Tuesday Thoughts | 25 July 2023 | First, Do No Harm

Last week I opened my door to find a City of Markham Bylaw Officer standing on my front porch, having exhausted every other opportunity to find something to be bothered about, one of my neighbours had accused some (actual professional) arborists working on my property of injury to a tree.

Before I leave my house, and even before I answer my phone (assuming the call display tells me its someone I actually want/need to talk to) or before I dial into a video call, I always take a few seconds to centre my answer to one simple question ‘who do I want to be when I show up?’ What happened next was a direct result of my failure to take a moment to pause before throwing open the door.

Before this man, who was actually just out doing his job, one that likely doesn’t make him the most popular person in town, could even begin to tell me why he was standing at my door, I found myself saying “oh come on, you know I have plenty of reasons why I could have called you about her, but I chose not to do that”.

And then I caught myself, realizing a beat too late that I was not showing up the way I want to show up, that I was not being consistent with my values to do my best to contribute to physically and psychologically save work for everyone (most especially, but not only those who work with and for me), that I was not accessing the empathy for public servants that I happen to have by virtue of having once been a public servant myself.

Almost instantly, in what must have appeared to this man as Jekyll regaining control of Hyde, I adjusted, apologized, noted that he was simply doing his job, and offered information and assistance to address the matter about which he found himself standing on my doorstep. By the end we were both relaxed and laughing as he informed me his investigation was closed and went off to continue his day.

Of course, there is much more to this story, and perhaps for another time, except to say this, the ongoing work of dealing with difficult people is absolutely exhausting; the reset that is required in those moments to refocus and reengage with doing the important work of Impact Making is not insignificant. Be it your neighbour, your coworker, or some other challenging person you just wish would GO AWAY ALREADY, we all encounter these people in our (hopefully not) daily lives, who jar us out of our path to changing the world for the better.

It was following that thought, that something important occurred to me, if an encounter with a difficult person or situation throws me off of my mission: to change the world by inspiring actions that amplify my impact, then I need to also be mindful that my actions could have a negative domino effect of throwing other people off of their path, detracting from, or preventing others from being inspired to take those impact amplifying actions.

Recently I was having a discussion with a couple of family members about the mechanics of remembering names and maintaining meaningful relationships by holding space for the important details about our acquaintances, friends, and loved ones. Full disclosure, several of us had forgotten the name of someone’s child – also for the record I blame COVID distancing for not keeping this person top of mind.

Confession, as I sit here writing this, I’ve once again forgotten the kid’s name. As I was discussing with these other (adult) family members, I think Dunbar’s Rule is at play; we can only maintain 150 stable relationships, and only 500 acquaintances, and while we should be able to remember 1500 names, I personally take exception with that number.

What I find most fascinating about Dunbar’s number is not the hard and fast figures, but the idea that we very rarely, if ever consciously move people into the next outer ring, until like a peeling onion they simply fall right off the edge. Our brains – no matter how good our intentions – only have so much RAM before the mind simply purges the least “important” details, in this case names of people who are known to us but who have been replaced in a more inner circle.

In the same way that our brains (mostly, sometimes, when we’re lucky) protect us from burning out trying to remember the names of every child in our Junior Kindergarten class (I’m down to about 20% retention when staring at the class photo); we dump our priorities, and lose motivation when a negative or challenging interaction draws on too much of our mental and emotional capacity.

I was quickly descending down a rabbit hole of what I didn’t want – as opposed to staying rooted in what I did want – to do and to be, when I came across a short video Calvin Strachan posted on LinkedIn, in a nutshell (although you should take the literally 90 seconds to watch it) he shares about the idea of creating Validating Environments, and the traumas we create and foster when we invalidate others.

On this day last year I shared a post about my quote to live by from Booker T. Washington: “There are two ways of exerting influence, one is pushing down, the other is pulling up”. The more I think about this coincidence of timing, the more I realize how self-evident it has always been to me, that we need to be putting at least as much energy into simply not creating setbacks for everyone else as we do to our own drives to success.

My fellow Chartered Directors will know that one of the incredible features of the program is that upon completion of your course work, you have the opportunity to be assigned a Coach to help you work on how you show up in the Boardroom. I remember very distinctly telling Dr. Gregory McQueen that the one thing I did need in a coach was someone who wasn’t going to do ‘tough love’. I know that for me, what I respond to best, is thoughtful and empathetic, but clear communication.

By now some of you might be saying “but Danielle diamonds are made under pressure, otherwise you’ve just got lumps of coal”, and of course this is true as well. Confession: I watch WAY too much YouTube, and I recently watched/listened to/multi-tasked through an episode of No Backup Plan and one line really struck me (as I had already begun to formulate this issue of #TuesdayThoughts in my mind) “No Billionaire was popular in high school”.

While I was looking for a coach with a gentler approach, I also thoroughly appreciated a discussion I had recently with someone who sits on several For-Profit Boards (something I’m looking to do in the coming months and years), who did not sugar coat the need to develop and maintain a thick skin around the boardroom table. There is value in not always hearing what you want to hear, and a distinction between transparency and honesty, and thoughtless brutalism.

