that would be swell”.

I’ve had to recommend that friends not vacation there because of actual threats to their safety and security; from time to time, I donate to Rainbow Railroad to temporarily salve the deep shame that comes from knowing that one of the places they need to help people flee from is the country of my Parents’ birth.

As recently as a week or so ago I issued a Call to Action (outside of the weekly Tuesday call to action), and asked the following question about how far my network was willing to go to combat Anti-Black Racism “Its fine to ‘cancel’ a celebrity, but are you willing to confront your best friend, your boss, your mom?”. One of the ways I have and will continue to show allyship is to firmly disagree with anyone who contends that homophobia is a part of their culture, even if that person is a member of my own family.

For lots and lots of reasons (more than we have time and space for in a Tuesday Thought) my Parents sent me to Catholic School, although continuing on to a Catholic High School was mostly my choice as I wanted to continue on in the Gifted program without the hassle of re-testing for the Public School System.

One of the most valuable courses I took in High School was the Grade 12 World Religions Course which introduced us to the richness of the World’s many faiths and creeds, instilled a respect for and understanding of many beliefs and traditions, and even directly exposed us to Temples, and Mosques, and Synagogues. I had some classmates who were Muslim, and others who were members of Eastern Orthodox Churches, as long as your parents directed a portion of their property tax to the Separate system you were welcomed into a “values based” school.

At the same time, (and we can only use “it was the 90s” as an excuse for so long) there was ZERO mention of Pride, the “Relationships” unit in Phys Ed (I’ve forgotten which year, but I can see my teacher in my mind’s eye clear as day saying the words “going steady” to describe the stage after “a few dates”) was entirely heteronormative, and the best way to see evidence of how unwelcoming the whole system was to the queer community is to reflect on even now how reluctant folks are to come out to the people they spent years of their lives learning alongside.

For years – as in every four years when I vote in the Municipal Election and have to read the platforms of the Catholic Board Trustees (last year featured some particularly frightening profiles) – I think to myself, we really need to switch over to the Public System on the property tax role, and then proceed to do nothing. All of that finally shifted last week when the York Region Catholic Board voted against flying the Pride Flag, we’re going to get that change done, I can’t and won’t use my hard-earned money to support an organization that doesn’t support ALL the children in their care.

Like with our taxes, we generally vote – or tolerate/endorse – with our wallets, each and every purchase we make is a de facto choice to use our dollars in support of the corporation, or business owners we are purchasing from.

As a Nonprofit Executive, people are constantly seeking advice on which organizations to join, or which charities to give to, and sometimes (as in the current case with a high-profile Toronto based Association) some people may choose to pull back membership or sponsorship dollars based on the values they believe an organization does or does not embody.

I get that giving to charity gives people the warm fuzzies, and understand why folks want to drag out the dopamine hit by making the most impactful use of those dollars and cents (I’m here for it, and I’m even writing a book on the topic); but it has been my experience that many people (candidly I’m guilty here too) don’t often spend as much time thinking about how they spend their discretionary dollars.

I know what I think every.single.time someone posts a picture of Chick-Fil-A sandwich on their IG, or makes a reference to Harry Potter, and as I said at the top of this #TuesdayThought I’m the token straight in the crowd; it gives me chills, because I assume, you either don’t care enough to know that a portion of the dollars from your sandwich go to support “conversion therapy”, or that clinging to your childhood is something you prioritize over denying royalties to someone who has said truly hateful things about Trans Women; I can’t begin to imagine how people in the 2SLGBTQIA+ community feel when they see their “friends” choosing to support people and organizations who are a direct threat to their safety.

As a writer, I know that words matter, a small choice can make a huge impact on how something you write or say is received. Just the other day a friend said to me, you know “I appreciate your careful efforts not to out me, but I don’t “Identify” as Queer, I AM Queer”, I’ve said many times that I take the Hippocratic Oath approach to my work, and seek first to do no harm, so of course this week’s disclaimer is that I am imperfect, if something I have written does not meet my standard I want to hear from you.

