Tuesday Thoughts | 13 December 2022 | Who Do You Want To Be, When You Show Up?

The great Maya Angelou has been quoted as saying, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.

As a speaker I spend a fair bit of time thinking about what I’m going to SAY, and as we look forward to the coming new year, I am sure many of us are thinking about what it is we want to DO next year; but I think the piece we often miss is the part about tone and feelings – both our own, and those of others - when we plan out our days, weeks, years and lives.

As an introvert I am most successful at showing up as who I want to be, when I have a clear vision and understanding of my place in a group or crowd; why am I here, what value am I bringing, and what do I hope to get from this interaction? I decide before I enter the room who I want to be; do I want (or does the situation demand) that I be outgoing – the extroverted introvert – or am I simply here to absorb information so I can choose to hang back and be more quiet?

Its funny, I was having this conversation with the smart and talented Julie King last week, as I noted that while attending a CSAE event necessitates a certain degree of social battery draining for me (as a board member), I’ve noticed (we introverts see each other even more so than we see our extroverted friends) that when she is a speaker, or behind a video camera, or otherwise performing a specific role or task she is less retiring than in a room where her role is simply to be.

Why its funny, is because as I was saying this to Julie I realized I had said (ok, written) something very similar to Carly Silberstein just a few days before, as I worked to explain to an extrovert (who let’s face it, is probably actually an ambivert) how I approach choosing – and showing up as the person I want to be – at the various industry holiday events, and of course Carly was standing with us as I was making that very similar point to Julie.

It took me many, many years to figure out a healthy and productive coping mechanism for being an introvert in a crowd; my good friend the cocktail played that role for many years, until I started driving myself to events and had to abandon my “have a couple to take the edge off” strategy. In the end the sober light of day as it were (even at night), is also the best condition for me to avoid being the person I don’t want to be when I show up, the one that is just a bit louder, a bit less polite, and a lot less able to practice the empathy first approach I want to apply to my interactions.

Of course, for me, who I show up as, is about far more than avoiding being a wallflower (don’t worry extroverts I got you too boo); while my personality as an Introverted-Perfectionist-Obliger-Cricket, colours how I approach showing up; Service, Leadership, Empathy, Generosity, Inspiration and Deep Listening form additional lenses and layers I seek to apply to my interactions. And, its not always easy, I don’t have a huge amount of tolerance for rudeness or stupidity, and I often struggle to remind myself that “hurt people, hurt people” so it requires a fair bit of intentionality to show up as the person I want to be when interacting with certain people*.

I’ve been really lucky over the past many years to have had the opportunity to really sit with my goals, with who I am at my core, and with who I want to be; the list in the paragraph above is hard-won and requires near constant care and feeding. In the past couple of months in particular Chartered Director Module 4’s EQ assessment, followed by the Module 5 Board Simulation – complete with lots of thoughtful feedback – have forced me to keep iterating my sense of who I am, how I show up, and what I need to work on to show up the way I want to at each opportunity.

My Point, because I’m on a bit of a rant now aren’t I? Is that, as we plan into the next 6, 12, 18 months and beyond; we do ourselves a disservice if we only plan what we want to do, and where we want to be, without planning for who we want to be when we get there. I am not a perfect person, but there are two specific pieces of feedback I have received lately that I want to share here – not to brag, but hopefully to make you feel as if you too can consciously impact how you show up.

For context, I’ve been working on leaning into the introvert power of deep listening and empathy, getting better at not just being present in the moment but being aware of the feelings in the moment (not just in the endless internal debrief in my head), and in speaking up when I see these threads so that I can generously hold the mirror for others in the way I am honoured and thankful to have received that reflection from others.

1.??????Last week a member of the CSAE Team introduced me to another newer member of the team as “The Emotional Support Board Member”, and my heart sang (Thank you, you know who you are); Service, Empathy, and Deep Listening all without losing the important Leadership through-line.

2.??????I’m not sure if my team from Module 5 knows this but they almost brought me to tears (the good ones) with words like Reflective, Empathetic, Thoughtful and Aware of Others, Unique Narrative, and Positive and Optimistic Energy.

