Tuesday Thoughts | 24 January 2023 | Having It All, Does Not Mean Having It All At Once

I along with millions of humans (not just women) cheered last week when Jacinda Ardern resigned as PM of New Zealand on her own terms; it wasn’t just that she was a (comparatively) young, and accomplished woman who led her country with empathy and grace through a global crisis, but that she was now putting a real face on the importance of knowing when you (especially as a leader) simply do not have enough left in the tank to give the job the energy and focus it deserves.

And then, some “brilliant” chap (come on we KNOW it was a man) at the BBC decided that instead of celebrating Ardern’s successes, and self-awareness, the best headline was Jacinda Ardern resigns: Can women really have it all?. Hello copywriting department, the 1960s called, they’d like their headline back. The message was crystal clear to women, dare not to dream big, stay in your lane.

But, dear reader, this is actually not an issue of #TuesdayThoughts dedicated to outrage over “the” headline – although I do feel outrage, nor will I spend the following page or so on the continued need for feminism and feminist education for all people – although it is something I do believe as well. Instead, I’d like to focus on this idea of “having it all” and the implication made by the copywriter that “having it all” simply means “Husband + Kids + Career = Having It All” because that in and of itself makes me very uncomfortable.

I’m fond of the expression – Having It All, Doesn’t Mean Having It All At Once – mostly as a personal reminder that we each need to be aware of our own capacities, and then we need to match what our “all” is to a (personally) realistic goal that won’t drive us overly crazy as we try to achieve it. And one of the things we should learn from Ms. Ardern is that, its ok to decide that something that was just right has now become too much.

I cannot wait to find the right Association to sink into as ED or CEO and do the deep work of creating value and forwarding a distinct mission; having a role like that is part of the “all” I want to have; but, if I had spent the last year in “the big chair” I might not have had the bandwidth to check off bucket-list busting items like teaching a College course or writing a book (p.s. did you know the #TuesdayThoughtsBook – The Tuesday Thoughts Companion: A Year of Small Actions for Big Impact is now available on Amazon?).

Also in essence, we are reminded that “career” can mean many things over the course of a lifetime. I somewhat “famously” took a “year of sloth” in and around 2015/2016; I went from over a dozen volunteer commitments (including a seat on a board) to just a couple seasonal/project specific roles, kept the full time job, and having just recently completed my CAE, opted to take a break from formal education.

Conversely, in the last year I took a bit of a break from the Full Time job (I remain, ready to hire) but packed many of my days so full that I still put in 7-10 hours a day. I work full time, but without a full-time job, in fact enough so that I’ve had to figure out what is “more than enough” that can be phased out to make room for a paid leadership position. I wrote about this idea of creating “whitespace” in the December 27th edition of #TuesdayThoughts – Is it Time to Say Goodbye?.

If I’m being honest – and I try to be as honest as possible here (while still respecting a certain level of privacy, especially to protect other people in my orbit) – the piece that really grinds my gears as a Single and Childless Cis-Woman; is this ongoing idea that in order for my life to be complete, I have some “life event” boxes that need checking off.

I addressed my non-coupled-up status earlier this month in the issue entitled The Happiness Formula, and much like the various stages of my career, I choose to focus on the things I have been able to accomplish because of the relative “freedom” this status provides, instead of what I might be able to accomplish with a great team-mate in my corner.

The idea that the goal of life is to “match and hatch” becomes ever more problematic around Children, I love (other people’s) kids – and frankly not all of them – and completely reject the idea that all of us born with the necessary biological bits to be mothers, must do so. Its not part of my having it all, although I respect everyone who feels the pull to parenthood, you are all saints.

While the way I approach thinking about “Having It All” is very much rooted in my own preferences, experiences and goals, the idea that we can – and should – consider what would constitute a full and meaningful life for us as individuals, is universal. You can have your “all”, although likely not all at once, but it is no one’s place but yours to determine exactly what that is.

This week’s call to action is simple: you must first determine what you really want, what you can handle and when, and then unabashedly pursue what is meaningful, and impactful.?

New and Noteworthy is a collection of things readers of??#TuesdayThoughts?might find interesting, important, or informative;

??Other Stuff I Did This Week (shameless self promotion): Did we have coffee on Saturday? I appeared as a guest on Toronto This Weekend: Coffee Chat on AM640 talking about one of my favourite topics: the Not-for-Profit Sector | Along with launching the #TuesdayThoughtsBook I refreshed daniellerussell.ca - check it out.

?? Special Ask:?Vote Early, Vote Often?(once a day) for Michel Kafrouny for Event Planner of the Year, 2023 Ottawa Awards; Michel had already impressed me with his work when I had the chance to sit down with him over lunch in December, he's a rising star who deserves all this recognition.

??What to Watch:?Grant Jam Session - Community Services Recovery Fund hosted by Kim Peterson on LinkedIn Live h/t Cindy Wagman | Nonprofit Executive Spotlight from Cecilia Sepp, featuring Jennifer Baker

?? What to Read:?The Benefits of Laughing in the Office from Harvard Business Review | What If Stress Is Not The Problem that Needs Solving...Personal Capacity Is the latest from Allison Graham's The Stress Illusion | Modern CEOs are hitting Publish, not Send from Dan Di Federico's Creator CEO

????♀?Cool Jobs (Paid and Volunteer):?Board Member @ Community Foundations of Canada | Director, The Scotiabank Women's Initiative, Enterprise | Summer Analyst @ MacPhie h/t Hugh MacPhie

??Take Note:?Nonprofits may need to spend about one-third of their budget on overhead to thrive – contradicting a rule of thumb for donors from The Conversation | Redefining professionalism must go well beyond appearance and creating more inclusive work environments from The Globe and Mail, featuring Jacqui d'Eon

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LinkedIn?Danielle S. Russell, CAE (she/her)?| Instagram?@danielle.s.russell?| Twitter?@dani__russell?|?YouTube???One Woman Island

??I am a Certified Association Executive with nearly over a dozen years of experience in leadership positions in Canada's Not-for-Profit Sector; as a College Professor, occasional Speaker, and contributor to blogs, newsletters, and media, I am skilled at using the art of storytelling to explain my ideas and inform audiences and readers on a variety of topics.

??♀?I am also a Certified Organizational Specialist and Practical Minimalist, who happens to have an unhealthy love for Excel Spreadsheets. I don't do this work often, but I am always happy to give a bit of advice if you are struggling.

??Did you know I also paint and draw? I am passionate about the benefits of Adult Colouring, and can create custom colouring sheets for speech and workshop audiences, by request.

Not-for-Profit Consulting Services?(pdf) | Check Out my website?daniellerussell.ca