A few months ago I read a piece about the idea that Nice is Not Kind, and I think this is an incredibly important component of today’s thought, I’m not saying that you need to censor yourself to the point of no longer providing value to your interactions; but what I am saying is that before you act, or react, taking a few moments to consider the cumulative (or even short term) impacts of your words and actions on the recipient will pay dividends in your ability to amplify and compound your impact.

My Call to Action This Week: is to first avoid pushing down (in effect creating a net negative starting point) on those around us, in order that we might foster environments where everyone faces their shortest possible path to impact and success.

One final thought (pun fully intended), it is often when we think that someone is in the wrong, or has made an error that it is hardest to fight our instinct, and to first do no harm; I shared some thoughts on errors (particularly in the workplace) last week as inspired by a CharityVillage blog on What to Do When You’ve Messed Up At Work.

New and Noteworthy is a collection of things readers of #TuesdayThoughts might find interesting, important, or informative;

??Other Stuff I Did This Week (shameless self promotion): while writing my first book the #TuesdayThoughtsBook was a bucket list item, the true value is the warm fuzzies I feel when that book, and these weekly thoughts make an impact. The Tuesday Thoughts Companion; A Year of Small Actions for Big Impact (volume 1) has landed in homes and offices from coast-to-coast and in at least three countries. Show me (and #TuesdayThoughts) some love, post those photos of your copy of the book.

?? What to Read:?At the intersection of leadership and wellness in The Meeting Professional by: Janice Cardinale VEMM | Mental health within Black communities in Canada: profiles of advocates (and bonus resources!) from CMHA h/t Janine Manning | A Landfill Can be a Symbol of our Failure at Reconciliation from Michael Bach, CCDP/AP ?????

?? What to Watch:?What is quickly becoming the 'weekly' Simon Sinek video, this one on Maintaining Optimism h/t Lori Prospero, CAE | Ditch the Complex Morning Routine thoughts from Allison Graham | The Founding of the Baby Depot h/t Maggie John

?? What to Listen To: How to Access Government in Canada - Confused? episode 4 of Geetika Bhardwaj 's new podcast - Geetika Ki Canadian Diary | The One That Works for You Podcast featuring Jennifer Heath h/t Michael DiBernardo

??What to Do: Strut your stuff! Apply today for recognition through the CSAE - Association Centre of Excellence Awards

????♀? Cool Jobs (Paid and Volunteer):?I had the privilege of sitting in on Joe Salemi, CAE 's session at Summer Summit a few weeks ago, you'd be lucky to work with and for him in one of these Various Roles @ Landscape Ontario | Advisory Group Volunteers @ CSAE

??Take Note:?I'm cheering for Stephen Tyson (who I met last week on the Laurier Campus) and his announcement that Karbon Brewing Co. is now available at Loblaws, those who know me well know I can't digest beer, so do your girl a solid and amplify my impact by picking some up at your local store | Ontario Anti-Hate Security and Prevention Grant h/t Jennifer Hatvani | Curious Public is now accepting applications from Not-for-Profits to take part in their UPLIFT Program h/t Lloyd Rang

I am a Certified Association Executive with over a dozen years of experience in leadership positions across Canada’s Not-for-Profit Sector, with deep ties in the Meetings and Events Industry. I use the art of storytelling in speech and writing to explain ideas, and to inform audiences and readers on a variety of topics. Learn more about how we can collaborate;

???Consulting Services: I offer a suite of consulting services for Associations and Charities, and am interested in working with likeminded organizations on projects that contribute to better governance, leadership and the overall growth and health of Canada’s Association and Not-for-Profit Industries.

????Speaker/Facilitator: I have spoken to standing room only crowds in the Association and Events sectors, connecting ideas and people; topics include, The Introvert Experience, Imposter Syndrome and Mentorship, EDI: Lived Experience as a BIPOC Woman in Leadership, Minimalism and Essentialism, Finding Your Voice and Building Your Unique Brand, Making and Impact, and the?#TuesdayThoughtsFormula.

????Contributing Writer: I have written for Industry Publications and Blogs with a focus on the role of Associations, Volunteerism, and the Intersection of Not-for-Profit Management and many current social and economic trends. My inclination towards storytelling lends itself well to the style of Creative Non-Fiction.

???The Tuesday Thoughts Formula: I am on a mission to inspire actions that amplify my impact, each week I follow the?#TuesdayThoughtsForumla?to deliver a call to action inspired by relevant stories; new this year, I’m bringing live demonstrations of the formula to the stage to help conference, event and meeting attendees tell their own stories that amplify their ROI of in-person attendance.

?? Check out my website?daniellerussell.ca?or email me: [email protected]

?? I’m on a?Mission?to?Change The World, By Inspiring Actions That Amplify My Impact! Despite my Introverted tendencies, if I have any hope of success this cannot be a solo affair. Join my community where I Connect People and Ideas;

?? Tuesday Thoughts: Join the?#TuesdayThoughts?community,?subscribe to the Newsletter?and get your copy of the?#TuesdayThoughtsBook,?The Tuesday Thoughts Companion: A Year of Small Actions for Big Impact. Like, Comment and Share to keep the conversation going, and amplify the thoughts that inspire you to action.

?? Let’s Be Friends: LinkedIn:?Danielle S. Russell, CAE (she/her)?| Instagram:?@danielle.s.russell