I’m holding on to this, especially as my inner dialogue is kicking me for saying something a few weeks ago that I meant to be “funny” but I deeply hope Jamie Ryan didn’t feel was a dig (Jamie if you don’t know what I’m talking about – phew – if you do – I am deeply sorry); and as I replay all of those times each week that I just wish I had said something just a bit smarter, a bit more articulate, a bit braver, or applied just a touch more empathy.

My Call to Action This Week: comes with a warning, there is a 100% chance that you will fail at least some of the time; as you plan for 2023, as you make your resolutions, as you set your goals, as you pluck out the bucket-list items ripe for the check mark; give yourself the incredible gift of thinking about Who You Want To Be, When You Show Up. And then, show up each place, each day, each event, consciously trying to be the person you want to be.

*Note: I have a very long but nearly impossible to replace fuse, I will not tolerate truly cruel, hateful, or toxic behaviour, and I hope you won’t either – that is definitely not the point of this exercise.*

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Next week is the 50th (yes 50th OMG) issue of #TuesdayThoughts in the LinkedIn Newsletter format. If no one stops me, I’m clearly on a bit of a role about yearly resets and goal setting, and I’m happy to just keep putting my thoughts out there. But, if there is something, anything, you’ve read over the last nearly 12 months, that you want to see me do a deeper dive on, please reach out; while this is on some level a writing exercise for me, I put it out in the world with the intentionality of providing value.

New and Noteworthy?is a collection of things readers of?#TuesdayThoughts?might find interesting, important, or informative;

I was lucky to have the chance a few months ago to amplify a message from Industry friends of Sandi Humphrey and several folks have noted that they would be interested in an update. If you read nothing else this week, read this update from the Lady herself, it is inspiring, and optimistic and heartbreaking, and just the reminder we might need as we stare down 2023 about the strength and value of the Association Community.

??What to Read:?Unpaid Speaking Engagements Can Create Social And Gender Inequity from Forbes h/t Janine Manning | This post from Janice Cardinale on kindness and the line between seeing someone for who they are vs who you want them to be | Lost in Translation: Lessons from the “virtual” world of board meetings in Medium with updated thoughts from the author Michael Hartmann | The Role Continuum for Chief Staff Executive and Board of an Association from Jonathan Strauss

????What to Do:?Take a Small LinkedIn Step from Leanne Calderwood | CSAE Talk Tuesday, Today at 2pmET | Register at the Super Early Bird rate for Yvonne Ruke Akpoveta's Change Leadership Conference

????♀?Cool Jobs (Paid and Volunteer):?Director, Government Affairs (Alberta) @ the Council of Canadian Innovators h/t Dana O'Born | Director, Board of Directors @ Tourism Industry Association of Canada h/t Jennifer Beatty | Executive Director @ Rebound Child & Youth Services Inc. | Head of Sales @ a Toronto Based Toy Co contact Harold Chizick

??Take Note:?Mitch Stein announced the closing of Pond this week with a level of hopefulness and grace that is truly remarkable | Rickesh Lakhani's new venture Radiance Advisory | Lori Nickkel's updated Service Offerings (Career Development Coaching, Corporate Training and Executive Coaching Services)

Join my community, where?I Connect People and Ideas. Use?#TuesdayThoughts?to share this edition of the Newsletter with your networks.

LinkedIn?Danielle S. Russell, CAE (she/her)?| Instagram ???@danielle.s.russell?| Twitter?@dani__russell?|?YouTube???One Woman Island

??I am a Certified Association Executive with nearly over a dozen years of experience in leadership positions in Canada's Not-for-Profit Sector; as a College Professor, occasional Speaker, and contributor to blogs, newsletters, and media, I am skilled at using the art of storytelling to explain my ideas and inform audiences and readers on a variety of topics.

??♀?I am also a Certified Organizational Specialist and Practical Minimalist, who happens to have an unhealthy love for Excel Spreadsheets. I don't do this work often, but I am always happy to give a bit of advice if you are struggling.

??Did you know I also paint and draw? I am passionate about the benefits of Adult Colouring, and can create custom colouring sheets for speech and workshop audiences, by request.

Not-for-Profit Consulting Services?(pdf) | Check Out my website?daniellerussell.ca