In the same spirit, that same friend – who I can always count on to gently steer me in a more inclusive direction – set me straight (pun sort of intended), on my slow adoption of expanding beyond using LGBTQ+. If I truly (and I do) want to embrace Reconciliation, then I need to anchor Two-Spirit or 2S in the way I speak about the community, and in recognition of someone I have known a very long time, I have also begun to use the I and the A because we show we care, when we show we see someone as their whole self.

One of the other ways that many of us have adopted to use language to convey allyship and a welcoming safe space is in the proactive use of pronouns, like many my pronouns (she/her) appear following my name in email signatures, and on my social media accounts. Again, this was in part because of my recognition that my intersectionalities are visible, so I have the privilege of going first without needing to put in any extra effort.

In addition to all the writing, some of you may know that I also do a fair bit of public speaking; I know that one of the ways I want to expand my allyship is to be very intentional about introducing myself aloud in a way that includes my pronouns, so from stages to podcasts to in-person meetings, that’s what I’ll be working on this year.

This isn’t the first time I’ve touched on my own personal thoughts and efforts towards allyship with the 2SLGBTQIA+ community in #TuesdayThoughts, in particular The Silence of Our Friends from May 9 of this year, and I Respectfully Disagree from July of 2022 were framed around specific incidents that I found deeply upsetting.

However, in the past I have failed to be explicit about my unreserved support; in a time when there is a rising tide of hate, most especially focused on the Trans Community, and in recognition of Pride Month, I am making my position clear.

This Week’s Call to Action: if not self-evident is to not just slap on a rainbow shirt, and shout “love is love”, but to find ways to confront homophobia in its many forms and faces, and to make conscious effort to be the embodiment of a welcoming and safe space for everyone.

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Next week is the 75th edition of Tuesday Thoughts in this format - LinkedIn Newsletters - I'm excited to share with my community the many ways that this newsletter has evolved from just a weekly writing practice, into so much more. I'd also love to feature some of you (happy to keep it anonymous) and how either the newsletter of the #TuesdayThoughtsBook has impacted you. Please reach out in the comments, in a DM, in an email, or a text.

New and Noteworthy is a collection of things readers of? #TuesdayThoughts might find interesting, important, or informative;

??Other Stuff I Did This Week (shameless self promotion): Due to a scheduling conflict part 2 of ?What the Association Sector Can Learn From Our Events Industry Partners has been delayed until next week on June 14, 2023, which give everyone who missed part 1 some extra time for reading.

?? What to Read:?Every big business needs its own Chief Political Officer from the Financial Times | When People Assume You’re Not In Charge Because You’re a Woman from Harvard Business Review h/t Denise Brunsdon

?? What to Listen To: From Glitches to Glory: How Agency Partners Can Help Ensure Success facilitated by Carly Silberstein, DES, CED, VEMM |

?? What to Do:?Nonprofit Friends Picnic, hosted by Rickesh Lakhani and Cindy Wagman

?? What to Watch: Hannah Pattison, SEPC 's #OpenToWork video, especially if your organization needs help with Event Sustainability | Baba Brinkman 's latest Music Video

????♀? Cool Jobs (Paid and Volunteer):?Director Organizational Design & Client Relations @ Independent Electricity System Operator h/t Michelle Grocholsky | CHEO Board of Directors h/t Elyse Banham | Treasurer of a Toronto Based Writers' Festival via Alain Pescador

??Take Note:?Why We Change Our Logo for Pride Month from Griffith Group Executive Search

??I am a Certified Association Executive with nearly over a dozen years of experience in leadership positions in Canada's Not-for-Profit Sector; as a College Professor, occasional Speaker, and contributor to blogs, newsletters, and media, I am skilled at using the art of storytelling to explain my ideas and inform audiences and readers on a variety of topics.

??♀?I am also a Certified Organizational Specialist and Practical Minimalist, who happens to have an unhealthy love for Excel Spreadsheets. I don't do this work often, but I am always happy to give a bit of advice if you are struggling.

??Did you know I also paint and draw? I am passionate about the benefits of Adult Colouring, and can create custom colouring sheets for speech and workshop audiences, by request.

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LinkedIn?Danielle S. Russell, CAE (she/her)?| Instagram?@danielle.s.russell?